My head is swirling.....

[Jagador]

Today, i woke at like 12 in the afternoon. Day was going smooth as i was on my computer. Never went outside. My mom came into my room and asked me to go with her to a nursery and to a friends house to drop off some stuff. I had to go because if i didn't, my dad would think shes fucking other men which she isn't. I seriously think my dad is all screwy.

NOTE: Sorry if i have bad language in here, im just really pissed. Remembering this all is making me emotional, and angry. Also, quotes are the speech parts, and is exactly the same as what we said, i recorded it all on my phone. except the thoughts in my head, which are clearly stated. Also, i just want to get this off my chest, so don't be posting advise, i already got some from VT's helpful staff and counselors...

So i got ready and all, and called to my mom to lets go. The moment i open the front door, he asks me where i am going in a stern voice. Like i did something wrong. I told him i was going with mom. My mom comes in, he asks her same question, and she told him to a friends house. He's all "Why? i want his ass grounded" At this point my head was screaming "YOU MOTHER FUCKER! I DIDN'T DO SHIT!"

My mom asked him why, and he said - normal tone- ""NO ONE did dishes last night"" "Unless your going to school or working, someone has to do dishes" I said at this point "I am going to school, and im looking for a job." My dad got angry. "NOT ON WEEKENDS YOU AREN'T!!!" At this point i thinking - Seriously? just because no one did dishes, i get in trouble and no one else does? what kind of bull crap is that??-

The moment he said that, i lowered my eyes and stared at him. He gets super pissed. "DON'T GIVE ME THAT STUPID LOOK!!" "I'LL BE ALL OVER YOUR FUCKEN ASS THE NEXT TIME YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK!"

I walked out the moment he said that and i seriously said "Go die in a pit" out loud. He didn't budge when i said that, he sat there watching his TV. So I'm in the car with my mom, i'm texting my friends what happened, balling my eyes out, and getting a massive headache. I complained to my mom in a raised to a yelling tone, made good points, and everything. She couldn't say or do anything, only thing she said is "I know how you feel"

-My thoughts- Seriously, how unfair is this ass. He doesn't give a crap about anyone in his life except himself!!! He didn't about what happened to me in april (Too personal, if your desperately want to know, PM me, ill say whether or not ill tell.) He only cares about freaking grades!! GRADES GRADES GRADES!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! It makes me want to take someone's gun and shoot him!!! Sigh My life sucks...

Right now, im doing ok. Nothing is happening....yet... All i know is that the next time he even lays a finger on me. I'm calling the cops and reporting 12 years of abuse from my father. He pulled the last string for me today. I won't give him anymore lives (chances).

And if i was suppose to put this in my blog, sorry that i didn't. I just needed people to know whats happened today. Was a first in a blue moon.

[RaeNose]

Lo siento.
I hope you're feeling better.
Dads are... like that. A lot of them are. They never say they love you, you know that they secretly do... but there's nothing there on the surface. Only that harshness that they use to isolate you because they always think you can do better. They never talk about siblings with grades. Just you.
The hitting isn't something that one enjoys either. Parents shouldn't hit their children, or at least, no the way some do. They shouldn't throw your shoes at your head when you leave them out. You shouldn't be able to feel a bruise on your head from where his ring hit your cranium.
Like Circa Survive says, "Move one inch at a time, and don't make shit rhyme. Just keep treading water and you'll be just fine."
I really do hope you feel better.
If you have to report him for abuse, that's your call. Just remember that he is your father. We can't pick our family. That's what we have friends for.
*Written solemnly.*