1_21Guns
October 29th, 2009, 08:13 PM
I want to cut. I've wanted to for ages, I just ignored it.
Now i'm shaking.
I shouldn't even be on here at the moment, I came back online because someone PM'd me and I didn't want to go to bed anyway.
He asked why I did it, if it did nothing. I don't mind talking about it, it wakes me up as to why I stopped in the first place, and that I should hold on.
Now i'm weak. My strengths going, and I know it. I spend so long telling everyone this is wrong, and i've even said 'is that 5 minutes of freedom worth the lifetime of scars?'
no.
but its not stopping me. the shakings just getting worse and worse. I need it to stop, and thats the only way. I've been like this while I was cutting regularly. Cutting stopped it. I need to. I know its really want, and i'm sick of telling myself I dont need it, maybe thats why i'm starting to give up.
I just want it to stop. But if I start, I wont stop. Then I can't wear t-shirts anymore without a jumper again, then my life will be not only a lie, but a continual hiding game.
I live in physical pain anyway, I want that to stop, I just wish it would all stop.
Now i'm shaking.
I shouldn't even be on here at the moment, I came back online because someone PM'd me and I didn't want to go to bed anyway.
He asked why I did it, if it did nothing. I don't mind talking about it, it wakes me up as to why I stopped in the first place, and that I should hold on.
Now i'm weak. My strengths going, and I know it. I spend so long telling everyone this is wrong, and i've even said 'is that 5 minutes of freedom worth the lifetime of scars?'
no.
but its not stopping me. the shakings just getting worse and worse. I need it to stop, and thats the only way. I've been like this while I was cutting regularly. Cutting stopped it. I need to. I know its really want, and i'm sick of telling myself I dont need it, maybe thats why i'm starting to give up.
I just want it to stop. But if I start, I wont stop. Then I can't wear t-shirts anymore without a jumper again, then my life will be not only a lie, but a continual hiding game.
I live in physical pain anyway, I want that to stop, I just wish it would all stop.