Here i go again

[murderousflower]

So, I'd gone 90 days without cutting. All summer, and some time after school started. I thought i was doing pretty well, but I also knew that everything i'd ignored was going to come up soon. After keeping almost everything inside, i just had to cut. My friends had been closer than ever this summer, specifically my best friend. But i hated people knowing me too well. So here i am again, drifting away from everyone, and i've started cutting again. Its only been twice in the past week. I'm trying not to do it too often, so I won't get addicted again, but I know that i can't avoid the addiction. I'll simply stop before it gets too bad. I think i like it better this way. My two best friends are making new friends, and ignoring me anyways. So we'd eventually have grown apart. My school work is high grades, no worries. I just need a quick fix every once in a while. The pressure to succeed is overwhelming, and I just want to make my parents and family proud.

yet...i know i have a problem.

[RaeNose]

90 days. That's amazing. :)
My advice, which is probably going to sound really suckish but it's something that keeps popping in my head right now, is to keep fighting. Like you're running through life and all of a sudden, you get a cramp. It really hurts, and you want to nurse it back to your current condition, but there's a better solution. You take it head on and you keep running. In fact, you're supposed to run harder in order to get over that cramp sooner. You'll end up coming out on top and healthier than you have been previously. Just keep running the race.

[Random Stranger]

You went 90 days, I would call that rather impressive.

If you just need a quick fix, then I found that the ice trick works well, were you hold a piece of ice on your arm (Or where ever you would normaly cut) untill it hurts, and then some. I know, we have all heard it before, and I will be the first to admit I didn't think very much of it myself at first, but I decided it was worth a try for my quick fix. Hold it a while and you realy can feel a sting, and the drops of water going down your arm felt enough like blood for me.

I know, we have all read through list of things people do and think "There is no way that would help me!", so why not atleast prove it and give it a try, because you just might get the fix you crave.

[Hanabanana]

I totally agree with the above. Ice is a great way to get a similar fix pain wise, and without scarring. you're doing so well, keep battling on and don't let these relapses get you down either, remember that you've gone an entire 90 days which is a huge achievement and it's hard to stop completely but keep at it.
Also perhaps find a distraction, exercise-kick boxing. Or even when you feel the need to cut take yourelf away somewhere, go for a walk and just try to clear your mind one thing at a time x

[dstnyisurs]

If you put your heart and soul into the Wii Sports Boxing, it gets you pumped and you feel oddly satisfied by beating up that silly little Wii-person. mehehe.
90 days is amazing. -claps- Congratulations! Love, you may be seeing the illusion of happiness and contentment, but it really isn't good. You need to at least try to stop - that's my advice. There are tons of other substitutes that are healthy that give you a disctraction and release. Exercise, reading, writing, drawing, arcade games, video games, so on. I'm here if you need it. (:

[murderousflower]

thanks guys. i might try some of that. i got really scared last night. My friend cut too deep and had to get stitches. I don't ever want to get that bad. I don't think i can even cut again. I was so freaked out.

I've been playing guitar to help with urges. I'm teaching myself. And it usually works, until my parents take it away because i should be doing homework or something. bleh.

thanks again. :)

[RaeNose]

Learning guitar, that's awesome.
Great idea. :)
I'm glad you could learn something to keep your mind off of it. (I still have to learn to play Yellow on the piano. lol)