Yet Again...

[MysticalBurrito]

I don't see a point in living anymore...Me and Mom got in a fight Sunday...I think...She blamed everything that goes wrong in the house on me...She said "It's your fault that everything in the house is a disaster! You and your dark little room. Why do you even come downstairs anymore? All you care about is your laptop and your room, You don't even care about Me or anyone else anymore."
What she said hurt and wasn't true...I love her and Dad...Sometimes she pisses me off so much...She's always blaming me for everything wrong that happens....
Something goes missing Karina has it.
Search her room.
It isn't there.
She doesn't even say sorry after she yells at me for whatnot.
A couple months ago I cut and she threatened to send me to a hospital she literly yelled at me the whole time didn't even let me explain.
Said I was trying to "Manipulate" them...When I only told her because I thought she would try to understand...
I've since then started cutting again....I feel so numb...I want everything to go away...
I told my Dad about the cutting and being suicidal all he did was said that every morning when I feed the horses we should pray...It's not helping nothing is since then I've still been cutting...
I stopped eating three days ago because of feeling fat.
Yesterday my sister managed to call me fat 6 times in 5 minutes..I'm sick of it...
I tried to commit suicide earlier....I went too deep and panicked, start to go downstairs and passed out falling 5 stairs. Called a friend when I somehow managed to drag myself to the phone...
She called 911 and I ended up with stitches...I was home alone so it was a good chance to try so I did...
I just want everything to stop....

[2D]

Karina, here's my advice. You say you have nothing to live for. Well make your life worth living. Any way you can. And about getting called fat. Don't starve yourself. Your body just goes into starvation mode and stores everything you have as fat. It does not work.

Look you have my number call me next time you feel like this. Please. I want to help.:hug:

[MysticalBurrito]

:( Thanks Jeff.
Things have gotten worse.
My mom found out about my cutting, The fighting is still going on, My dad is on his way to the hospital because a artery in his nose from surgery somehow reopened and he lost almost 2 cups on blood from the last one and I'm really worried...

[2D]

Talk to your parents about the fighting. I don't care if you already have. Do it again. Tell them you'll leave if they keep it up. And if the don't stop. Leave at night. Don't come back for awhile. When you're not in your bed in the morning it'll be a pretty big wake up call. At least to me it would be. And I'm sure your dad will be fine. And just keep fighting the cutting. I know you can do it.

[MysticalBurrito]

There's no where to go to.
:hug: Thanks again I think things will get better with time the fighting might be because my mom is stressed out about my dad :/

[alex95]

my mom does the same exact thing i already tried to kill my self... she yells at me all i care about is the computer and every mess is my fault.... and my sister gets all the care and my brothers... i love them both but my dad is only nice one..

[Shalom]

You have to be strong! Take everything day by day and do things that make you happy.

[unspokensecrets]

I can relate to the this. Never had stitches for it though.
And, nothing is your fault. It's the fault of the flesh. we do things, we mess up, yes. It happens to all of us. Try not to take it so hard and just sit there and say "okay..." to your mum as she yells at you. I try to do that. somehow it works. Praying doesn't always cure something. Yes, it does help. Because saying it out loud is a load off of your chest. (: You deserve that.
Starving yourself won't help anything at all. 'cause when you start to eat again, even a little bit it'll 10x as worse and you'll gain every pound you dropped back.

[Blue63]

We're all human, we all make mistakes, including your parents. You'd think they'd realize that by now, that it's not just you. I'm sorry. I wish I could take some of that pain of yourself and put it on me :hug:

You're in a toxic environment, I know you love your parents, never forget that love. I do agree you need to get away, you need to explain yourself. When your Mom is in a tirade, or whatever is going on, and you need to get out of there and go. Surely you have a bike or some form of transportation, even if it is just running. Run to a friends house, run to a park, run somewhere. If she threatens to call the cops, run. If she threatens to ground you, run. If she blames you, run. You're not gone forever, even tell her "I'll be back," But when that's going on, just get out of there. Confront her when you both have a cool head.

What's important is there are people that care about you, you may not see it now. Everyday something new happens, don't give up, you still have the future. That's one thing no one can take away from you =D

[2D]

Going away even for a lil bit is also a good point. Almost every night I grab my iPod, go to the park near my house around midnight, and sing my lungs out. It really helps. (:

[MysticalBurrito]

my mom does the same exact thing i already tried to kill my self... she yells at me all i care about is the computer and every mess is my fault.... and my sister gets all the care and my brothers... i love them both but my dad is only nice one..
It feels like my Dad understands me better than anyone else because he takes his time to learn who did what and what happened instead of just yelling at me.

We're all human, we all make mistakes, including your parents. You'd think they'd realize that by now, that it's not just you. I'm sorry. I wish I could take some of that pain of yourself and put it on me :hug:

You're in a toxic environment, I know you love your parents, never forget that love. I do agree you need to get away, you need to explain yourself. When your Mom is in a tirade, or whatever is going on, and you need to get out of there and go. Surely you have a bike or some form of transportation, even if it is just running. Run to a friends house, run to a park, run somewhere. If she threatens to call the cops, run. If she threatens to ground you, run. If she blames you, run. You're not gone forever, even tell her "I'll be back," But when that's going on, just get out of there. Confront her when you both have a cool head.

What's important is there are people that care about you, you may not see it now. Everyday something new happens, don't give up, you still have the future. That's one thing no one can take away from you =D
It feels like I have to future...

Going away even for a lil bit is also a good point. Almost every night I grab my iPod, go to the park near my house around midnight, and sing my lungs out. It really helps. (:

I live in the country so there's like no where to go and the park in town in a local area for gangsters

[2D]

I live in the country so there's like no where to go and the park in town in a local area for gangsters

The country is perfect silly. Even less people out. Just go walking for a long time. There's trees there I assume? hahaha Well go sit in one and just calm down. =]

[loz4]

You've still got a lot to live for your 14 :), the night is darkest before the dawn. having said that I just want you to stay strong through this rough patch. I have no problem with you cutting because I understand I used to do it when i got upset, but try to cut down. Hope you pull through :) and like Jeff said try and get out of the house and calm down.

[Blue63]

It feels like I have no future...


Okay I'm not in the best place right now either, so I can understand you. I'll try to lift us both up here.

It feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, and that with each day comes more burden and pain. More fighting, more pressure, more stress, more despair. A quote comes to mind right now, and it's all I can offer I think.

"Some are born great, and some have greatness thrust upon them." I believe that's Albert Einstien. There is nothing stopping you from having greatness thrust upon you. Things change in time, keep that in mind. Today might suck, tomorrow might not. Keep fighting for the unknown.