missangel
October 23rd, 2009, 09:55 AM
Sorry for the length of this post, but this is the first time I have really let all of this out.
Recently I have been feeling extremely depressed. Theres so much going on at the moment i can't keep up and the stress is driving me to do stupid things. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and now am having to move out of the flat I am sharing with him. I love him so much and would literally do anything to get him back, but he doesn't trust me about several things, and we can't have a relationship without trust. The problem is, I feel constantly shit right now, I go to sleep in his arms, feeling unbelievably happy, but when I wake up, I remember everything that has happened and I just shut down. Im not the same person I was weeks ago, I have this feeling of complete hatred towards myself and I have this constant feeling of sickness in my stomach. Whenever I chat to my ex, all I can think about is how much I hate myself for what has happened between us. I hurt myself badly, I cut my arms whenever I feel extremely stressed or upset. Last night I cut into my arm pretty badly, it bled quite a bit, but it felt good to have a release. I dont want to keep doing this though, I want to be able to stop myself but whenever I feel even the slightest bit horrible, I turn to hurting myself in some way. I hit myself pretty hard in the face and gave myself a black eye. I cant seem to stop myself doing these stupid things, especially if I have been drinking. Sorry for the long rant, I just need some advice on how to stop this before I do something really stupid.
Recently I have been feeling extremely depressed. Theres so much going on at the moment i can't keep up and the stress is driving me to do stupid things. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and now am having to move out of the flat I am sharing with him. I love him so much and would literally do anything to get him back, but he doesn't trust me about several things, and we can't have a relationship without trust. The problem is, I feel constantly shit right now, I go to sleep in his arms, feeling unbelievably happy, but when I wake up, I remember everything that has happened and I just shut down. Im not the same person I was weeks ago, I have this feeling of complete hatred towards myself and I have this constant feeling of sickness in my stomach. Whenever I chat to my ex, all I can think about is how much I hate myself for what has happened between us. I hurt myself badly, I cut my arms whenever I feel extremely stressed or upset. Last night I cut into my arm pretty badly, it bled quite a bit, but it felt good to have a release. I dont want to keep doing this though, I want to be able to stop myself but whenever I feel even the slightest bit horrible, I turn to hurting myself in some way. I hit myself pretty hard in the face and gave myself a black eye. I cant seem to stop myself doing these stupid things, especially if I have been drinking. Sorry for the long rant, I just need some advice on how to stop this before I do something really stupid.