I saw her dead...

[The Batman]

My mom woke me up about 6:30 this morning right before she left for work so I could get ready for class. So she was gone maybe 20 minutes and the phone rings she's crying telling me to run across the street because the elderly lady she works for was laying on the floor not moving and she wanted me to come help. I can't really run because of my foot being messed up so I went over as fast as I could thinking that maybe she fell and hurt herself again. I walked in the house right as the fire department pulls up and I go to the room and see her just laying there my mom tells me that it's alright let them handle it and i should go home and finish getting ready. Later on the little boy that lives over there comes over my house because my mom told him to so he won't have to see anything(by then they realize she's not breathing). I take him back over there when my mom calls like 15 minutes later and I walk over to where my brother stays so he can get up and walk to class with me and my mom heads to the hospital with a neighbor and the woman's daughter who's crying her eyes out.

An hour later when someone else that new the family go to class he tells us all that she was dead, I didn't believe him and i fought back the tears and just acted like nothing was wrong. I just got home and my mom confirmed it.

I've known her for about 6 or 7 years now, we went to the same church, my grandma married her brother, and my mom's been taking care of her for the past 4 or 5 months she's always been nice to me and telling me that I need to better my life, she would get happy when she saw me infact after the first scare when her blood sugar was really low and I went to see her later on she was crying because I cared about her enough to go see her. This is hard right now I can take someone telling me someone has died but seeing her dead is just different it makes it personal and it hurts worse than anything it's like going to the funeral before it happens. It's all I can think about and it's making sick to my stomach. I hate death and I hate everything that has to do with it and this just isn't fair that it happened.

[Tiberius]

Thomas, death is a game that we can't cheat at. I know that it hurts to see someone you love dead but it's something that we have to accept. They're gone and we can't do anything about it.

Okay, I have to stop bullshitting you. You know that I don't care about death. It's something that I brush off because it happens to us all and it causes emotions that I have certainly felt to much of in my life- emotions that I'd rather never feel again. I can't sugest that you try this since it's tailored for me. All I can really say that's meaningfull is, Thomas, I feel genuinely sorry for you and talk to me went you need to(you are right now:P )

[Burnthecity]

Im so sorry to hear, thats so unfortunate. Death is never easy to deal with, hope everythnig works out

[MattTheGreat2009]

......

[alex95]

i know its hard to believe but you have to move on although my grandma and my cousin died in my heart there never dead there still somewhere out there i cant get over it hopefully you can.

[overcome.]

I'm sorry to hear this Thomas, this couldn't have been easy for you at all. I know it isn't going to go away right now, but I hope you feel a bit better soon. Death is an extremely cruel thing, sometimes the good die young, sometimes the good die old. Either way I believe everybody has their day to die. Unfortunately it was her time to leave us, we all have our day.

[theOperaGhost]

Thomas, death is a game that we can't cheat at. I know that it hurts to see someone you love dead but it's something that we have to accept. They're gone and we can't do anything about it.

Okay, I have to stop bullshitting you. You know that I don't care about death. It's something that I brush off because it happens to us all and it causes emotions that I have certainly felt to much of in my life- emotions that I'd rather never feel again. I can't sugest that you try this since it's tailored for me. All I can really say that's meaningfull is, Thomas, I feel genuinely sorry for you and talk to me went you need to(you are right now:P )

This is pretty much the same as what I can say. I have about the same feelings towards death as Chris does.

I've grown quite accustomed to death and I've seen it A LOT. I have/had many elderly relatives AND I worked at a nursing home, so I've seen it a lot. Some people might say it's not the same since I just worked at the nursing home, but let me tell you, you get attached to these people easily. It's almost like they are family. Losing someone you love is never easy for anyone, but it happens to everyone.

My sympathy goes out to you. If you want to talk to me, I'm always open for it. This is something I've dealt with a lot, so I know what it's like.

[The Batman]

I'm ok with death it's just actually seeing it and the fact that I still refuse to believe she's gone that's killing me. I want to believe it but I can't I just don't want to be the guy that saw her die. It's not suppose to happen like this. I don't think I'm going to the funeral I really can't deal with the atmosphere at all.

[theOperaGhost]

Thomas, you will be able to make it at the funeral. You really should go...you don't need to, but I think you really want to to show her respect. Funerals are hard, but you can make it.

[Bougainvillea]

I completely understand what you're going through. It's a terrifying thing. Knowing that you are no longer going to see, or speak to that person again. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and see my dad sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee. I see him mouth the words "Morning, Kiddo." But when I rub my eyes, all I see is a empty spot. And the aroma of fresh coffee is now gone. It's hard. And some days it might be unbearable. But you have to pull through.

[The Batman]

The funeral is set to Saturday and my mom told the story of what happened that day and apparently she was dying right in front of her and acting like everything was fine. When she fell she had a heart attack and she asked to see her daughter instead of calling an ambulance. Anyways I'm pretty much in a better place about the situation even though I don't like it I'm coping. I'm not going to the funeral because I don't do them at all I don't like the sad and depressed atmosphere of it and I avoid them if I can.


Thanks to all of you it helped knowing I had an entire site full of people here for me and just thanks everything helped and yea.