i just wanted to share how i felt the first time i had feelings for a boy

[daveywavey]

and maybe it is similiar to how somebody else felt

probably the first time i realized i might be bi or gay was when i had my first real best friend, his name was adam, and i knew from the beginning there was something different about him, when we would hang out i would feel alot more happy then i would just with a normal friend, and at the time i didnt realize it, then at about 12(3 and a half years ago) we had our first sleep over, and wow i was NERVOUS for some reason, we stayed up talking about anything all night, his presence there with me made my heart pound, so hard it felt like my heart was going to come through my chest, like little bolts of lightning were going through my blood, wow it was the first time i had EVER felt that way about anything, i figured ide share this cause im new to the forum, and i was wondering if anyone else had a simliar experience to that, i never had shared that until i came here so wow that feels alot better to get that off my chest


davey:wub:

[Connor1]

davey... u and me both... it wasnt till i met my friend kev...all others never made me feel the way he did...we would laugh and talk for hours...iv never had the guts to tell him how i feel...iv had some close calls tho...we've been best friends since gr 7....i think i wana keep it like that tho... id rather have him as a friend then nothing at all u know

[daveywavey]

yes i definitly know how you feel, me and adam had a rough time, because my parents got a divorce last year, and i had to move to canada with my mom, so we couldnt be friends or anything or ever see eachother, we still talk online sometimes but i feel like were going in different directions now, i know what you mean connor, we would tlak on the phone for HOURS about anythign that came to mind, we could do anything together and not be bored, i miss it alot, he was the only person who ever knew me for me you know?

[sam i am]

Davey ik where u coming from..all tho my experience is a little different because i met him on a bus trip to canada from ny ...here's a poem i wrote about him or "us" i typed on my laptop



U was the first person i loved,so deeply. We only knew each other for 1 week but it seem like i was on my feet. Holding the memories in my mind hoping that u will soon be mine. Ur name is a mystery to me.This is a case i can't see,blind by the fading years, when i look back i only shed tears. Ik this isn't a movie so not everything would be,again as i wish i can only see. We connected like no other beings,I detect I'm only imagining things. I remember how u look like the back of my hand,telling my self that this is not the end. I believe people meet for a reason,even the simplest "hello" can affect u as u go. U are the sweetest guy i ever met,ur someone that i can't forget. It's about to be 2 years,u promise u would come back. U left me with worries,can u see where i started to lack... for u more. Ur name is either Chris or Aron,but does it really matter where i begin. U treated me like a bro and something more,Ik i sound pathetic but this is one thing that i fell for. Now ur probably 15 and Im about to be 14. Our age maybe apart, but that didn't matter to us from the start .. I love the way u understand me,talking to me so firmly like i have ignored u. Although i haven't admit it, i adore u. U showed me what life was about,and told me i can cry to a even amount. U was strong and i like that. U didn't let nothing put u down,and i bet not even till now.

[daveywavey]

very heart felt of you sam, loss is hard, but what doesnt kill u makes u stronger

[sam i am]

Yup it is but i hope i see him this summer again =)

[Fourth Dimension]

ik exactly how you feel when i first knew well let me put it this way i always knew i was different from other boys mainly because back in like kindergarden when girls are saposta be gross 90% of my friends were girls i didnt think much of it but then around 11 and 12 i started figuring it out and i was thinking this cant be then when i was 12 my parents sepperated(still not divorced just seperated since 04) i went with my mom and i have had girlfriends before but at m new school i met someone his name was alex we became quick friends we told eachother everything and one night he told me he was gay and well i wasnt shocked and i explaned to him my situation and he helped me through it and we became closer and when i stayed at his house one night i felt the same way you did dave and i just knew and he and i eventualy dated but in 06 he passed away due to a 4wheeler accident none of my friends know the full story on him they just know we were bffs but i miss him everyday and will always i can truely say i loved him

[sildavin]

Davey, I had an almost identical situation as you did: Entering my freshman Year of high School.

I was going to a local Voc Tech High School, and I joined the ROTC there, it was there I met this boy, His name was Chris, same as mine, he was about 4 inches shorter then me, and OMFG was he cute, I couldnt get him out of my mind, always wanted to be with him, and extremely jealous when he was with other guys, when we got to boot camp, himd and I shared I bunk, i slept above him, and he occupied my dreams, In my mind, it was love.

But it was AWFUL. I was afraid to be in love with a Guy. my family is extremely homophobic and they would have disowned me, I tried to tell my best friend, but chickened out.

Because of how I felt for him changed the way I acted, I became very territorial over him, and one night, on the last day of boot camp they played a series of jokes on us that embarrassed me to no end, they took me out of my bunk, put me in his, and when we woke up, we were cuddled together, it was awful. and on the way home, a 14 hour bus ride, him and i sat next to each other, and fell asleep, we awoke to everyone laughing, our heads had rested together, and everyone was taking pictures and even put it in the school news paper.

I transferred schools the following year, and haven't spoken to him since, I miss him everyday, and believe that he was my first love :(

Not even my closest friend knows that story, I guess now I need to tell him otherwise, he'll hate me

[daveywavey]

Thanks for sharing chris nice talking with people who understand me. Siiiigh life is complicated for me right now with school and dance 3 times a week and my emotions spinning out of control. I can't even watch a sad movie or show without crying. Somtimes I wanna get in fetal position and get into a cocoon and not come out. Sry for getting off topic but i needed to vent a bit

peace happiness and love for all


Davey

[Severus Snape]

Right on!

Before puberty started, so about nine, ten, elevenish, I felt a strong emotional bond to many of my close guy friends. Nothing sexual even crossed my mind. I did feel odd, however, because I was always awkward around my good looking friends, for absolutely no reason I could explain. There wasn't a sexual attraction yet. After age 12 I was very confused because when I started masturbating regularly, my thoughts often shifted from the sexy girls flashing on my computer screen to thinking about if my other guy friends masturbated, what they looked like, etc.

At the time I refused to acknowledge that I might be gay simply because of the stigma attached to it. At the same time, I was feeling strong sexual attraction to girls as well, so I thought it was just a phase. Well, three years later Middle school ended and the phase wasn't over. By this time however I was well aware of what bisexuality was. In my community it isn't widely accepted or considered normal, so I am still closeted and struggling to satisfy my gay side while still staying in Coventry mode.

I don't think I could be in a relationship with a guy even if I wanted to because of the social stigma attached. Most of my sexual experiences have been with curious straight guys. It was great, but I knew it was fleeting. I think there may be more guys like me at my highschool, but it is hard if not impossible to tell because nobody wants to be 'discovered'. Its a very lame situation.

[daveywavey]

yep its tough as hell being the way we are, for a long time i was generally upset for being born like this, but ive come to accept it and love it

[Severus Snape]

Plus, I'm 50% more likely to find someone to have sex with :D

[alex95]

i have a friend name peterson, garnel and ,tammark and i noticed when im around them i feel so happy they make my heart pound and now that u just make this post i noticed this is the exact way i feel arond all of them but i just cant do it im not gay. or bi.... I dont have it in me i just feel theres something wrong about it dude but take your chance man my friends arent gay they hate gays... Yeah so... I dont even have thoughts about trying lol but i dont think i would anyway

[Severus Snape]

Well, you can't control your sexuality no matter how hard you try. If you think about having sex with them or stuff like that, you might be curious or just flat out bi. ;)

[MichaelAdams1993]

I am in the same situation right now. Except it's so complicated its not even funny.

[daveywavey]

i have a friend name peterson, garnel and ,tammark and i noticed when im around them i feel so happy they make my heart pound and now that u just make this post i noticed this is the exact way i feel arond all of them but i just cant do it im not gay. or bi.... I dont have it in me i just feel theres something wrong about it dude but take your chance man my friends arent gay they hate gays... Yeah so... I dont even have thoughts about trying lol but i dont think i would anyway


hmm oddly enough i kind of took offense to what you said about there being something wrong with it, i know i shouldnt but, i can't help the way i was born dude, i wish i could.... as for your friends hating gays, blind hate is just dumb, they just hate them cuz its the cool thing to do, guess u will have to wait till ur in college lol

[keitearoha]

I barely started liking a guy. Then fell in love. I have a hard time excepting that I am bi. Ugh it hurts to think about someone I could never be with. Help Me

[daveywavey]

i know how it feels keit, your welcome to private message me if u wanna talk, im always on :D

[tyler27846]

I barely started liking a guy. Then fell in love. I have a hard time excepting that I am bi. Ugh it hurts to think about someone I could never be with. Help Me

i know exactly how you feel

[that kid]

It's kind of ironic that my name is David and I have a best friend named Adam but that's not who I'm talking about. My friend Miguel is a really good guy. He's always nice, funny, and is always able to talk to me and I think I fell for him. So I'm with you guys.