1_21Guns
October 27th, 2009, 05:54 AM
Smokeing
Cutting
Drinking
Burning
Suicide
Anything like that, despite the fact i've never smoked (i find it repulsive) or burnt. I wanted to. I was just thinking about something thats upsetting me probably waaaay more than it should be, how life dependant i've become to here, and yet its been dragged away from me because of my own mistake. I'm tired of trying to ignore it now. Yet I can't make it go away. I feel like I might aswel give up now tbh. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, not my birthday, not christmas, or even new year. Each one spoilt by the past or the known future. There's very little now keeping me alive. And it hurts to know that if i lose a hand full of things, that'll be it. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm already dead inside, have been for too long now. Nothings here to revive me, whats the point anyway? I have nothing. Anything I touch dies, crushed by my selfish mistakes. They say they understand my need for here, but they don't. They don't know the half of it. I can't tell them. I can't argue. I thought they had more respect for privacy. Obviously not. I just want it all to end. The cravings, the invasion, the pain, the tears, the spoilt supposed to be happy family times. Me.
Theres no point anymore, why bother? I'm tired of living an ever slipping lie. Someone give me one good reason to live, because its seriously got to that point again now, i'm talking to everyone like everythings okay again, like I dont want to cut, I don't want to die, I don't want to harm myself somehow - but I do.
Cutting
Drinking
Burning
Suicide
Anything like that, despite the fact i've never smoked (i find it repulsive) or burnt. I wanted to. I was just thinking about something thats upsetting me probably waaaay more than it should be, how life dependant i've become to here, and yet its been dragged away from me because of my own mistake. I'm tired of trying to ignore it now. Yet I can't make it go away. I feel like I might aswel give up now tbh. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, not my birthday, not christmas, or even new year. Each one spoilt by the past or the known future. There's very little now keeping me alive. And it hurts to know that if i lose a hand full of things, that'll be it. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm already dead inside, have been for too long now. Nothings here to revive me, whats the point anyway? I have nothing. Anything I touch dies, crushed by my selfish mistakes. They say they understand my need for here, but they don't. They don't know the half of it. I can't tell them. I can't argue. I thought they had more respect for privacy. Obviously not. I just want it all to end. The cravings, the invasion, the pain, the tears, the spoilt supposed to be happy family times. Me.
Theres no point anymore, why bother? I'm tired of living an ever slipping lie. Someone give me one good reason to live, because its seriously got to that point again now, i'm talking to everyone like everythings okay again, like I dont want to cut, I don't want to die, I don't want to harm myself somehow - but I do.