I did something stupid-twice, then something worse

[Darkness]

I did it again last night because it felt so good, and made everything so clear, but once it was over for some reason i panicked and text'd the girl I like because of it, I tried to shrug it off, but she got pissed off and I told her, and I don't know why I said anything because I shouldn't have involved her, no reply after I told her, and I've no idea why I reacted like that, they were only small scratches and only produced the smallest amount of blood, and if anyone knows why the hell I freaked out like that please tell me.

[Hyper]

Maybe you realized what kind of stupid cycle your getting into

Maybe the small amount of blood made you scared

Maybe your thoughts rushed ahead and you were frightened by the possibility of people finding out..

[nick]

Look at her reaction Feren, your story has put tears in my eyes because I so much hoped you would hold out. It affects people around you, and it will affect how some of your friends think of you and react to you - which is unlikely to help. If you freaked out maybe it shows you know this is a bad move and really shouldnt go there. Sorry, wish I knew what to say that would actually help.

[Darkness]

She just asked me why and I said because of the little things... but it isn't- it's because of her... but I can't tell her that, I hate lying to her. but I've no idea what else to do... :(
And I think it was because I was scared of some one finding out... but why then go jump in to the deep end like that?

Thanks for replying guys.

EDIT:
Shit, I have PE tomorrow and I don't have any long sleeved T-shirts, what the hell am I gonna do?!

[Hyper]

She just asked me why and I said because of the little things... but it isn't- it's because of her... but I can't tell her that, I hate lying to her. but I've no idea what else to do... :(
And I think it was because I was scared of some one finding out... but why then go jump in to the deep end like that?

Thanks for replying guys.

EDIT:
Shit, I have PE tomorrow and I don't have any long sleeved T-shirts, what the hell am I gonna do?!

Buy one or make up a bad ass story x.x

[2D]

Or buy a badass story and make your own shirt.

Oh wait.....that's what I would.

But seriously I was in the same exact position as you. (As far as I know) I cut cuz I screwed up with this girl. I don't know exactly what happened cuz my memory sucks. But it was because of her. And I freaked out when I did the first time and I told 3 people. It was weird. There was no reason to. It was just a few small small cuts. Now that I look back I think I was reaching out for help. But I didn't take it till later. Stop now while your skin is smooth and your will is strong.

[Darkness]

Or buy a badass story and make your own shirt.

Oh wait.....that's what I would.

But seriously I was in the same exact position as you. (As far as I know) I cut cuz I screwed up with this girl. I don't know exactly what happened cuz my memory sucks. But it was because of her. And I freaked out when I did the first time and I told 3 people. It was weird. There was no reason to. It was just a few small small cuts. Now that I look back I think I was reaching out for help. But I didn't take it till later. Stop now while your skin is smooth and your will is strong.

Shit I am the exact same, it was only two people I told, and I've not screwed the relationship up yet. But other than that it's the damn same!
It was ok in P.E. the bastards didn't notice anything when I was changing, lucky me, and it was raining so I put my jaket on so I got away with it.

I told her to ignore my crap because it's my fault, I don't know if or if not that was a good idea.

[Fusion]

Maybe you realized what kind of stupid cycle your getting into

Maybe the small amount of blood made you scared

Maybe your thoughts rushed ahead and you were frightened by the possibility of people finding out..


I agree some of these could have contributed

[Sapphire]

Hang on a minute...You did this over a girl?!
My God, the kids of today are just taking this thing to a whole new level.
Why don't you get yourself into a boxing class? Why don't you get yourself things to do to vent emotions?
Seriously, doing this to yourself over a girl is just ridiculously stupid. It's pathetic.

[Darkness]

Hang on a minute...You did this over a girl?!
My God, the kids of today are just taking this thing to a whole new level.
Why don't you get yourself into a boxing class? Why don't you get yourself things to do to vent emotions?
Seriously, doing this to yourself over a girl is just ridiculously stupid. It's pathetic.


Yes I did there's other stuff, allot of other stuff but that was the biggest one.

She knows I lied to her, I don't know if I should tell her why I did cut, but that would mean telling her exactly how I feel about her. I feel so manipulative.. This is less than pathetic, pathetic would suggest that I was unable to not do this... I was able to not do this and I did so is my fault, just like everything else.

Why didn't I join a boxing class: because I already do karate if it doesn't help why would boxing?
Why don't I get myself things to do: I play war-games I buy stuff, I paint it, I play basically a harder game of chess with it. Why don't I play video games?.. I do.. what does it do... nothing exept make me even more frustrated.
I'm sorry I'm ranting, I'll stop now.

[Sapphire]

If you were able to avoid doing this then why did you let yourself do it? You know it's bad and won't acheive anything, so why do it?
By this point it isn't an addiction or a habit so it is easy to stop. Stop it and find something else to do instead. Something to vent your emotions, something to distract yourself. Anything.
There's no shortage of things to do. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/announcement.php?f=16&a=52)

Kids who think that this type of thing is helped by self harming are just pathetic.

[Darkness]

It doesn't help but it makes it easier, but you are of course right, I suppose I must stop.

[Sapphire]

You suppose?!!!

Fucking hell...I hate kids.

You have control of it at the moment. You are being stupid and doing it for ridiculous reasons but you still have control.
Carry on and I guarantee you will lose that control. You wil no longer have the choice.