So, maybe I am.

[Bougainvillea]

So, I think I have a slight form of depression.

I haven't been happy lately. School surely doesn't halp. At all. I've been eating less, also. It's so hard. And tomorrow is my dad's birthday. I miss him. I want to die.
I'm tired. ALL the time. Just tired.
I want to go to sleep, and never wake up.
Being here at home just makes it worse.
I want to go out. Run away. Be free.
My mom has been drinking.
God...bitch...
That just makes it worse.
My skin is becoming pale...
I think I'm suffering from malnutrition.
I don't care. I'm not hungry anymore.
I tried to help Thomas, but...
I don't think I helped.

This sucks.

[Θάνατος]

Yeah you have some of the symptoms of depression.

The important thing is that you recognise it.

If you are in need of a friend to talk to, I am here as well as many others here on VT.

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, Rob.
That means alot. :)

[Triceratops]

:hug3:
Remember we are all here for you.
If ever need a friend to talk to, I'm here. So PM me whenever you want.
If it helps, you could try talking to a close friend or family member to vent out your feelings, or seeing a counselor to confide in.

Hope you feel better soon. <3

[SlightlySane]

I'm really sorry to hear this. You are a really cool person from what I've seen and it's always hard to see people become depressed. It's good that you recognized it now. Do the best you can and try to remember that we care about you. If you feel you need it please try and get help.

If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything at all I'm here to listen whenever you need me.

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, Marcie. You're a good person. It makes me feel good that there are people like you in this society we live in.

I don't want to go to a close friend, not even Cathy.
News around here spreads fast. I'm considering a counselor, but there are a few here. And they are expensive.
But I'll try.
I'm going to visit my dad's grave tomorrow.
Maybe that'll help.

[Bougainvillea]

Bump.

Okay, I visited my dad's grave today...
I cried. Alot.
And if you know me well enough, and if you've read my post, you know why.
Anyway.
For some strange reason, I was happy. It felt like he was there with me. I felt like I could smell his cologne. It was strange. Like he was sitting next to me.
I miss him dearly. I think I'm doing better.
I ate a small sandwich today. I feel good. :)


Happy Birthday, Dad. :)

[nick]

That's good to hear Chris. Also its good to cry, we guys should do it more often. I'm always willing to listen if you need someone to offload too. Just pm for my msn or skype if you ever want to.

[Bougainvillea]

Thanks, Nick.

You're a good friend. :)

[Triceratops]

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better, Chris. :hug:

Cry and let it all out and as Nick has just said, it helps a lot. :)
Never forget that we love you and will support you.
Take care hun. <3

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, Marcie. Once again. :P

I cried for a while.
It felt wierd. I haven't cried in a long time.
But it does help. To just let it go.

I love you guys.
:hug:

[Viral Death]

Sorry for your loss of your dad first off. I am here for you such as you are there for me I hope things get better with councelor.

[Bougainvillea]

Thanks, Colton.
I appreciate it. :)

[RaeNose]

Aw, Chris.
*maternal instincts kick in*
You're a good person and sometimes it takes a good breakdown to allow us to feel better. It can lead to a rise from the ashes.

Please be safe. We all really care about you.

[Bougainvillea]

Thanks, Kylie.
I lurvs you. :)
You've been nothing short of amazing to me. :)

[RaeNose]

No problem, hun. It's what I do. I've learned that one should never underestimate the power of calling someone a good person.
If you ever need to talk, well we're in the same time zone and I'm usually bored. :)

[Bougainvillea]

So, I got a phone call today...
My aunt called.
She basically wanted to remind me that my dad's death was all my fault. She really upset me.
Fuck her, though.
I'm better than her.

How can you blame a child for the death of their father.
God, that's SO fucked up.

[RaeNose]

That's ridiculous. You can't blame someone for another's death.
Well, unless that person is a drunk driver that crashed into the vehicle. But other than that, no.

I'm glad that you're being the bigger person. Please don't let her get to you.

[Triceratops]

So, I got a phone call today...
My aunt called.
She basically wanted to remind me that my dad's death was all my fault. She really upset me.
Fuck her, though.
I'm better than her.

How can you blame a child for the death of their father.
God, that's SO fucked up.

The fucking nerve of her.
Chris, remember that none of this was your fault.
Even though I don't know you personally, I still can't even imagine you doing something bad like that, ever.
You're right, it is messed up to blame a child for his death and anyone who agree's with your aunt is deluded.

You are being the better person here, and everyone can see that. :hug:

[BlackenedSilver]

I can't really say anything unique but..
I can't believe your aunt would do that =/ It's an awful thing to do, your right you are better than her, a million times better. :hug3:
If you ever need to talk I'm always here. You can add me on msn or something :) xx

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, guys.

Well, my mom called her back and basically kicked her ass over the phone.

And my father was shot because he was asking a man, who was smoking marijuana, to step out of his vehicle. But instead, the guy thought it would be better to just shoot him.
All while I was sitting in the front of the police cruiser.

We were going to get ice cream.


That's why I'm so against drugs.

[RaeNose]

Over-the-phone ass-kicking's FTW!
Awww.... :(
You couldn't have been very old if you hanging out in the police cruiser waiting to get ice cream.
I'm sorry, hun.

[Bougainvillea]

Exactly.

I wasn't even twelve.

[RaeNose]

:(
Well, everything happens for a reason. I know it doesn't sound like much now, but it's key when you think about everything that happened in retrospect. The reason will come, it doesn't need to be looked for.
It sounds like complete crap now, but trust me, a lot of the messes we go through end up building our character and ultimately who we are and the decisions we'll make in the future.

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, Kylie
+Rep for pure amazingness. :P

[RaeNose]

You're very welcome, Chris.
We're all here for you. :)

[Ortizitthisone]

Hello Chris,
Being that I'm a relatively new member here at VT, I can guarantee we have not met. I'm Jim. How do you do? I hope you are doing better in these last few days. After reading the story of how your dad passed away, I cried. I'm a 17 year old guy who considers himself pretty darn tough, and I broke down in tears when I read that. I truly would never be able to find the words to express how sad and angry that makes me feel, and how sorry I am that you had to endure such a horrible trauma in your life. I could not sit here and tell you I know how it feels to lose a parent, especially in such a horrible way. That would be a lie. Both of my parents are alive and well, and I thank God for that every day. But I have had losses in my life as well. I lost a close friend in a car accident almost four years ago, and I know how horrible that was. I still find it hard when his birthday comes around every July. He would have been 17 this year.

As for the depression, I know what that's like. It's not easy. But it's important to have people that you can talk to. Your close friends at school are a great resource for you. But it's also good to be able to talk to an adult as well. Are there any trusted adults in your life that you could talk to? A counselor, a teacher, a family friend, a friend's parent? Maybe it could also help to talk to some of your dad's fellow officers about how you're feeling. They knew him too, and they experienced a similar loss.

I know you don't know me and I don't know you, but you truly seem like a genuine guy and a true, good person. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk. I hope I helped.
--Jim

[RaeNose]

I like this kid ^^, he seems nice. :)
He's right, you know, Chris.
You are a good guy.

[Ortizitthisone]

:) That's very nice Kylie, thank you for the kind words.

[Bougainvillea]

Thank you, Jim.
That was amazing of you.
I really appreciate it. :)

[Ortizitthisone]

No problem man. Hang in there, things always look up.

[zacset]

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you but I thought I'd yet cha know that you aren't the only one... I'm well aware of how it feels. So I think the best plan asides from medical treatment and so on is to just keep telling yourself it'll get better, and be safe, don't go hurting yourself or anything. Good Luck. :)