Gah. Everythings falling apart.

[1_21Guns]

Okay. I know this will sound like its ment to be in family + friends, so move it if you must. But it seemed to fit here more to me.

Basically my whole familys falling apart. Since my grandad left his wife, all hell has broken loose. They all secretly hate eachother, and little did I know when I dropped my dad out of my life, not only did I drop his family, I dropped half my mothers too. I've kept it all to myself and tried to not let it bother me, but it does. Ever since I was small i've been aware that my family just falls apart. I've just moved. Which i've took surprisingly well. Until we go back to school on monday. Then I may just wish to die. I've found out my so called best friend is still bitching about me. NON STOP. Which seriously upset me because i'm tired of pretending its all gone over my head and it dosent hurt. I did that with my dad. I did it with the bullies. And now I have to do it with my own "best friend". Its the way i've always been - say what you want about me, I dont care, but mess with my friends, and thats it. But I pretty much only have two true friends in the whole world who im close to. And when I have to go back to school. I have to face the damn two faced bitch. She only sees herself. She suddenly thinks shes ugly. When shes damn prettier than me. Attention seeking much. Its got me really down. I felt ugly before. Now I feel worse. My whole life is colapsing around me once again, and yet again I have to stand there and act like everythings okay. Just feels like its time to give up. I cant do this anymore. I cant take it all again. And it chose just days before going back to school to fall apart. With all this, and the added stress of school, plus the pressure from my mum and grandparents to do way beyond my capability in school. I cant do it anymore. I'm tired of my abusive past stalking me everywhere I go. I'm tired of pretending everythings okay. I'm tired of acting like bitching dosent hurt. I'm tired of living a lie. I'm tired of being alive =/

[Amyxoxo]

Honey, bottiling up will eventually make everything worse as will havve to face it some time or another. Bout your 'best friend' just serously take no notice, if she carries on with it and/or if it gets worse then secretly tell someone and get her into shit :D. Right, come one, how can you seriously say that your ugly????? Hun, your really not ok and you need to remember that!!!! Just tell your mum and grandparents that you dont think that you will get them results, or even the school dont think you will get them (but im sure you will :) So you dont need to pretend everythings ok if it is not!!!, Just ignore the bitching or tell someone bout it, dont live a lie beacuse...??? and everything will eventually get better and you shouldnt be tired of being alive.
PM me anytime :) xx

[1_21Guns]

Thanks, and I know, i've bottled things up an awful lot. Lately, and I always did before I made close friends with another girl. I know exactly what it does to me, and so does one of my only true friends.. And its low self esteem. I've had it for as long as I can remember. Just always thaught I was ugly.... And I've tried. They wont listen... and my two remaining true friends and another friends know about the bitching... and I know I shouldnt. Thanks again.

[Ortizitthisone]

As Amy said, you shouldn't pretend that you're okay when you're really not. If you're not ok, then tell someone you're not ok. Those family members that you are around need to know how you're feeling. Talk to them about it. Or, if not family members, try to find another trusted adult that you can speak with. A counselor, a teacher, a family friend, perhaps a friend's parent, these are all good places to start.

Low self-esteem is something that a lot of teens (myself included) have struggled with. Just remember that the beautiful, picture-perfect people you see on television and at the cinema are not what people really look like! That's fake, that stuff's not real people. Is that avatar a picture of you? If so, I think you are really pretty, and I'm truly not just saying that to make you feel better. And remember, some of the prettiest faces have some of the ugliest hearts, and vice versa. But you can have both! Always remember that you are not alone in this battle they call adolescence. PM me anytime if you want to. I hope I helped!
--Jim