Do i mean it or am i just fooling me and the others around me?

[Teardrop Harmony]

ok,
my name is Taylin Foster and i and sick of life!:(
it all started when i was 14, i got home from school to a police man on my doorstep. i got told of my mothers death. :(:(
i started to self harm and cut 35 times a day, in case you are wondering y 35 well that is how old my mother was before she died. i have stopped but i am going to start again soon i just know it because my head is hurting inside out and i nt cope. i know i am not alone but why do i feel so cold. i want to cry but i cant because i am too numb and i cant make it through the day without thinking off killing myself,
has anyone felt like this, has anyone here done the things i have and if so have you stopped and y did you, i stopped because of my boyfriend but please someone explain me to myself

[Becky]

I've been there not it the exact situation but feeling the way you are feeling. What age are you now?
Because you did it exactly 35 times in a day it may have became habbit which may have now become an addiction which you feel you can't live without.
Do you have any friends or other family you could talk about your feelings about killing yourself with even a doctor a consellor I've stopped for a short time now it's hard I have my blade right here and want to cut very badly but it feels so good that I'm not aim for that aim to push through these feelings.

[OnlyByTheNight.]

Listen closely to me Taylin, this is not good for you to be doing. I am really sorry to hear about your mother's death, it must have been a horrible, life-altering experience for you. But seriously, do you think your mom would like to see you harming yourself? I somehow think she wouldn't like that one bit!
I'm glad you stopped. But please don't start again. Self-harm doesn't cure anything and you will become addicted.
Just please, don't do it. You want to leave the hurt out, just PM me! Just rant about everything and I promise to read every word of it and reply to you.
Just please don't re-start self-harming Taylin. It really isn't worth it!

[Lost and Confused1]

I'm really sorry to hear about what has happened to your mom, I honestly can't imagine what I would do if something like that happened. You are definitely strong!

Cutting isn't the best way to cope with this. Have you considered seeing a therapist or anything regarding this? Maybe talking to someone might help. Keep your head up, and stay strong.

PM me if you need anything hun <3

[Ortizitthisone]

Hey Taylin,
Please don't cut yourself! I promise you, it's not worth it.

You should talk to someone! Is there anyone you can talk to? A trusted adult, like a therapist, teacher or counselor? Perhaps a friend's parent? Not everyone has to know, but I find it is very helpful to be able to talk to people.

The problem is that you've been feeling nothing but pain for so long that it becomes numbness. You cut because it makes you feel something. It's bad for you, but feeling something is better than being completely numb. What you have to do (and you need help to do it) is to re-train yourself to feel something other than the pain. You have to feel the wonderful happiness that life can bring. You've been away from it for so long that you've forgotten what it's like. But you deserve it! You deserve to feel happiness in your life.

You can't keep going down this road, hun. You have to pull yourself up out of this. A great way to start is by talking to someone. Anyone will do, preferably a trusted adult. If you have to go to therapy, then that's what it takes. If you have to go on medication for a while, then that's what it takes. But I promise you, as hard as it can be to talk to people about this, it's the only way to start yourself on the road to getting better. And the road to getting better, as long and hard as it is, it is SO MUCH better than the alternative.

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. Coming on here to talk to us about this is a great step in the right direction, it proves that you are capable of reaching out and looking for help. You are too good a person to hurt yourself, please don't do it.

I hope I helped. I'm great at listening to rants, so if you want to talk, please feel free to PM or AIM me. Just about anyone here on this forum is willing to listen, so please don't hesitate to contact someone.

Hang in there hun. It gets better. I promise.
--Jim

[Atonement]

I agree with the above stated.

You've been through a lot. You're done a lot. Now, its time to get better. You need help. We can't do it on our own. I suggest you talk to someone. Approach a school counselor and ask if you can talk. Or, write them a letter. In all, you really need to see a psychologist. You arne't handling the grief well. You aren't handling it all really and you need help. The help can be achieved by stepping out of your comfort zone for a second and letting someone in just for a second so you can get the help you NEED.

[MadManWithaBox]

Taylor, you've had a horrible experience, and dealt with an awful lot, But think right now, if your mum were alive now, would she want to see hurting yourself? would it make any happier? no. cutting is a dangerous habit to get into. But its good you've come on here, the first step to talking. However there's only so much we, as people you've never met on the internet can do. I reccomend seeing a councellor/therapist. If you need to talk, drop me a pm

[Teardrop Harmony]

hey people, i would like to tank you for replying but this might help you all to understand better. i have bipolar so when i told my friend they just thought i was normal behaviour for me, i know it isnt and that put me oof of telling people, god this situation is so messed up man