Was i abused!?

[yorkie]

Now ive read through a few posts and realised something worrying...i think:

Right, i love my dad just as much as any normal person, and i consider myself a normal person with a normal life (no freaky shit basically) but when i first watchef porn my dad found me on it (i was like 16, only just able to cum) while i was just basically staring at it.
My dad sat next to me and said "do you know whats happening?" 'obv.', then said "do you want to wank?" i had honestly nvr done it before and was really nervous so i said yes.
So i got out my dick and it was already bulging and then my dad got out his and startin wanking! I thort it was okay so i didit as well then he grabbed mine and did it so much better than me...i soon came and we nvr spoke of the matter again.

I assumed it was a natural normsl thing for him to show me how to do this but niw im not too sure.

P. S. Until recently i have led a fairly sheltred home-schooled life so sorry if im dense

[trouble]

I don't think you got abused, but I do think it's a little wierd that your dad wanked you.

[yorkie]

Okay well im glad to know i wasnt abused but is it really wierd for this to happen? I just assumed it was natural but just not very common

[IAMWILL]

Puberty For Boys :arrow: Abuse

That is extremely weird, morally wrong, and I'm pretty sure illegal. I have no idea why in your fathers right mind he would do that, and I'm having a hard time believing this, although you seem serious about it.

This really should never happen to anyone.

[tripolar]

I don't think you got abused, but I do think it's a little wierd that your dad wanked you.

Agreed, if you told him to stop and he did it anyway then it is abuse.

That is messed up though.

[yorkie]

Really thanks guys but a feel bad and guilty and well dirty... What do i do? Where do i go from here?

[tripolar]

Really thanks guys but a feel bad and guilty and well dirty... What do i do? Where do i go from here?

If you feel bad and guilty don't do it again. If it really bothers you, talk to your dad about it and then he will know how you feel about what happened.

[chazzrox2]

I jus dont think its rite he jus tossed u off like dat u shud confront him if it makes u feel bad dude

[yorkie]

The thing is i cant confront him (and for reasons i wont, dont want to go into). I dont think i can just make peace with it. It just feels as of a part of me has been taken away, my first experience like this and it turns out to be something wrong... And by domeone i loved...

[tripolar]

The thing is i cant confront him (and for reasons i wont, dont want to go into). I dont think i can just make peace with it. It just feels as of a part of me has been taken away, my first experience like this and it turns out to be something wrong... And by domeone i loved...

It would be hard to talk about something like that it's understandable. You can try to talk to someone else that you trust and see if you can sort it all out, or you can give it time and see if you can get over that.

[Waka]

If a friend showed you how to do it, it would be pretty normal. It's very strange for a parent to do this, but if you and your dad are like...best friends, or completely open with eachother, then I can see how this can happen. It's unusual for a parent and a child to be completely open about sexuality.
Weather or not this was sexual abuse depends on afew things; weather you view your dad as an authority figure or a friend. If it's the latter, then chances are he was just trying to help you, not start anything sexual between you. The fact you were watching porn is crucially important; the porn was the sexual focus for both of you, not eachother. The fact he asked you if you wanted to means that he put you in control of the situation, he wasn't making sexual advances or forcing anything. If you're relationship with your dad is more like two guy friends, I'd not think too much of this.
However, this should not be happening. I hope it was a one-off. I can sort of be understanding of a dad wanting to show his son the best thing about being a guy and not condemn him as a paedo, but if there was any other sexual contact between you after that, it's a serious problem.

If a parent walks in on a kid watching porn or wanking, he has 3 choices;
*Tell the kid off. This is likely to make the kid ashamed of sexuality, and feel guilty every time.
*Turn around and walk out. Probably the most common approach, but is embarrasing and again, makes the kid feel guilty or ashamed.
*Talk to them supportively about it or even join in. A rare approach, and with good reason. This skirts the fine line between good parenting and paedophilia. If a kid is subject to this, it's likely to be embarrassing and could make them even more confused about boundaries and sexuality.

Personally, I'd say all three techniques are damaging. It's a no-win situation. That's why its so important for kids, even in the most supportive families, not to be caught; whichever way their parents react is going to cause trauma.

[Sapphire]

I know it will be hard, but don't feel guilty about this. It wasn't your fault it happened and it doesn't make you bad or dirty.

It was wrong of him to do that and yes, it is sexual abuse.

Where you go from here is up to you really.
There are organisations that can help you deal with any issues that have arisen from this. Survivors UK is the one I'm thinking of and it is purely for males. They also have
And of course we can support you with any thoughts and feelings you experience too.

[Giles]

I wouldnt call it abuse, unless you asked him to stop... A bit odd though.

[Monoxide]

This is really Weird.

a questions for you..

Has he ever tried to touch you inappropiatly?

[Shalom]

I think at your age, you should have been able to determine that is really weird. You should probably seek professional help, even though it may not seem like a problem it clearly is if its still affecting you. Considering your profile says you are now 19. Yeah I would suggest getting some help, he should have never done that to you.

[RenamedUser]

Aye, matey, judging by the description of the circumstances ye be givin', 't ain't abuse as far as I be concerned. 'tis disturbing, though...

[alex95]

i do think it is wrong but at least your dad is cool with it :d

[Sapphire]

Ok, the terms "duty of care" and "position of trust" spring to mind.
Doesn't it to anyone else...

[luvthissite]

i would say this is very odd, and not normal. a dad should never be touching his son's cock in a sexual way (wanking you off), that is just plain wrong.

my advice, it was a one time thing, just try and forget about it, and as long as it does not happen again, it is nothing to be worried about.

[karl]

if you're so unsure that you've had to ask, then it was wrong

[Billy15]

Jimmi, to me it is very unusual and if my dad did something like that I would freak. I always thought that abuse was like forcing someone but for a dad to do something like that with his son, just seems scary to me. I can understand why you feel like you are in an awkward situation because I would to, big time.

[Ghoti]

Uh not abuse but incest lol

[Quick_Sylver]

Scary, overstepping boundaries imho. That just seems...wrong to me. Talk to someone about it most definitely.

[BlackBetty]

I don't think it is wrong... Maybe its just me.......... He might have wanted to show his son something that will stay with him forever one last time before he learns it from someone else. :)

[Sapphire]

I don't think it is wrong... Maybe its just me.......... He might have wanted to show his son something that will stay with him forever one last time before he learns it from someone else. :)
That is a seriously messed up way of thinking...