A vicious circle...

[Dysfunctional Angel]

I don't know where to start...

I suppose i'm the kind of girl who dreams of a family. A beautiful home, a wonderful husband, a few happy children running around, and me sitting in the middle of it, loving every second. That sounds perfect.

The problem is, i'm only just turning 16. Every boy i date i set my heart on. I dream of the future with them. I spend every minute i can making them happy - i do anything. But then i lose them, and my world crashes down around me. I become quiet, withdrawn, and i self harm. I end up spiraling out of control. In the last year, i've had 4 boys who've had me on the verge of suicide. I don't know how to control my thoughts.
I can't seem to stop myself. I'll punish myself with my own mind, and my own fists. With my own heart. I feel like screaming to the world 'All i want is someone who wants what i do!', but i know it'd do no good...

I suppose what i'm really asking, is if anyone else feels the same as me? Does anyone else break their own heart? Am i normal?
Could this possibly even be some sort of disorder?
And mostly, is there any way i can calm myself, to teach myself to breathe and take a step back. To live as a child, like my friends, like i should be...?

[Aspiringanonymous]

This phenomenon in itself does not constitute any established diagnosis that I know of, but it is not at all uncommon. It is, rather, common to the extent that it troubles me deeply. I was in a similar frame of mind for a number of years in the past, and only after an unlikely experience of spiritual and intellectual awakening, was I able to reflect back on those days and realize how dangerous it all was.

I wish, every day of my life, that there was a way for all those currently trapped in this 'vicious cycle' to break through, if not permanently, than at least temporarily, but the question remains unanswered. Even I do not know what will become of me, whether my own breakthrough meant anything at all. What I do recognize, however, is that I now possess intellectual strength in the resistance against destructive emotions, and that has made all the difference. I understand why I am predisposed to such emotional crisis, as well as the consequences of giving in to such irrational passions, among many more. So, in answering your final question, perhaps that could be a place to start.

Seek out inspiration towards a better state of being. Be creative, go out and explore unfamiliar places, do things differently once in a while. Broaden your horizons in any way possible. If you are open to the universe, it may just decide to present you with an opportunity to rediscover your innocence, who you truly are, hidden well beneath all of this. It did for me, and to that I am eternally grateful.

I am always around, if you wish to speak further. Take care for now.

[Amyxoxo]

It seems like you want the perfect life so badly and you want it now! I think that you need to tell yourself when you break up that he wasnt the one for me, he wasnt the one in my perfect life. When you find the right person it will feel different that anything ever before. This may also be when you are alto older. Some people when they are 15 want to start a family, earn money and start life, others dont want to. What im trying to say is just enjoy life, when the right person comes along you will know it but the only way we learn is through fault.
As i said when you break up tell yourself that he wasnt the one for you. I would hurt yourself over it.
~ Take care ~

[allsoulsareblack]

if u mean u started to sh then u stoped then a few months later u do it again then yes it braks my heart cus last time i did it evry one who cares for me was hurt emontainly cus they didnt realise how upset i was

[Grey fox]

My advice -

Guys are dicks, why the hell do you want to settle down now anyone, live and be happy and free and young. Mortgages roughly translate as "death taxes" and are far more hassle then they are worth.

If you want an ideal family situation, get sims 2. Seriously. Does anyone else agree with me on this?

You can make yourself as a sim, however you want yourself to be, then make how you want your life to be.

Give it a go! x