I messed up

[Littleman]

(if you wish, listen to this song while you read, it is another way of discribing how i feel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4)

:( OK, so, back again, some of you remember the girl who i like, she tried to kill herself, and so on, well, i made a hudge mistake. I gave her a teddy bear the other day, she txted me and said she wasnt comforable keeping it, i went nuts, i had so many emotions rushing though my head at once, i didnt know what to do, and some how, i pressured her, and took her on a guilt trip, made her feel uncomfortable, and i didnt relize what i was doing :eek:, The dean said im not allowed to talk to her anymore, she got her phone taken away, but i made a deal with the dean if i deleted her number off my phone, she would get hers back, so she did. Now i feel like a complete and total asshole, for treating her like that, she didnt deserve it, and im going on an emotional rollercoaster ride to hell, i want to say im sorry, but the dean wont let me. Im on homeleave right now, and well, my emotions took over, and i cut myself again, 5 or 6 times, deeper then usally. its bleeding right now, i want to kill myself for what i did to her, i love her, and promissed i would never hurt her. I dont know what to do. I havent talked to her in almost 2 weeks, the entire reason i stopped cutting was becuase of her, she was my happiness, whenever i was sad, she would cheer me up, and i leaned on her for emotional support, she is one hell of a girl, but now i havent said a single word to her in almost 2 weeks. I have been having night mears, i have been tortured in all most all of them, and killed. I think i have even had one while i was awake, seeing dark shadows near the windows in school, I have been so emotionally upset, it has effected me physically, i have a horrible cold that isnt getting better, and now the entire school is getting sick, becuase of me being emotionally upset and getting sick, i want to kill myself. I have collasped on my dorm room floor twice and just bursted into tears. Im going though withdraw, nothing makes sense anymore, i cant get my homework done, i nearly turned on a few of my guy friends in the dorm the other night, i can hardly sleep due to the fact of nightmears, this is all very scary and emotionally tramatizing. I just want to die now, i dont know what to do

[BuryYourFlame]

Moving to Family and Friends.

[Littleman]

Moving to Family and Friends.

as you wish, thought i would put it in self harm area due to the fact im bleeding, also, am i aloud to post pictures of my cuts?

[Darkness]

You're pretty much messed up. You should tell the dean how you feel, get him to tell her and she can judge to call you again.
No you're not alowed pics, against fourm rules.

[Littleman]

You're pretty much messed up. You should tell the dean how you feel, get him to tell her and she can judge to call you again.
No you're not alowed pics, against fourm rules.

He wont listen to me, he just says let it drop, 1000 fish in the sea, blah blah blah, he doesnt understand, he thinks i might try and hurt her, i would never do such a thing, intentionally.

[Darkness]

Well I'd punch him, but you might not want to do that. Screw him, what does he know other than what his PHD is in? Let the bugger go hang, just bump into the girl sometime.

[Littleman]

Well I'd punch him, but you might not want to do that. Screw him, what does he know other than what his PHD is in? Let the bugger go hang, just bump into the girl sometime.

I see her all the time, shes in all my classes, but i cant talk to her unless she talks to me first :mad: I feel horrible every time she looks at me, just becuase i know what i did, and i am not allowed to fix it damit

[Jagador]

If it was me, i wouldn't listen to the Dean of the school and approach her and talk to her. If she tries to stop her, i'd raise my tone at her and complain that i can't even apologize for what i did, and tell her how i felt. If she doesn't want to listen, then if possible, have your parent aid you. I for one know how you feel, but i never got a dean on my butt. I had her friend around me like a hawk, but i managed to get by the guard because of my voice. I literally had to yell at her and push my way through. Not that i suggest you doing this, but yea. um.. idk what to say about the dean right now, Deans can be nice and bitchy. unfortunately, you got the bitchy one. An idea is to write her mail if possible. She can't stop you from mailing letters to her. She may throw them away upon recieving them, but i would keep resending them, or keep leaving them at her front door.

[Littleman]

The only problem is, this is a boarding school, so they are strick, if i mess up, i could get in alot of trouble, and possibly kicked out

[MadManWithaBox]

you screwed up mate. and while i agree with everyone else you need to talk to her, these kind of situations also require delicate handling. bu that i mean if you send her too many letter, or say, wait for her outside her room, or follow her and make her talk to you, that would most proabbly make things worst, as this dean is gonna acuse you of harrasment, and possibly expel you from college cos he'll consider you a threat to people, or she might go for something like a restraining order if she feels that threatened. Don't send more than a few week is my advice, maybe 2. maybe get a mutual friend to carry over a message. I'm saying this from experience, be careful, and good luck

[Jagador]

The only problem is, this is a boarding school, so they are strick, if i mess up, i could get in alot of trouble, and possibly kicked out

Write her letter through mail, or write letters and stick it on her front door where the family or her will notice it, it is something i would do, but its up to you.

[Darkness]

Tell your pearents becuase I don't think he can do this.

[Littleman]

Tell your pearents becuase I don't think he can do this.

The only problem is, when we were txting that night when i messed up, i said "This is probably the worst time for this, im holding a hudge knife, but im gonna just put it down. its probably best for the both of us" What i ment by that is, i was about to cut/kill myself, and if she knew i did, she would too, and now the dean knows i cut, and if i tell my parents about the whole thing, they find out i cut too, and i cant have that happening.. (the knife was in the kitchen, i work in the cafe)

Also, its highschool, not college, im a freshmen :yes: 9th grade. 15 years old, just turned 15 on the 27th, the day after this all happened (when i messed up)

[Darkness]

You really weren't good to this girl were you...
Well your folks'll find out sometime, I'd just talk to her, or try and tell this bastard that I'm going too and to hell with him.
Do you have anyone who might ask the dean to let you talk to her?

EDIT: Maybe the dean has the wrong impression of you, maybe you find some way of convincing him your not headstrong?

[The Harlequin]

Look, yeah you have problems, but can everyonr please STOP using the phrase "messed up"?! That really isn't good for anybody's self-esteem (X^{

You also want to be careful ~ if she tells the Dean she could put this under the bracket of harrassment which you do NOT want...

Can you talk to your guy friends about this, or would it make them uncomfortable? If they know the score, maybe they can offer another opinion on what to do next, which could make a word of difference.

Really hope this helps, man (:^,

[Littleman]

Look, yeah you have problems, but can everyonr please STOP using the phrase "messed up"?! That really isn't good for anybody's self-esteem (X^{

You also want to be careful ~ if she tells the Dean she could put this under the bracket of harrassment which you do NOT want...

Can you talk to your guy friends about this, or would it make them uncomfortable? If they know the score, maybe they can offer another opinion on what to do next, which could make a word of difference.

Really hope this helps, man (:^,

I could try to talk to some of my friends, but it might make me uncomfortable, plus, i learned a while back never to trust anyone, so i dont know. I really trust this girl though, she earned it, i would trust her with my life, and i would, if need be, die for her, thats how much i love her.

also, i think i might be developing some sort of eating disorder, i havent eatin yet today (its almost midnight) and i have hardly eaten anything this past week, and when i do eat, i scaft so much down i actually gain a pound or so on, im gonna try to sleep now, but i keep having dreams about torture and death... might as well try

[Dreaming Cannibal]

during class while she looks at you write up a big sign that says sorry… that could work? couldn't it?

[The Harlequin]

I could try to talk to some of my friends, but it might make me uncomfortable, plus, i learned a while back never to trust anyone, so i dont know. I really trust this girl though, she earned it, i would trust her with my life, and i would, if need be, die for her, thats how much i love her.

also, i think i might be developing some sort of eating disorder, i havent eatin yet today (its almost midnight) and i have hardly eaten anything this past week, and when i do eat, i scaft so much down i actually gain a pound or so on, im gonna try to sleep now, but i keep having dreams about torture and death... might as well try

I can totally sympathise with you not trusting everyone, but not trusting everyone is not healthy either, if you blatantly shut out your friends from what your feeling and worrying about you run the risk of isolating yourself ~ that makes all of your problems so much worse...

I don't pretend to know how you lost the world's trust, but you might really be surprised by the positive reaction you get if you confide in one very good friend of yours, if you aren't naturally trusting then be very careful who you choose to open up to, but seriously if you get it right then it could lift a great weight off your shoulders, something you need to do right now.

[Littleman]

I can totally sympathise with you not trusting everyone, but not trusting everyone is not healthy either, if you blatantly shut out your friends from what your feeling and worrying about you run the risk of isolating yourself ~ that makes all of your problems so much worse...

I don't pretend to know how you lost the world's trust, but you might really be surprised by the positive reaction you get if you confide in one very good friend of yours, if you aren't naturally trusting then be very careful who you choose to open up to, but seriously if you get it right then it could lift a great weight off your shoulders, something you need to do right now.

Everytime i trusted someone in the past, they always betrayed me later on, like they would make fun of me, tell my secerts to everyone, etc. She never did make fun of me, and never did tell my secerts, and i never have told hers, we are so close, its almost like shes my sister

[The Harlequin]

Well if anything that should prove that not everyone is so untrustworthy, she won't be the only person who would listen and not laugh, you need to therefore surround yourself with people who aren't so negative and cruel, like this girl. If this is what your friends are like then they're not friends,

Are you close to your family? Maybe they can help you through this, there are ways of getting support, if not your family (maybe you don't want them to know which is fair enough) then perhaps at the other end of the spectrum, talk to a professional, I don't know how much power the Dean has, but if you wanted to see a psychiatrist I'm sure she wouldn't object.

You have to believe that there are people who do not want to mock you but genuinly want to help you out of this. What if you had never trusted this girl, because you were so afraid of what would happen if she would mock you? Things would be even worse, and now you know what it is like to have someone you can completely trust ~ isn't it worth trying?

[Littleman]

Well if anything that should prove that not everyone is so untrustworthy, she won't be the only person who would listen and not laugh, you need to therefore surround yourself with people who aren't so negative and cruel, like this girl. If this is what your friends are like then they're not friends,

Are you close to your family? Maybe they can help you through this, there are ways of getting support, if not your family (maybe you don't want them to know which is fair enough) then perhaps at the other end of the spectrum, talk to a professional, I don't know how much power the Dean has, but if you wanted to see a psychiatrist I'm sure she wouldn't object.

You have to believe that there are people who do not want to mock you but genuinly want to help you out of this. What if you had never trusted this girl, because you were so afraid of what would happen if she would mock you? Things would be even worse, and now you know what it is like to have someone you can completely trust ~ isn't it worth trying?

I moved into a position where i dont trust anyone a few years ago, not my family, not my friends, but she earned it so she was the only one i trusted (Which is kinda strange sence im taking to people ive never met before lol)

I haven't meat anyone at school yet that im willing to trust, nor tell anything to... exept for the freshmen seminar teacher, shes really nice and is really helpful, even though im not sure if i trust her or not, shes giving me a hand. Im trying to get this girl back, but now shes got a boyfriend and doesnt even talk to me anymore, im all alone, no one to talk to, not even my roomate (boarding school)


I sent this song to her the other night, well, actually all of these lol

1st attempt - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIZJzlrT1G8

2nd attempt - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd4j1Ms1VYE

3rd attempt - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuqHzvi3vNg

4th attempt (and last for now) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt42hh6lce8

Im a tortured soul, but im still here, still fighting what seems to be a useless battle, but im not giving up, not now

[BuryYourFlame]

Mate, you aren't going to get her talking to you again by sending her songs that were written for someone else. You need to tell her how you feel, not how Amy Lee feels.

But, by the sounds of it you have already tried this, and it has been ages, if nothing has changed by now, the best you can do is try to move past it and forget about her as best you can.

[Littleman]

Mate, you aren't going to get her talking to you again by sending her songs that were written for someone else. You need to tell her how you feel, not how Amy Lee feels.

But, by the sounds of it you have already tried this, and it has been ages, if nothing has changed by now, the best you can do is try to move past it and forget about her as best you can.

I sent her the songs only because thats how we used to tell eachother how we felt before we got phones to txt, its just something we used to do, so i decided to try again. Didn't work appearntly