Severus Snape
November 8th, 2009, 08:16 AM
Let me preface this by saying I am not suicidal, but I'm a little concerned about how my life is going so far.
Where to start...
Two years ago when I was a sophomore I decided that playing football just wasn't worth it since all the coaches were bastards and I didn't feel like dedicating my highschool career to a sport I only half enjoyed playing.
I guess that was social mistake number one.
I instantly lost all my football buddies and became somewhat of an anomaly in the community. I live in the south where the only thing more important than football is having a good relationship with Jesus, but we'll get to that later.
Ever since I quit football almost a year and a half ago I have become reclusive. I spend more time sitting in front of various screens than I do sitting and talking to people face to face. I think I 'know' more people that I actually don't even know what they look like than people at school. My social life has been in steady decline. I get along fine with a select group of friends in school, but outside of that I think I am well liked, but just liked. I don't get asked to hang out with people outside my close group of friends.
I'm an atheist. being outspoken about my atheism in a Catholic Highschool has left me somewhat isolated, I think. My atheism is something I refuse to keep quiet about though. I feel if I didn't express my feelings about religion I would go crazy at that school where we pray before every class and before and after school and attend mass twice a month. I need that out.
I'm bisexual. Some of you can probably guess how well everyone at a southern highschool would handle that, much less my conservative catholic community. I can't come out because then I would face almost total ostracism. Some of my closest (girl!) friends have told me that they could never even hang out with or talk to gay people because they are creepy and gross. So....I don't really want to come out and ruin otherwise really healthy relationships with the dozen or so people I have.
Anyway, ever since I quit football my social life has been nonexistant. I went through a phase where I wasn't going out at all on the weekends or breaks. I started spending a lot of time online and playing xbox live, with my real life friends at first, but as time went on I switched from facebook and playing with friends on xbox to chatting with complete strangers on sites like this and others and playing with people I don't even know on xbox more than I do my own friends. I've determined that I type more of what I 'say' each day that what I actually speak.
I have a slightly addictive personality and I got hooked on some of these games and websites. I even stopped working out for a little bit which is a huge deal for me bc thats one physical activity I actually enjoy. Well anyway, it got to a point where even if I was asked out I would refuse because I wanted to stay home and do something else. I rarely ever agree to go anywhere or do anything other than shows or concerts now. Granted, most of my friend live an hour or so into Atlanta, but I feel like I should still want to hang out with them more.
My best friend got really serious with his girlfriend this summer. We had planned to go to the beach together but then he decided to go with his GF, etc. We used to hang out every weekend but now I am lucky to talk to him even once a week either online or in person at school. There's two parts to this story that I am concerned about. First of all, we are getting really distant. I'm afraid that our friendship will just stop altogether. Second of all, I want a relationship like that! I want someone I can confide in and talk to. The girl that I have been attracted to for a year now has been constantly in a relationship. We talk all the time and she is tolerant of all sexualities, but she has always been taken. I took her to a concert for her birthday and planned to ask her out (she was recently single so I had to wait a few weeks to let things cool down, it was a bad breakup) but my other friend warned me that she had already got into ANOTHER relationship with this other guy at school. So we just enjoyed the concert and I stayed quiet.
I could be in an equally romantic situation with a guy, if there were any gay or bi guys at school that weren't as terrified as I am to come out. There are some gay guys we all know about, but they are mean and I dont have any interest in them. 98% of the guys are straight, or claim to be, and if I tried anything I would be screwed. I want to have someone to love unconditionally and confide in. I feel like I'm missing outand I would be more happy in a relationship, but I have some serious personality issues that make me unapproachable or otherwise isolated and alone.
Help me please
Where to start...
Two years ago when I was a sophomore I decided that playing football just wasn't worth it since all the coaches were bastards and I didn't feel like dedicating my highschool career to a sport I only half enjoyed playing.
I guess that was social mistake number one.
I instantly lost all my football buddies and became somewhat of an anomaly in the community. I live in the south where the only thing more important than football is having a good relationship with Jesus, but we'll get to that later.
Ever since I quit football almost a year and a half ago I have become reclusive. I spend more time sitting in front of various screens than I do sitting and talking to people face to face. I think I 'know' more people that I actually don't even know what they look like than people at school. My social life has been in steady decline. I get along fine with a select group of friends in school, but outside of that I think I am well liked, but just liked. I don't get asked to hang out with people outside my close group of friends.
I'm an atheist. being outspoken about my atheism in a Catholic Highschool has left me somewhat isolated, I think. My atheism is something I refuse to keep quiet about though. I feel if I didn't express my feelings about religion I would go crazy at that school where we pray before every class and before and after school and attend mass twice a month. I need that out.
I'm bisexual. Some of you can probably guess how well everyone at a southern highschool would handle that, much less my conservative catholic community. I can't come out because then I would face almost total ostracism. Some of my closest (girl!) friends have told me that they could never even hang out with or talk to gay people because they are creepy and gross. So....I don't really want to come out and ruin otherwise really healthy relationships with the dozen or so people I have.
Anyway, ever since I quit football my social life has been nonexistant. I went through a phase where I wasn't going out at all on the weekends or breaks. I started spending a lot of time online and playing xbox live, with my real life friends at first, but as time went on I switched from facebook and playing with friends on xbox to chatting with complete strangers on sites like this and others and playing with people I don't even know on xbox more than I do my own friends. I've determined that I type more of what I 'say' each day that what I actually speak.
I have a slightly addictive personality and I got hooked on some of these games and websites. I even stopped working out for a little bit which is a huge deal for me bc thats one physical activity I actually enjoy. Well anyway, it got to a point where even if I was asked out I would refuse because I wanted to stay home and do something else. I rarely ever agree to go anywhere or do anything other than shows or concerts now. Granted, most of my friend live an hour or so into Atlanta, but I feel like I should still want to hang out with them more.
My best friend got really serious with his girlfriend this summer. We had planned to go to the beach together but then he decided to go with his GF, etc. We used to hang out every weekend but now I am lucky to talk to him even once a week either online or in person at school. There's two parts to this story that I am concerned about. First of all, we are getting really distant. I'm afraid that our friendship will just stop altogether. Second of all, I want a relationship like that! I want someone I can confide in and talk to. The girl that I have been attracted to for a year now has been constantly in a relationship. We talk all the time and she is tolerant of all sexualities, but she has always been taken. I took her to a concert for her birthday and planned to ask her out (she was recently single so I had to wait a few weeks to let things cool down, it was a bad breakup) but my other friend warned me that she had already got into ANOTHER relationship with this other guy at school. So we just enjoyed the concert and I stayed quiet.
I could be in an equally romantic situation with a guy, if there were any gay or bi guys at school that weren't as terrified as I am to come out. There are some gay guys we all know about, but they are mean and I dont have any interest in them. 98% of the guys are straight, or claim to be, and if I tried anything I would be screwed. I want to have someone to love unconditionally and confide in. I feel like I'm missing outand I would be more happy in a relationship, but I have some serious personality issues that make me unapproachable or otherwise isolated and alone.
Help me please