Well I'm all out of options, any advice?

[Random Stranger]

:)Hi folks.
Well, I think all in all I could of gone about this in a better way. I was cutting myself (Before you jump in, no, not 'punishing' myself, just allowing myself to elax a little, a bit of me time, so I can more easly sleep at night) but for some crazy, out of my mind reason, in a moment of weakness, I told a freind. She was realy worryed about me, I was realy worryed she would tell somebody else who wouldn't take it as well as she had. I have dark brown hair, not black, and I don't think I would do well if I had to put up with the 'emo' tag. I made her promice she wouldn't tell a soul, she made me promice I wouldn't cut again.


So three weeks later, and as far as I know both of us havn't broken any rules yet. I think three weeks cold turkey without any sort of wind down is doing alright just personaly. Now here is the problem, I'm falling apart here! :) No longer can I relax, and I find myself laughing when all I want in the world is to cry. I can't realy say anything to my freind, because she will think I'm to weak to hold out, and tell somebody anyway, so I'm stuck here with my razor blade, unable to cut and feel normal again, while she holds my social life as hostage.

I remember calling her once because I just realy wanted to talk. When she picked up the phone she sounded busy, so I asked her if she had time to talk, to wich she responded she had plenty, so when I said I just wanted to talk she said that if that was the case, she was realy getting ready to go out, and maybe we could talk later (We never did:)). So she lied because she cared about me, and I'm the selfish one who should of just kept saying everything was fine whenever she asked, so then she wouldn't worry about me.

[Project Delta]

well to be honest some promises were meant to be broken. I know how it feels to go cold turkey. I went 25 days then relapsed and now i've gone 11 weeks. So trust me a little slip up is okay but so long as you dont fall down deep into the rabbit hole. Being able to keep it moderate and secure is a major part of recovering! Trust me. And hey your just a human. Humans slip up and make mistakes. The best thing you can have is the ability to actually learn from your mistakes and make yourself better! :)

Try going to see a counsellor, They will be glad to listen to you. Trust me, they can give you lots and lots of advice! ANd they will be an ear to listen. They will not judge as if they do their job is at risk and thye will WANT to help you!

So try and see a counsellor. Good luck

Aaron <3

[Random Stranger]

Well you and I may beleve its ok once in a while, just so I don't go into a break down here, but neither of us are the ones who would tell anybody else. I have tried asking for a day off, but didn't get a very positive reaction.

Yes, she does ask to check my arm.

As for talking to a counsellor, been there, tried that. First thing I did when I got home was pull out my razor blade and look at it, while telling myself why I couldn't, but wanting nothing more then to. That was the hardest point so far, and I would rather not go through it again. It wasn't anything to do with the guy I had, he was a nice man and I liked him, but having to talk to somebody that I don't know realy well felt aweful.

I think about telling other freinds. I dream out these conversations in my head, and there always so understanding and say exactly the right thing, but I know if I did tell them, it would never work out like that.

[Project Delta]

This is understandable. How about this, you can come talk to me if you've got msn? but first we will just talk about general stuff.. ?

[email protected] is my msn there ya go :)

[Random Stranger]

Used to have MSN, hardly ever used it, so when my computer crashed and burnt, requiring me to format it, I never realy got around to reinstalling it. Its funny that talking to him felt unvomfortable, while talking to a wall of text, even when I know somebody is behind it, is better.


Could be because in the time since I talked to a pro about it, I've become more desperate for a light at the end of the tunnel, and so my need to talk has become greater then my need to avoid myself. Or it could have to do with the fact that when I read your words I fill in the face and voice in my own head, and its says everything in the exact way I think I need to hear it.

[Ortizitthisone]

It's not good to 'feel normal' when you cut. The reason for this is, because, simply put, it's not normal. It's not healthy. You don't need me to tell you that. You already know. You also already know how difficult it is to break this habit when you've been conditioned so much to do it whenever you feel depressed (or sad, or lonely, or angry, or whatever your triggers may be).

It's not about fighting through it by yourself, it's not about stopping 'cold turkey.' It's about changing the way you think. It's about reconditioning your reactions to the world around you. You don't have to do this alone. There are people that care about you, and that want to help. Trying to quit cold turkey is probably the most difficult way to do it. You owe it to yourself to continue trying to get help.

I encourage you to call 1-800-448-3000. It's a teen helpline. They have trained counselors that will always listen to you. It's a free, 24/7 hotline. They helped me and they can help you too. Hope this helps!
--Jim

[Random Stranger]

Its easy to say that this is about changing the way I think, but that is not so easy. So far I have gone a while here and it seems I have lost the abilty to be in a good mood at all. So I'm looking here desperatly for any solution that will allow me to relax a little, because right now my only choise is to either hold out like this, feeling worse with each passing day, or go back to cutting untill everybody finds out. Neither option seems attractive right now. Got a third?

[Ortizitthisone]

It's not easy. There is no easy way out. If you hold out like this, feeling worse every day, that's certainly not easy. If you cut, you're hurting yourself more, both physically and emotionally. That's not easy.

The third option may even be the hardest one. But it's the best one for you in the long run. Changing the way you think isn't easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. It has to be your decision to pull yourself out of this. Remember that you are a good person, and you have the right to be happy. Cutting is something you do, it isn't who you are. But if you change your habits, you change yourself. Trust me, I know it's not easy. It very well could be the hardest thing you ever do. But you have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get yourself out of this.

But you don't have to do it alone! There are so many support groups out there (like this one!) that are here to help you. You have to understand that you are not alone, that there are countless other people just like you, waiting to get help.

There are professionals out there that can help you. That phone number I put up in my previous post is a legitimate number, and it's a great one to call. Sometimes it can surprise you how good it feels just to tell someone your problems out loud.

Just remember that you are not alone in this. You have a right to be happy, you have a right to live the way you want to. And trust me, this is not how you want to live.

Hope this helps. PM me anytime you want to.

[Random Stranger]

Yes, I have heard it before, and I know I will hear it a million times again, I'm not alone. I know this fact, I know that there are people out there, and its hard to explain why, but I realy don't like to use them. No, its not that I want to be the tough guy who dosn't need anybody in he's life, far from it, but rather people who are trying to help always start by asking questions, and I never know the answer. I don't know why, and I hate being able to not explain myself.

I hae done my best to go this long without cutting, what else can I do? I make an effort to feel a part of it, to join in. I always go along smiling, but its always just skin deep. It dosn't matter how hard I try, I don't feel connected, just like I'm watching everything pass by day by day without ever making an impact. I want to feel like a human, and there is only one way I can do that. People say it isn't healthy, but them I'm laft asking, do they mean for body and mind? It seems more and more that it dosn't realy matter to anybody else how I feel, as long as I look the part. No cuts on arms, a walm smile, first hand up and nothing else realy matters. I go without cutting and it could be veiwed as getting better, yet I feel so much worse.

On the note of going this long though, sorry to say but I gave in today after school. Nothing very deep, a lot of small cuts and some medium ones, as I'm not used to the feel of it, but still, for the cuts I did make, I feel so much better about everything, that maybe things arn't so bad. I think I'm going to be able to sleep well tonight, because I havn't in a while now.

[NeverLetGo]

Yes, I have heard it before, and I know I will hear it a million times again, I'm not alone. I know this fact, I know that there are people out there, and its hard to explain why, but I realy don't like to use them. No, its not that I want to be the tough guy who dosn't need anybody in he's life, far from it, but rather people who are trying to help always start by asking questions, and I never know the answer. I don't know why, and I hate being able to not explain myself.

I hae done my best to go this long without cutting, what else can I do? I make an effort to feel a part of it, to join in. I always go along smiling, but its always just skin deep. It dosn't matter how hard I try, I don't feel connected, just like I'm watching everything pass by day by day without ever making an impact. I want to feel like a human, and there is only one way I can do that. People say it isn't healthy, but them I'm laft asking, do they mean for body and mind? It seems more and more that it dosn't realy matter to anybody else how I feel, as long as I look the part. No cuts on arms, a walm smile, first hand up and nothing else realy matters. I go without cutting and it could be veiwed as getting better, yet I feel so much worse.

On the note of going this long though, sorry to say but I gave in today after school. Nothing very deep, a lot of small cuts and some medium ones, as I'm not used to the feel of it, but still, for the cuts I did make, I feel so much better about everything, that maybe things arn't so bad. I think I'm going to be able to sleep well tonight, because I havn't in a while now.

I'm not being rude, just offering constructive criticism. All of the ideas are great here that others have posted... However, you seem to find a loophole in every single one. Almost as if you don't want advice, just to vent. Having a slipup here and there is fine, so long as you don't make it a habit again... Stay strong and try using the advice given even if you are reluctant.

[Random Stranger]

I'm sorry....
I'm tempted to say that I've just always looked for loopholes in everything, long beore I started cutting, but that would be looking for a lookhole wouldn't it? :)

Look, I'm in my last year of school, trying hard to studie and get good marks on every test they throw at me. I asked a teacher today if he would try to stop a student from smoking during this time, and he almost responded in shock. "No way!', he said, "Smoking is hard enough to give up, trying it now would be crazy!". Fact of the matter is that I need to be able to focus in school and during exams, and when I'm trying to quit that becomes almost impossable.

I will stop, but give me a few months to finsh school, so I can end with a nice mark and move on with my life, rather then finding myself with an aweful score and crashing again.

[Ortizitthisone]

The important thing to realize here is that people are going to find out. Eventually, someone is going to see something and say something. But that's a good thing! The sooner someone close to you knows about this, the sooner you will be able to fix it. It's not going to be easy, it's just going to be worth it.

[Random Stranger]

Well, school day after cutting for the first time in a long while, and I feel great. Today has been the best day I have had in a while! Its hard to beleve the huge effect that just a few small cuts can make, but suddenly like looks like a lot better place. I can't beleve just how long I have gone without feeling this great!

If self harm is a sickness, this is the walmest, most fuzzy feeling sickness I have ever caught.

[Random Stranger]

Well, with any luck this will be the last time I will ever need to post on these forums, so I would very much like to thank you all, you realy have helped me. I know it seems like I blocked everything any of you said, and looked for a reason out of your advice, but I did take every word to heart, it is sort of just my way to look for reasons why not. I'm the kind of person who will complain about taking the garbage out, but will do it anyway. :)

So normaly after two days it would be on my mind again, but its been two days and the only reason I even thought of it was because I noticed this page bookmarked while going through my webcomics. The feeling of content has lasted longer then normal, and I think I can guess why. After so long without it, the few cuts I made had a much larger effect then normal, so that would mean the longer I can go without, the longer I'll feel better once I do.

I think I finaly found my motivation to not cut, and that has be to a good thing, right?

[Ortizitthisone]

I'm happy to hear that you are motivated! As hard as it will be to stop completely, I can promise you that it will be completely worth it.

I just have to make one suggestion: make sure that your reason for stopping is not because of how good it will feel the next time you do.