What the f*** is wrong with me...

[insane]

I don't remember when was the last time I had some expressive emotions like anger or crying... Just that cold feeling and voices in my head that tell me to destroy. And I do so.

Today I asked a chick from my class (cause she's reliable) to hold my hand while I'm cutting a word. No pain, just no more ghosts, no more cold...

It's in symbols but the meaning is "harmony" and with that I hope I finally told myself to stop (could I find a stupider way?) but all I really know is that I can't clearly understand what's good and what's wrong for me. Did that ever happened to anyone of you? :confused:

P.S. If I get cought I'll spend my days in a madhouse. I must stop

[Triceratops]

Actually, I used to experience this quite often.
Especially when you say "I can't understand what's good and what's wrong for me." as I always used to question everything and come up with my own ideas that would just damage me. Although that may not be the case for you.
Carving images and certain words in to my flesh was something I had trouble stopping for a while too.

My advice for you is to get professional help - I wouldn't exactly call the way you're behaving normal so it does need seeing to. I'm not saying you have a psychological disorder of the sort but I just think you need to solve your worries and stresses with a therapist because if this continues it will only get ten times worse.

[Fusion]

I would start to think positive, find a hobby also that takes up a lot of time so you are busy and as Pandora said Get professional help, I know you may not want to but I think it would be the best thing for you to stop cutting and as you say you want to stop :)