No.. no. not again =/

[1_21Guns]

my mind just wondered off, as it does, which i'm used to, but when the thought of me sat in a dark room, crying blood and then saying 'hand me a gun and a bottle of vodka, shut the door, and don't hold your breath till I come out, because the only way i'm going back out of that door, is foot first.' creaped into my mind, I got worried. I'm not even sure whats been up with me lately. Theres no real reason for my depression to suddenly take an epic turn like it appears to. Maybe its because its creaping towards the month i decided to change my life for the 'better' by choosing my parents splitting is coming. Maybe its just because my birthdays coming, and I really want to have a sleepover, but I can't help but doubt the idea, not because I wouldn't be allowed, but because i've spent every birthday I haven't had a sleepover crying, and with how I am at the moment, I don't think its a good idea =/ knowing that actually really hurts. maybe its just everything, my weakness, my overwhelming desire to cut. just everything. now i just want it all to end. the way i dont appear to have a will to live again, which makes me say things i dont mean about my life. i'm scared, living in fear of myself again :| i spent the whole day with my best friend, who might read this, and apart from this morning before she came when i had to go for a walk before i did something stupid, i've been playing the old 'i'm happy' game again. i cant do this anymore =/ its too tireing, too much to take. i dont want to live in fear again, i'd rather not live at all than go through that again.

[sarah newman]

Dont worry. I get thoughts like that, it is creepy and i dont know why i get them. I was goona commit suicide, well im still thinking about it BUT think of all the people who care for you, you may not think there is no people who care but there must be. Dont kill yourself. There are tons of adventures you need to do in the future. Dont end your life now. Talk to one of your friends about it if you want to. Just think about if you do end your life what would you miss out on. I cut myself coz it makes me happy but you we both have an option to get help from your school, friends and if you feel confortable with it, your parents. I dont like telling my parents anything, but one of my close friends told my tutor teacher about my cuts and he was supportive, he wanted to help, he sent me to th medical room to get help, but ive got a bitchy school nurse whos now saying that i HAVE to go to counsilling as they've sent the form through and i signed it, i was thinking straoght then though. I cry every night coz i get so confused and depressed, so dont worry abot it. I WOULD CARE IF YOU ENDED YOUR LIFE AND I DONT REALLY KNOW YOU! Please think about ewhat your about to do first before you do it, just dont. Focus on something else you could do. Just dont do it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx