I'm not alone... am I?

[StrawberryCyanide]

Hey there,
This is my first post, and i need some reassurance, facts or advice, i think.
I've been self injuring since i was 11, i am now 16.
Over the years, my habbits have become more dangerous and progressed into more of an issue, as i'm sure is the nartual pattern of SI.

For a little over a year now, i have had to count how many cuts i make each night.
it started off as 10 every two days.
then 5 every day.
then 10 every day,
then 20 every day, this is where i am currently.

in the summer, my boyfriend came to stay with me for quite a while, and i only cut twice in that time.
it was incredibly difficult for me to stay sane with that little amount of self harm.
i found myself counting 20 each day i didnt cut, ending up with 340 cuts i feel i need to make up for. this has happened before, but only like a couple of days or a week or something.

i'm back to making 20 cuts each day, and plan to do all 340 on a day i dont have college and can be alone.

am i the only one who counts like this??
i've never heard of people doing this, so could anyone just tell me their opinions?

Thanks to everyone :)

[antimonic]

Of course your not alone, millions of people self inflict every day - but that doesnt make it a good thing.

The counting is also somethig i dont think is uncommon, but seriously start considering speaking to a counsellor or a teacher. 20 cuts a day is not healthy in the slightest and the therapist can help you develop new ways of coping with the stress causing you to self harm (that is, if you dont do it out of enjoyment).

[Hanabanana]

yeah I agree with antimonic, please talk to someone even if it's a friend or someone you can trust to start with, maybe get them to go with you to a therapist. Honestly I hate the idea of seeing someone about it, but just talking and beginning to understand my behaviour helped. I used to count when I was harming a lot, 23 one tim 10 the next, almost like goals but seriously 340 is a lot for anyone to handle please think about it xxx

[DecemberRain]

your not alone. i used to count how many and how often i cut when i used to self harm. I agree with the above that you should try talking to someone you can trust.

[Hanabanana]

Also I'm new to this forum too and I'm seriously trying to stop I've been nearly 3 weeks since my last relapse but it keeps getting harder, it comes in waves the need to hurt myself, does anyone know what can help? x

[DecemberRain]

Also I'm new to this forum too and I'm seriously trying to stop I've been nearly 3 weeks since my last relapse but it keeps getting harder, it comes in waves the need to hurt myself, does anyone know what can help? x

I still get the urge to but when i feel like it i talk to my bf. and he helps keep me. maybe talk to a friend or someone like that that could keep your mind of it? i know it helps me. if you ever wanna pm or im me feel free to.

[Random Stranger]

I used to count, but I found that if I did miss a day because I was sleeping over at a freinds place or something I felt depressed the next day for not keeping up the numbers. It wasn't easy, but I managed to stop counting, and found myself cutting less for it.

[Hanabanana]

Thanks Hcm, yeah I think I need to tell my bf more about it he's being so great but I can't help thinking it's probably hard for him to hear it all. I'll tell him when I do feel crap and not just pretend I'm fine most of the time :) thanks again x

[Triceratops]

Over the years, it seems you've developed some bad habits with self-injury. Leading you to be quite obsessive and compulsive about them.

Answering your question, you are most definitely not alone. There are plenty of self-harmers who undergo similar patterns to you. We all understand what it can be like and we are here to offer as much help and support as we can. :)

Are you currently seeking therapy, by the way?

Also I'm new to this forum too and I'm seriously trying to stop I've been nearly 3 weeks since my last relapse but it keeps getting harder, it comes in waves the need to hurt myself, does anyone know what can help? x

Please do not hijack threads. If you want to ask a question then create a new thread in the allocated forum.

[StrawberryCyanide]

Over the years, it seems you've developed some bad habits with self-injury. Leading you to be quite obsessive and compulsive about them.

Answering your question, you are most definitely not alone. There are plenty of self-harmers who undergo similar patterns to you. We all understand what it can be like and we are here to offer as much help and support as we can. :)

Are you currently seeking therapy, by the way?

Thank you for understanding and thank you for your help :)
Last year i saw a councellor at my high school for about 6 months, she was very supportive and helpful. She also told me that if i am comfortable with it, she recommends i spend a few weeks at the local psychiatric hospital, would this be a good idea?? I havn't had councelling since then because i'm afraid of getting a new councellor (i'm in college now) Thanks again. x

[StrawberryCyanide]

Also I'm new to this forum too and I'm seriously trying to stop I've been nearly 3 weeks since my last relapse but it keeps getting harder, it comes in waves the need to hurt myself, does anyone know what can help? x

Don't worry and stay strong, keep relaxed. Also if you post a thread of your own instead of commenting on other threads about different issues, more people will see it and reply to you. good luck x

[chelsay13]

Welcome to the fourm :)
and You are NOT alone. Like the others said, there are millions of people who self-harm, Including everyone in the "cutting and self harm" area.

I'd also like to suggest talking to someone. Therapy isn't for everyone, but maybe you should try it out. You can pm me anytime if you need to talk ;)

[jacknife]

20 cuts a day?! Wow. That takes some serious strength on your part!

Let me ask, do you want to stop cutting?

[StrawberryCyanide]

20 cuts a day?! Wow. That takes some serious strength on your part!

Let me ask, do you want to stop cutting?

A while ago i was very determined to stop, but recently things have seemed to get so much worse and to be honest, all i want is to punish myself. i feel like SI is all i deserve, i don't deserve the few friends i have and i don't deserve a nomral life.
i do want to stop, but there's always a voice in the back of my head telling me to keep going.

[Hanabanana]

Yeah, try just to slow down a bit and think what you think would be best for you, you may not stop teh first time trying to quit but quitting is possible. When I first decided to stop I hated it I felt like an addict with withdrawel I can't lie to say it was all dandy cause it isn't, you have to take a huge part fo your life away and it's scary along with other things. Get someone to help you set targets for not if you do want to quit and you'l need pleanty of support, confide in someone you trust completely,
It gets easier with time, but try to go over the things that are the problem with someone so you can get them off your chest (how cheesy lols) but seriously it may not seem to help but it'll help you get over or come to terms to things that've happened to you or that you are stressed about,

[Teardrop Harmony]

hey, 20 a day is a large number, maybe not a large as my 35 a day, i used to cut like that a year ago, and i know the trouble that goes through your head, a small tip, tell the person closest to you, and explain your emotions and let someone in, i had trouble doing this because i left it way too late, i used to selfharm and a few times i took it to suicide atempts, but i knew it had to stop, so i told my best friend. Never think you are alone ther are so many poeple out there just like you and they understand, going it all alone makes it worse. the thing that got me to stop is when i got with my boyfriend and i told him, and told me that what ever i do to my body he is doing to his as well, this made me feels so bad the first time i did it he did to, and seeing him cry after i left the room made me relise that he is being strong for me and that i can be strong to, so i stopped, but i got to much and i started again and he did it too, so i have now got to one every time i feel like i really need help and then he will just help me back on my feet, please if ever you need to talk to let your emotions out, find that one you can trust and just say what you have to say.
hope you know now that you are never alone,
hope all goes well for you
Teardrop Harmony x :)

never think you dnt deserve what you have everyone has these things in life for a reason and yours is more than likely because you are a good person, the only thing is that you just need to see the you that is inside and let her shine
*Please use the edit function instead of posting twice in quick succession, thank you! ~Kaleidoscope Eyes*

[hotttz]

:cool:soo many mine looks lik a big star (with arms i cant count)! I dont know why you do i for no resson, in my opinion you gotta have a resson

[dantheman5000]

hi i like to cut like that to for some strange reason it calms me down. but you must learn to control it. if you don't it will lead to your self destuction trust me i know my very best friend love to cut just like me but she got to out of control with it and it killed her. i have learned to control it but it takes time and willingness
so please write back and tell how your doing :)