Asking her to marry me at 17

[brandon1992]

Ok..... so my girlfriend and i have been dating for three years and i love her so much....... I have this feling that i cant explain....... I want to ask her to marry me at Prom which is like 5 to 7 months from now. I could not see my life without her. She is always on my mind........ Just want to know what people think........... There is really no way for me to explain my love for her.......

[Cloud]

.dont do it......
its stupid doing something like that at your age
live a little before you get engaged i think its daft to make big commitments like that at such a young age
just wait.

[laurita_21]

i dont think you should do it .
i think 17 is really young to get married
if you 2 feel the same way in a couple of years and it really is love then maybe
but its your choice anyway...

[Maverick]

Try to look in this in the future. Say you did propose to her and become engaged, what happens next? What kind of job and living arrangements are you going to have? How will marriage interfere with possible higher education?

You haven't even started out in the world yet and you need to grow and develop as a person first before you start marriage and committing yourself to someone.

Premature, unwise decisions can destroy relationships. Wait until your life is on track post high school before thinking about this.

[Patchy]

Moved to R&D

[TheKingDavis]

i would wait until after college, when you have a steady job.

otherwise it would be okay

[Darkened-Inferno]

I'd wait until after college. If you proposed to her now and she said yes, then what? You don't have a job that could support a possible family and where would you live and how would you manage? Asking someone to marry you is a big decision. There's nothing wrong with loving her, don't get me wrong, but, sometimes you have to consider the possibile outcomes and problems that could arise if you make a big decision like this.

Love is a beautiful thing. It's great that you love her, but you should wait until you have a steady career and the ability to support her and maybe a family. So I say wait and if you still feel the same in a few years when you're more mature and have a job, go for it! Good luck!

[ILOVEYOU]

no... do not get married now.. its better to get engaged... btw it is really soon to get out in the World of problems....... dont kill yourself buddy

[The Batman]

You should wait until you guys can support each other financially before you think about marrying her.

[please help me 69]

i think its a little early, and if u love eachother you will stil be together for more years then you can ask her.

if u r going to propose, maybe be engaged for a couple of years first and not get married straight away. thats what i think

[Sage]

You do realize, if you fail, it's not only going to ruin your prom, but hers' as well, yes? Just don't do it. You're young and emotional. What you feel at one moment may be completely different from what you feel at another. People might tell you to go with your heart, but the road of failure is paved with good intentions. Or some shit like that.

[brandon1992]

Well i want to propose...... We would not get married for a couple years..... We both want to take college and stuff like that. so i quess that is really waht i want to know.... Ahould i propose to her os wait

[Sage]

Well i want to propose...... We would not get married for a couple years..... We both want to take college and stuff like that. so i quess that is really waht i want to know.... Ahould i propose to her os wait

No. It's stupid to propose and wait a few years afterwards to get married. It just makes it even worse if you two should ever break up afterwards and it's too much for her to think about during prom night. If you do it, you'll just end up making an ass of yourself. An adorable ass of yourself, but still an ass of yourself.

[Misty.]

personally,i dont think its stupid...but its cute.. :)
its shows u r serious...n may be...wen ur gf knows u r that serious..she'll b there with u..till the time u actualy go out der in d/f clg may be..n get jobs n be able to marry....
kz in case urs relationship is turning into long distance one...den sharing how serious u r...n ur thoughts is never wrong... :)
n in case i ws in place of ur gf...i would have realy loved it..
u could go easy on her....incase u think she myt freak out :P

[Philip]

don't get married now.its better to get engaged.
at first try to live with her without your parents and after this u understand if u love her realy or it is a temporary seizure

[Sage]

personally,i dont think its stupid...but its cute.. :)
its shows u r serious...n may be...wen ur gf knows u r that serious..she'll b there with u..till the time u actualy go out der in d/f clg may be..n get jobs n be able to marry....
kz in case urs relationship is turning into long distance one...den sharing how serious u r...n ur thoughts is never wrong... :)
n in case i ws in place of ur gf...i would have realy loved it..
u could go easy on her....incase u think she myt freak out :P

Let's be realistic please.

[Misty.]

Let's be realistic please.

love is abt being unrealistic...

[Ryhanna]

I don't think its stupid, I'm jealous actually that you've already got that person and love so strong you want to ask her to marry you. However, I don't recommend you propose yet. I think thats a little far for your age, my dad gave my mum a friendship ring, try something like that, its just that your so young and you have a lot more to experience before marriage.

[Misty.]

see DESCHAIN... :) dats what i was telling u...
the commitmnt gets better..by des stuff :P

[theOperaGhost]

It's kind of a stupid thing to do. Wait until college or after college. If you both truly love each other, you will still be together, so why can't it wait until you both have a steady life? If you both love each other you will still be together...if you don't love each other and break up, you will be happy you didn't propose at such a young age.

[cherry_boi]

lol ur 17, imo---- don't ask her to get married yet

[Modus Operandi]

Yeah, NO. Don't do this now. You're still going through puberty and are still capable of making dumb decisions(you always will be, just to a lesser degree:P). Please wait until you have a steady job, or some other means of making sure you are on good financial ground.

[Sage]

love is abt being unrealistic...

So is being stupid. You can be in love without doing stupid things.

[Misty.]

i dont realy get it :( ....
he loves her..she loves him...they are serious....whats d big deal in just saying i want to marry u...???

but come on..dont u..see he'z just proposing..its not like hes marrying right now....??
i mean...can u plz xplain..y u think dats so rong...??????????

[Sage]

i dont realy get it :( ....
he loves her..she loves him...they are serious....whats d big deal in just saying i want to marry u...???

but come on..dont u..see he'z just proposing..its not like hes marrying right now....??
i mean...can u plz xplain..y u think dats so rong...??????????

cuz i dun tink dat dey r srius.

[brandon1992]

Lol but if i was not serious then why did i ask the question

[Kahn]

Lol but if i was not serious then why did i ask the question

You make a really good point but your only 17. The feeling you two have for each other could change any minute. I know it's been three years with her but its still High School and all of that drama and crap happen in it. Plus reading a few of the posts bring up a few points.
1: What will happen to the chances of higher education?
2: What if you fail at Prom?
3: If you do fail how will you two get along afterwards?
These are just 3 of the questions I've generated for myself. The big question is. Are you ready? If your not and she's not this could turn out very bad and end in a sad break up. I say wait. Go to college and enjoy life. If you still feel the same in a few years then ask her the question. Hope this helps

Adam

[Serenity]

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're ready to take that step. My parents still loved each other when they separated but their relationship was ruined because they weren't ready for marriage when they got together and they weren't ready for all the responsibilities that came with it, like kids, a house, a car, etc. And now I'm watching my brother [21] do the exact same thing with his wife [19].

Love isn't everything. And love certainly IS NOT in any way, shape, or form about being unrealistic. That's very poetic and everything but welcome to the REAL WORLD where people have real things they have to worry about.

Besides, just because you love her doesn't mean she's the one. People can fall in love more than once. And you don't even know if this is love. You feel strongly for her and you think about her all the time. Have you been in love before? Because this sounds a lot like high school infatuation, or at least an immature love. And just because you love her now doesn't mean you will in ten or twenty years. Do you really think 37-year-old you will be the same as 17-year-old you? Do you think she'll be the same? I highly, highly doubt it.

Have you two even discussed the topic of marriage? Do you know how many kids she wants, if any? Do you know what kind of house she wants or where she wants to live? Do you know if you two would create a joint bank account? Do you have any idea whatsoever what her plans for the future are? Do you even HAVE any plans for the future besides "taking college and stuff like that"?

And if you end up going to different colleges, do you think your relationship will last? If you end up being 20 hours apart and can only see each other on major holidays, do you think you can handle the temptation that several THOUSAND new potential mates you'll be meeting will bring?

Let's just say that she really is the one. If you love her that much, you love her enough to wait until you're both ready to take that step. You have no idea whatsoever what is going to happen in both of your lives in the next five to ten years so it would be downright irresponsible for you to make this commitment right now. Keep dating, by all means, give her a promise ring, but don't propose.

[Misty.]

hmm...dis guy makes a good point here...dude... :O
see...if she aint prepared..den thinks cud turn bad... :( :( :"(
do take care of dat part k..???
n do keep us upadated... :P do tell us what u finaly decided n hw u went abt it :)

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagg]

i think its a little early, and if u love eachother you will stil be together for more years then you can ask her.

if u r going to propose, maybe be engaged for a couple of years first and not get married straight away. thats what i think

I completely agree. If you guys really do truly love each other you'll be together years from now when you're financially stable and then you can ask her to marry you.

[brandon1992]

Thanks...... Thats what i was wanting..... not really a yes or no but anyway htanks for the advise well see what happens in the next couple of years

[Serenity]

[P.S. And if your decision was seriously riding on the responses you got from people you don't know on a teen forum online, there's no way in hell you're even close to ready for marriage. I'm just. Saying.]

[nick]

Well, sorry for a late view, but I'm surprised that the answers are so overwhelmingly negative. If you've known her for 3 years its not like making a sudden rash decision. I think it would be best not to get married until you both finish college or university, but if you really love each other and want to be engaged throught that time then why the hell not? How better could you demonstrate your commitment to each other during a period when you would possibly be far apart?

[Serenity]

Well, sorry for a late view, but I'm surprised that the answers are so overwhelmingly negative. If you've known her for 3 years its not like making a sudden rash decision. I think it would be best not to get married until you both finish college or university, but if you really love each other and want to be engaged throught that time then why the hell not? How better could you demonstrate your commitment to each other during a period when you would possibly be far apart?

Three years ago, he was FOURTEEN. That just screams, I'm obviously meeting the love of my life.

And what if they meet other people while they're off at college? What if, as they grow older and more mature over those next four years, one or both of them finds someone who's better for them? That engagement will feel like an obligation, a trap, and that will just lead to bitterness and resentment and then if they break up it would be painful and angry, as opposed to a peaceful breakup where a friendship is possible if they just remain dating now.

Obviously, that's hypothetical and there's no way of knowing what would actually happen. But I've seen plenty of similar situations end up exactly that way.

[theOperaGhost]

Three years ago, he was FOURTEEN. That just screams, I'm obviously meeting the love of my life.

And what if they meet other people while they're off at college? What if, as they grow older and more mature over those next four years, one or both of them finds someone who's better for them? That engagement will feel like an obligation, a trap, and that will just lead to bitterness and resentment and then if they break up it would be painful and angry, as opposed to a peaceful breakup where a friendship is possible if they just remain dating now.

Obviously, that's hypothetical and there's no way of knowing what would actually happen. But I've seen plenty of similar situations end up exactly that way.

Precisely...They haven't experienced the world and the other people in it...they honestly can't know if they truly love each other yet until they experience more in their lives.

[brandon1992]

[P.S. And if your decision was seriously riding on the responses you got from people you don't know on a teen forum online, there's no way in hell you're even close to ready for marriage. I'm just. Saying.]

Its not all riding on this. Her and i are going to talk about everything before i make a decission on what i want to do. THis is going to be somthing that her and i decide.... I just wanted to see what others thought about it

[Sage]

Its not all riding on this. Her and i are going to talk about everything before i make a decission on what i want to do. THis is going to be somthing that her and i decide.... I just wanted to see what others thought about it

But you're asking about whether or not you should propose to her, as one does not make marriage arrangements before proposing.

[INFERNO]

I think you two should wait until you're older because you're only in highschool you haven't explored nor understood much of the world, you haven't felt the effects of being more independent (assuming you will be in college or university) and so forth. I think it's too much on one plate and it's likely the plate is over-flowing onto the floor.

As for my response to other posts, Misty, can you please type coherently? I understand it's a teen forum, however, I'm having trouble trying to decipher whatever it is you're trying to say. Learning to communicate properly helps a lot in life and in the possibility of marriage.

personally,i dont think its stupid...but its cute.. :)
its shows u r serious...n may be...wen ur gf knows u r that serious..she'll b there with u..till the time u actualy go out der in d/f clg may be..n get jobs n be able to marry....
kz in case urs relationship is turning into long distance one...den sharing how serious u r...n ur thoughts is never wrong... :)
n in case i ws in place of ur gf...i would have realy loved it..
u could go easy on her....incase u think she myt freak out :P

It took my some time to understand what the hell you're typing, but what on Earth is the bolded part saying? I have honestly no clue what you're typing.

Does their commitment show seriousness? Yes, however, that doesn't mean they should get married nor propose to one another.

love is abt being unrealistic...

You can argue that virtually every subjective feeling and belief is unrealistic. Your point is moot and void.

see DESCHAIN... dats what i was telling u... [/quote[

Unfortunately, of all the people who posted excluding you, only one person supported your view while the rest went against it. The majority of those who went against it had much more rationale than you did. Hardly a sign that your view is "the view".

[QUOTE=Misty.;672102]i dont realy get it :( ....
he loves her..she loves him...they are serious....whats d big deal in just saying i want to marry u...???

I'll try to explain this in simple terms, even simpler than it's already in but I have no certainties that you will understand it. If you are going to propose to someone regarding marriage, then the idea is you want to marry now or very soon, not in a few years. It's like asking someone "hey, do you want to see the football game with me" and if they say yes, you'd respond with "OK, I'll pick you up for it in three years".

The issue is that it makes the entire idea of marriage and engagement completely null and void, and for a relationship where its members are so committed, it may be like a slap in the face because it may mock their commitment.

If you don't understand that, then I don't know how else to spoon-feed it to you.

hmm...dis guy makes a good point here...dude... :O
see...if she aint prepared..den thinks cud turn bad... :( :( :"(

... Yes, that should have been rather obvious, I assumed that was one of the potential problems that ran through almost everyone's mind who posted but obviously I was wrong.

I wonder though, what potential problems, other than the ones already listed, do you see? And please, try to type in a way that's remotely coherent and doesn't lead to me struggling to figure out what your post even says when translated into a more legible form of English.

[Misty.]

@INFERNO
i applogise...for the language used..[its coz i m so so used to chatting n stuff..sory it hapend..]n d/f ws for different and clg for college..

n see i wanted to know why i was the only one supporting it...i wanted some1 to explain it...n u did...n i m glad...because...the way i saw his proposal was..."i love u..i want to marry u...but lets first go attend college n become something"
for me it was not like.."going for a movie"...or "watching a football match"

because the way i see it...was a little diffrent...i was trying to find out rationality in being irrational :( [i hope its making sense :(]
because if they love each other...the marriage part can wait..even though he proposes before..[was my way of thinking]..for i was taking proposal as a DECLARATION of how much d girl ACTUALY MEANT TO HIM... [marriage part can b delayed..if their relationship has attained a maturity level .. n both r understanding enough... :)]

if u put proposal==marriage right now..then i m with u...by whatever each n every person said here...

[INFERNO]

i applogise...for the language used..[its coz i m so so used to chatting n stuff..sory it hapend..]n d/f ws for different and clg for college..

Thank you for translating your post into something more legible and thank you for writing your response in something that is closer to the English language.


n see i wanted to know why i was the only one supporting it

You weren't the only one supporting it, there was at least one other member who posted supporting you.


because the way i see it...was a little diffrent...i was trying to find out rationality in being irrational :( [i hope its making sense :(]

You said before that you believe love is irrational and so you want to find evidence to prove your beliefs incorrect yet even if you do, you won't abandon those initial beliefs. I'm getting the impression you're trying to deliver me a pile of non sense.


because if they love each other...the marriage part can wait

That's what the issue at hand is, whether or not they should get married. You've now stated that you believe they shouldn't get married right now, which seems to contradict some of your previous posts.


if u put proposal==marriage right now..then i m with u...by whatever each n every person said here...

I'm not saying that though. I view a proposal and marriage, at least in Western societies as being a reflection of one's love for their partner (although this idea isn't always the case). I view a proposal as taking the relationship more seriously and asking your partner if they're willing to re-define who they are. I view a marriage as one step up from a proposal because the actual act of changing one's identity and so forth is accomplished. A proposal is simply putting the suggestion out there whereas a marriage is going with the suggestion and is the act of doing the suggestions.

[WonderChild]

Wait! My friend got married at 20 and he thought that was too young. Just dont do it. Think into the future, you may be happy now but something may come up. Just please dont do it.

[Misty.]

@inferno...see for me...if a guy proposes marriage..is equivalent to a "saying i wish/want to marry u"(& this i dont think involves with an ultimatum..that you have to marry me within 1 year...2 year or so..)
and that is WHY...!!! i thought that the idea of proposing..is not that bad..!!!

that is my opinion!!!!!...n i can only change if --it if i see that the point you are making is making sense to me or not..!!!( n i realy dint like your way of putting my opnion as "horse shit"...dono wether im being oversenstive or what..!!!)

People here were concerned about the guy proposing his gf...and them getting married immediately...!!!( trust me..i dont like the idea of getting married so early too..)

but as to what harm would the PROPOSAL thing do...??? is beyond my thinking (in case their love is true..no matter what the situations they are facing..its going to only harbour a more strong n mature bond...and in case its like they find out their love is not good enough..they can sit back and you know...sort things out..amicably part ways..if necessary..its not like they are married..sharing loans..having kids..paying mortgage...considering I REPEAT>> i M NOT ASKING THEM to GET MARRIED ...!!!!!!!!)

[Rutherford The Brave]

@inferno...see for me...if a guy proposes marriage..is equivalent to a "saying i wish/want to marry u"(& this i dont think involves with an ultimatum..that you have to marry me within 1 year...2 year or so..)
and that is WHY...!!! i thought that the idea of proposing..is not that bad..!!!

that is my opinion!!!!!...n i can only change if --it if i see that the point you are making is making sense to me or not..!!!( n i realy dint like your way of putting my opnion as "horse shit"...dono wether im being oversenstive or what..!!!)

People here were concerned about the guy proposing his gf...and them getting married immediately...!!!( trust me..i dont like the idea of getting married so early too..)

but as to what harm would the PROPOSAL thing do...??? is beyond my thinking (in case their love is true..no matter what the situations they are facing..its going to only harbour a more strong n mature bond...and in case its like they find out their love is not good enough..they can sit back and you know...sort things out..amicably part ways..if necessary..its not like they are married..sharing loans..having kids..paying mortgage...considering I REPEAT>> i M NOT ASKING THEM to GET MARRIED ...!!!!!!!!)

Just because you have a strong bond does not mean you are ready to marry. Having a bond is great and all but to quote inferno, Its HORSE SHIT its on the bottom of the pile when you get married. You have to love someone yes, but first you need to think. Do I trust this person to handle my funds, can this person act responsable? Can this person take care of children when we have some? They are far too young to assume any mature duties of that nature! Hell I am! It takes a shit load of work to get married and to retain a relationship of this magnitude. If you think that people can sustain a marriage solely based on love, then your opinion is "Horse Shit"

[Misty.]

tell me something...if u love some1..n he/she cant handle money matters appropraitely..will u dump that person??? just becuse he/she cant handle some stuff...!!!

n I think no one is born with skills of handling kids/banking..etc from their mom's womb..!!! they learn it over the time...given two partners are madly in love with each other..they can improve together..grow together...become support system of each other..n being in love improves their short commings!!

ohh god..!!! i mean now u go again saying the same thing i dislike ...again n again..!!!
let it be...whatever u say about what i have to say...be it u,inferno or some1 else who would go on saying something even more disgusting about my opnion..!!!! I dont care...i think VT is about every1s opnion..n i have the right to share what i feel..!!!!

[Bougainvillea]

But don't expect everyone to just agree with it. Expect it to be called upon.

And I would definitely think twice about marrying sometone if they can't handle those things. How can you take care of a family if you can't even take care of yourself?

[Misty.]

hmm..i guess i m being just extra senstive..!! :( my shortcomming..ill haf to imrprove..!!

anyways..i didnt say marry a guy/gal like dat...its just IF U LOVE the person...wud u REFUSE marriage if they dont know how to manage finances or something??? ( i thought u dint realy get my point) wont it b better to help dem improve their skills??? :O

[Severus Snape]

You are not ready to support her or any semblance of a family. Wait until after you are established in society, have a job, and don't need parental consent to marry.

[Sage]

IF U LOVE the person...wud u REFUSE marriage if they dont know how to manage finances or something???

I'd say it's too early, yes. Please stop giving people advice. You're not helping.

[sjnp95]

I think you should wait till maybe senior year in college.

[TheKingDavis]

hmm...dis guy makes a good point here...dude... :O
see...if she aint prepared..den thinks cud turn bad... :( :( :"(
do take care of dat part k..???
n do keep us upadated... :P do tell us what u finaly decided n hw u went abt it :)

Please use your fucking KEYBOARD PROPERLY