Something's wrong with me

[Dorofolash]

I feel some kind of mental issue coming about. I don't think straight. I hate myself, I hate everyone around me. But I'm scared, I'm terrified actually. I'm scared to have the light on, because I don't trust my surroundings, I don't want to see it. Perhaps it's severe OCD. My lamp blew out, and I had to turn my main light on, and I'm miserable. I'm so miserable. Everything looks fake to me, I feel like something is wrong, something is out of place. Maybe it's the light that's fake, it's not the day-light, but it's a bulb. Something about it just terrifies me. And I don't have any lightbulbs to put in my lamp, it's a 40w lamp and I only have bulbs above 40w. I'm paranoid, I had a mental breakdown tonight, I was crying, rambling about how there's a void, like any typical unhappy person, but it was so real. My chest felt like there was a hole in it, and air was going through it, it swells with heat. And my face tingles, and I'm dizzy, and I'm nauseous.

After just getting up, I've adjusted the lighting in my room to something that makes me a little bit more comfortable. I've had no shirt on up until now, I feel more comfortable. I feel alright, but I'm paranoid still. I'm still scared of my surroundings. As far as I know I haven't taken any drugs today.



My diet today consisted of an egg and cheese sandwhich, two cups of hashbrowns from dunkin donuts, tofu chicken nuggets, 2Ls of Arizona Green Tea & Lemonade, and two cans of redbull.

I haven't smoked weed in two weeks, I broke up with my girlfriend a little over a month ago, and I'm not over it, I hate her boyfriend. I've had adequate amounts of sleep. I haven't done anything social in three days, and tomorrow willl be no different. I will not talk to anyone about this. I will not. I want my lamp back. It feels so wrong without my lamp on. I have twenty-five dollars in my wallet. My cat is sitting next to me like always, and I'm indifferent about her existence right now, which is good, I'm not terrified of her. I talked to three people today, two on IM, one on Ventrilo, the conversations were okay, nothing could have triggered this.

I'm going out to eat tomorrow with my mom. I have no other plans. I have no anxiety, everything in my life is just fine. Except this. I'm not tired, I'm never really tired. About a week ago, I was happy as fuck, just hanging out on my bed listening to music, not worrying about anything, and now today I'm scared. I'm seeing faint black lines with orange borders in my vision and I feel like they're calling me or something. I'm terrified. I brushed my teeth this morning, I haven't showered yet today, I planned on doing so at about 8:00PM, but this distracted me. There's a little Jesus statue in a box on the counter, it worries me. I'm sorry if any of this is a little weird, I'm just really fucking worried right now, I'm not sure if I'm even asking for help, I just need to tell someone.

I feel like I did the time when me and my friend stared each other in our eyes and saw images, I was feeling like this.

[sarah newman]

If you feel like this then there are 5 groups of people you can talk to about this...
Your parents-If you have a good relationship with them, i fell awkward telling mine.
A teacher-If your at secondary school you could tell your tutor teacher or someone you can trust.
Your friends-A friend you know that will keep a secret.
Your GP-Seeing adoctor may help. They might put you on some sort of medication but you will need your parents there if you get medication, but if you just want to talk to the doctor then you probably wont need your parents there with you if you dont want them to be there.
A counsillor/school counsillor-Counsillors are really good people to talk to, they will listen and help as best as they can, but if its not a school counsillor then they might ring your parents to tell them about, but a school counsillor probably wont thell them if you dont want them to.
Hope this information helps, if you need someone to talk to then by all means, pm me. Your not the only one, this can be common. There may not be any people who has this problem around where you live, but you would be surprised.
Good luck in the feature x

[Delusion15]

maybe talk to a counselor or an adult.


don't let this worry you but it sounds like schizophrenia

[Dorofolash]

I'm not close to my parents, and my counselor is a complete douchebag. I'm not speaking to them.

[Triceratops]

I would seek advice from a professional. You may just be going through a phase of stress and worries building up causing you to behave as anxious as this, or it could be of another matter. You'll never know unless you recieve help and further details to get to the bottom of this. You do sound like a typical person who's obsessive and compulsive but almost everyone experiences symptoms within the OCD criteria.

don't let this worry you but it sounds like schizophrenia

No, wrong.

Schizophrenia is extremely rare for anyone who hasn't fully psychologically matured yet. Besides, it's almost an impossible chance for the OP to be schizophrenic.

[Kahn]

Well I've had these feelings before when I was with my Father. I always cried because all he did was yell at me and I always talked to myself. What I did was commit to something. I commited to joining the Air force. I made this commitment three years ago and thats what still think. I train research it, do whatever I can to condition for everything I will have to go through. You maybe could do something just like that. Commit to something. Don't commit to a person Commit to an activity.

Hope this helps.

[Shenron]

Sorry for the late reply,

Are you suicidal, or do you think you might self harm? If not, then this is still a problem, just not an absolute emergency. I am going to reccomend that you talk to a professional, if you can't do that, then you should confide in someone, only one person, because if you talk to several, they will surely have a difference in opinion, and the variations in their responses could be detrimental to the solving of your problem. I had a friend that had something similiar to this, but kept it all bottled up inside, he hated his parents, and he eventually came to me. We were like brothers we were so close, I tried to calm him down, but he was frantic, and he thought someone was coming to get him, so I sat him down and talked to him, he wouldn't listen. I finally convinced him to stay the night at my house, and stayed up as long as I could, but I fell asleep around 4:30am. When I woke up, he wasn't in my room. I am not going to get in to particulars because it hurts, but he is no longer with us. I was the one to find him, and the image is forever burned into my mind.

Sorry if that didn't pertain to the topic, I just figured it was relevant. My point is, talk to someone before it gets worse, and is to late. You can't keep these things bottled up inside.

Hope this helps :) And if you need to talk, pm me.