Major Sexual Confusion - Help, Reassurance, Anything?

[anxietyman]

Well,
Having used the internet to put my buzzing mind to rest so many times I have that this site comes up alot so I'm willing to give it a try.

Basically
I'm 17, Male
and I'm sexually confused as i'll soon explain.

History;
My dad left me when I was younger, so I've been brought up by my Mom.
Male rolemodels in my family weren't the best (Alcoholics, Violence)
My first girlfriend (who I dated for a year, sexual contact etc) cheated on me with my best friend then dumped me.
I have noticed a relationship pattern of mine, it goes;
Serious, Rebound, Serious, Rebound. (my most recent girlfriend is my fourth and I've noticed that if I don't get on with a girl I feel like I don't want to be around her)
I used to have an outstanding sex drive for women (masturbation on a regular basis etc)
and I also had no self confidence and wished I could get a girlfriend.
I don't see my friends enough.

Recently;
After my first girlfriend destroyed me I went through some major changes (style, music taste, social groups)
In which time I got a haircut and some new clothes and girls were interested in me.
Which was a good thing, but I feel since becoming so confident I have lost interest in trying to get a girls affections.
But I do enjoy being around my friends (males) more than being with my current girlfriend (but it has nothing to do with attraction).
I have also recently joined college (when I joined secondary education I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, depression) I'm thinking that the same is occuring here.
I have a constant sick feeling in my stomach, I don't feel happy and I can't acknowledge a good thing or a bad thing.
I have an incredibly poor diet and sleep patterns (I usually manage the equivalent of a sandwich in a day and six hours sleep, mostly oversleeping)


I'm actually confused in general,
Because I'm pretty smart (not being bigheaded) I analyze everything over and over and over.
I'm hoping that I'm a regular teen with sexual confusion worrys and that it feels amplified because I'm coping with joining a new school or something.

I don't want to be gay or attracted to men.
I've grown up wanting to spend my life with a girl I love.

So please, don't tell me to accept it, I know theres something that can be done or something I've overlooked.

I just want to enjoy my teenage years with my friends and girlfriend.

(I'm also considering suicide. Depression induced?)

thanks for any help/reassurance.

I'm going to try and see a Counselor about this, maybe I just need to talk it out and let things run its course.

[nick]

I've read that through several times and cant see anything that suggests you might me gay in there, you haven't said that you have any sexual attraction to guys or that you feel you want a relationship with a guy. What you have said is that you're less interested in girls at the moment. Now that's quite a normal reaction if you've had a bad experience like being dumped or breaking up, and can also happen just with fluctuating hormone levels.

Do get some councelling for the depression though.

[anxietyman]

Heres the thing though,
My brain will not allow this problem to solved just like that.

also I could find guys attractive I think, I'd just rather not think about them in that way.


It's hard to explain, I can appreciate if a guy is attractive.
and while i'm off women I don't want that to slip in and change anything.

Also I broke up with my first girlfriend at the beginning of the year.


i'm also thinking the depression has branched from the sexual confusion.


but I have no idea because with one theory my brain will produce a counter theory thus leaving me clueless/confused/depressed/worried.

[nick]

I would advise not to fight against your feelings, you need to know what you're feeling because that's what you would need to analyse.

You say that you can appreciate if a guy is attractive, well be honest with yourself, does that mean you'd like to see them naked, do you fantasize about them, does it mean you'd like to experiment with them? If it does than you may be curious or bi, in which case you need to learn to come to terms with that and accept it as who you are. But if you dont feel any of those things, you can just tell a looker from an ugly bastard, then there's nothing gay in that.

[anxietyman]

nothing sexual really

I'm just more comfortable with guys I guess.

but what about the sex drive loss?

[nick]

I really dont think you sound as if you're bi or gay.

The loss of sex drive, now that could be a chicken & egg situation with the depression, which came first? I'm no expert on these things but I think reduced sex drive could be a result or knock on effect of the depression.

[anxietyman]

well I've lost my sex drive before I became this depressed.

But I had always had off weeks where I hated everything.

but don't get me wrong, my girlfriend still turns me on and I enjoy sex and everything.

but I feel like I've seen it all.