Confuuusion

[daveywavey]

Well not sure if this goes in here but it's my favorite forum so I will proceed here.

I am massivly confused with a few things going on in my
life right now and I'm just going to spit them out here. The first is I have fear that Ivan turning gay, not bi like I thought I been with both sexes and I had once enjoyed the intimate company from them both but ever since a bad interaction with a girl this summer I have not one desire to be with a girl again and it makes me nervous bcuz all I can think about are boys now. I currently have a few "close" buds that I mess around with and that's all fine and dandy but they both fell for me and I have kinda fallen for one of them but still enjoy the others friendship and company. I spoke with my friend chris about it on msn slightly but I can't get it off my mind and to complicate things further there us a guy here on vt I talk to alot who has also fallen for me and I am starting to feel so boxxed in I'm starting to mentally suffocate. I like them all and would love to keep friendship with all but I am so afraid of breaking somones heart or getting my own broken. My heart aches :(. These issues alone are already tough enough to deal with let alone both. I feel as if I'm one of those waves on a coast that is smashing into the rocks over and over Does anyone have suggestions on going about tackling this. It was hard enough to come to terms with my bisexuality but now that I think I'm turning ccompletky gay it feels like a brand new ball game. I'm really sorry to post a long thread like this but I have felt like I cam come here to release a few inner demons that have been bothering me and maybe get a few of u fine peoples points of view


Love davey

[nick]

Hi Davey,

as you know I feel partly the same about changing towards gay from bi and for a similar reason, but to be honest in my case I think that's really all about who I relate to more at the moment and could swing back the other way again at some point in the future.

When it comes to dealing with the guys you enjoy having fun with, or maybe even love, my advice is just to be completely honest and open with them. If you love one the most then make sure he knows it and make sure the others can understand and accept that too. So long as your being honest and not leading anyone on, and not cheating on anyone behind their back.

[daveywavey]

No I defintly don't cheat or lead people on but this is becoming one of those lose sleep situations we talked about before. Thanks for ur input nick I appreciate it as always

[The Harlequin]

Tbh I'm not that attracted to many girls atm, but it doesn't bother me ~ like Nick says it's all about who you're relating to best at the time (and also if there are any cute people of either gender around at the time, they rarely occur in equal measure). So seriously don't worry about which gender you prefer now, it probably won't stay like that forever and if it does, so what?

I wouldn't be afraid of having to show unrequited love sometimes, it's never easy to deal with but we've all been on either side of this fence at one time or another, and it's life sometimes.

If you love one more than the others but don't show it he might move on, thinking you don't love him back ~ and then how awful would you feel? After all, "Life's not a spectator sport" so I'd just let the others down gently, but go out with this guy you've been talking about, you'll feel worse if you don't.

Hope this helps (:^,

[daveywavey]

You're right blah, thx man

[CaptainObvious]

Well not sure if this goes in here but it's my favorite forum so I will proceed here.

I am massivly confused with a few things going on in my
life right now and I'm just going to spit them out here. The first is I have fear that Ivan turning gay, not bi like I thought I been with both sexes and I had once enjoyed the intimate company from them both but ever since a bad interaction with a girl this summer I have not one desire to be with a girl again and it makes me nervous bcuz all I can think about are boys now. I currently have a few "close" buds that I mess around with and that's all fine and dandy but they both fell for me and I have kinda fallen for one of them but still enjoy the others friendship and company. I spoke with my friend chris about it on msn slightly but I can't get it off my mind and to complicate things further there us a guy here on vt I talk to alot who has also fallen for me and I am starting to feel so boxxed in I'm starting to mentally suffocate. I like them all and would love to keep friendship with all but I am so afraid of breaking somones heart or getting my own broken. My heart aches :(. These issues alone are already tough enough to deal with let alone both. I feel as if I'm one of those waves on a coast that is smashing into the rocks over and over Does anyone have suggestions on going about tackling this. It was hard enough to come to terms with my bisexuality but now that I think I'm turning ccompletky gay it feels like a brand new ball game. I'm really sorry to post a long thread like this but I have felt like I cam come here to release a few inner demons that have been bothering me and maybe get a few of u fine peoples points of view


Love davey

So... you've messed around with 2 friends, 1 of whom you now have feelings for though they both have feelings for you, and then there's another guy you have feelings for online?

Well, first with regards to the guy who's online, that one is simple: online relationships don't work. You might here the very, very occasional success story to the contrary, but otherwise the only people who will tell you online relationships are a good idea are those people whose online relationships have not fallen apart yet. So focus on your real-life prospects. And don't feel any obligation to be with some guy just because he's attracted to you over the Internet.

As for your 2 friends, that's complicated because friendships and sex get complicated when they go together. That's one reason so many people warn against experimenting with friends - feelings get aroused that create more complications in relationships (friendships) that already exist between you. It's tough. I would suggest separating your friends and your hookups, personally. At the very least, spend a bit of time without hooking up with your friends and see how the feelings change. If there's one guy you're more attracted to than the other, and you guys end up in a relationship, there will be some short term hurt with the other but he'll get over it eventually. Ideally, I'd suggest not dating - or banging - friends.

Finally, don't worry about it if you're finding yourself less attracted to one gender than another. That may change, but if it doesn't... so? Your sexual orientation is just part of who you are, it's not something to be afraid of.

Hope this helps, bud. :)

[VeniVidiVici]

im pretty shure that you got the answer you needed from the above, but i am gunna put my two sense in. I am a university major in psychology, and in my sociology class conviently are talking about sexuality.. so i will let you know what i have learned and experienced in my life

1. the fear of turning totally gay- first of all, your sexuality is generally a rollercoaster at your age. You will find at times that you will tend to be gay, and some times you will tend to be straight. You will not just TURN gay. you have had experiences with girls, and therefore, sooner or later you will head back to them

Think of your seuxality as percentages... Some times you will be 25% straight and 75% gay, or like you are at the moment, probably 90% gay and 10% straight. the percentages are always changing. If you have a gf, you will most likely be more straight, but if you have a bad eperience with a girl, you will most likely be biased against them for the time being and move into the gay side.

Trust me, give it a month and u will probably equal out again

2. Being stuck between 2 people- most of the time this sucks, you have already identified which one you like tho, so step one is complete. but it is not like you are going to date this guy right? let the other person know that atm you have your mind on someone else. he will understand. why? cuz there isnt to many bisexual guys out there, so u are always an option for him in the future. Most guys understand it cuz girls tell us that all the time as a lie, but guys only say it if its true.

With the online thing, it generally doesnt go past a couple dirty msn conversations anyways unless u live in the same city.

dont forget tho, if you have two guys rooting for u, you can always go for a threesome ;)

hope it helps, i would like to know if it did...

[bowlheadhere]

Well, first of all... I just want to point out the bright side. If that many people like you, it means that you are a really cool guy who is easy to easy to get along with. Instead of thinking about a true relationship (if you are that confused about it), cherish your friendships for as long as you can! You must remember that friends come and go throughout your life, but those who are there forever are those who you know you can go to for anything. If you are lucky enough to remain friends with him and still have feelings (and he does) you might consider it a symbol that you were meant to be... I know I would. Or you could just go into it now and see how it plays out... I wouldn't necessarily do this yet because if you guys end up knowing that it just wasn't meant to be, then it may become awkward and you may loose a really good friend.

As to you being gay, embrace it! You are who you are. I think you are feeling iffy because society tells us that homosexuality of any sort is bad, and therefore you unconsciously think this. Be happy with who you are, and no one can stop you! Either way, people love you for you, so even if you are gay (which doesn't even matter) you will always have people who love and will always be there for you, and that is the most important thing. At least for me, when I am around the people that I love and who care for me, I forget about all of my problems, so as long as you have those people in your life (which sounds like a lot because you sound like a cool guy), you have no reason to get caught up in thoughts.

Hope this kinda helps? I kinda tend to babble and not know what I talk about, so yea... sorry if it is weird/confusing.

[Fourth Dimension]

i know how u feel about the gay/bi think im bi but more and more lately i feel like im fully gay so idk but with the other thing thats a hard one all i can say is follow your heart

[daveywavey]

bowlheaded, thank you very much that means alot to me man

[MacMilker]

The one and only thing that matters is that your happy. If your gay and you think your gay then your gay. I remember when I was a little confused about my sexuality, i thought i was straight but i liked guys as well as girls. i was never happy with thinking that I was straight, and when i concluded that I was bi i felt like i could be myself more and i was much much more happy. ask yourself the question... are you gay? are you bi? are you straight? really ask yourself inside dig deep and ask that question. and you will know. as for the relationship thing i honestly don't know. if your gay then ull find that guy if ur bi maybe find that girl who knows just wait and see :)

[daveywavey]

Thx brave

[Cinderandsmoke]

I wouldn't try to label it bi or gay you can have a preference towards one gender but still like another. At this point just think of it as maybe bi but deffinitly into your same gender. With the guy situation i would tell the one i like as a friend that you don't feel the same towards him but would still like to be friends.

[maestro15]

If I may comment on this situation, as you can see on my profile that I am gay. Like what all the other folks that replied said that this is a natural occurrence. It happened to me. The reason why people are afraid of turning homosexual is because throughout human history, men have been tortured or killed for being homosexual. After years and years of that, the children are somehow getting the idea that homosexuality is atrocious. And maybe kids at school always point out that homosexuality shows low qualities. But puberty is hard and lots of men turn out being straight after the process of puberty. and if you do turn out gay after puberty, you can still date women and take them out like a straight person would. I myself don't let my sexual preference bother me. Even though I'm Jewish, i still believe in homosexual relations.

sorry for my long comment

[Lifeguard18]

I have to had a stiuation with a girl over summer. She would be all over me and I didn't like it. Were still friends she has a bf that's not me. She kind of mad me not desire girls as much anymore. She put me through stress and a little bit depression. It's gone now. She knows about me too. Ever since that I had more attraction to guys. Now I think I'm gay. If I am I am. I wiLl be happy and you should be too. If your are happy be proud if yourself. Happiness is one of the greatest feelings you can have. You can try talking to a councelor. That helped me big time. I suggest you and every one else to talk to a councelor. You are who you are. Don't let anyone put you down. If you know your gay accept it. I am. Like I said talking to a councelor or an adult you trust do it. It will help big time. It did for me

[Gumleaf]

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