All Round
August 26th, 2009, 03:20 PM
Kind of a vent. You've been warned, I guess?
A while ago I found myself suffering depression, and was contemplating suicide once I got finished school. I identified it as having been brought on by the economy, the loss of my jobs and the realization that I am currently completely helpless to live on my own. I felt I simply could not live in this world once the support of my parents was gone... And I do still kind of feel that way. When the teacher talks about climate change and the economy in class. It would just make me feel worse and worse. I got a bit better, it passed.
At the end of the school year, I committed myself to making some friends so I would have them into the knew year. This is my second year at this school, while most students have been here since grade 1. I know very few people and the academic level is high. I struggle in some subjects (my math and science courses) but my little bit of happiness comes from my friends and my art classes.
I've been gone through the summer for three weeks now. I knew things would change. Not this much I guess.... I made a friend during those last few days. We went on one date together but decided just to be friends. I was fine with that. But I was very, very happy, to once feel loved. I'm not pretty. I'm no lean and beautiful like the other girls. I've never had a true boyfriend or girlfriend, never felt loved for longer than a few days. It hurts a bit. To see all these girls, around me, showered in loving affection while I stand by.
That friend, she's not coming back next year. Another friend, one i'd been crushing on for a few years now, is in a relationship. My friend likes to talk about that with me. it breaks my heart to smile and nod and to cry inside how I love my friend more than anyone else could.
I feel very alone in this world. No matter what i do, the things I grab and hold onto, just slip through my fingers. And they fade into the darkness of the past... And I feel like a stupid child, looking into the future, hoping for that happiness to come back...
I'm a good person... I'm that person who donates to the homeless musician, who helps the elderly with her bags or across the street. I offer my umbrella to someone stuck in the rain. And I do it all, just to feel that warmth in my heart, to see the smile or the kind look in their eyes.
Do I not deserve love? Why do others get it, yet I must stand by, and simply watch. How come, every time I feel grounded, the stone step underneath me crumbles?
We meet, through chance, so we may part at chance... And though I watch you leave... and reach for you. Where is my happiness? Do I deserve nothing, after all, but this ache in my heart and the tears in my eyes?
A while ago I found myself suffering depression, and was contemplating suicide once I got finished school. I identified it as having been brought on by the economy, the loss of my jobs and the realization that I am currently completely helpless to live on my own. I felt I simply could not live in this world once the support of my parents was gone... And I do still kind of feel that way. When the teacher talks about climate change and the economy in class. It would just make me feel worse and worse. I got a bit better, it passed.
At the end of the school year, I committed myself to making some friends so I would have them into the knew year. This is my second year at this school, while most students have been here since grade 1. I know very few people and the academic level is high. I struggle in some subjects (my math and science courses) but my little bit of happiness comes from my friends and my art classes.
I've been gone through the summer for three weeks now. I knew things would change. Not this much I guess.... I made a friend during those last few days. We went on one date together but decided just to be friends. I was fine with that. But I was very, very happy, to once feel loved. I'm not pretty. I'm no lean and beautiful like the other girls. I've never had a true boyfriend or girlfriend, never felt loved for longer than a few days. It hurts a bit. To see all these girls, around me, showered in loving affection while I stand by.
That friend, she's not coming back next year. Another friend, one i'd been crushing on for a few years now, is in a relationship. My friend likes to talk about that with me. it breaks my heart to smile and nod and to cry inside how I love my friend more than anyone else could.
I feel very alone in this world. No matter what i do, the things I grab and hold onto, just slip through my fingers. And they fade into the darkness of the past... And I feel like a stupid child, looking into the future, hoping for that happiness to come back...
I'm a good person... I'm that person who donates to the homeless musician, who helps the elderly with her bags or across the street. I offer my umbrella to someone stuck in the rain. And I do it all, just to feel that warmth in my heart, to see the smile or the kind look in their eyes.
Do I not deserve love? Why do others get it, yet I must stand by, and simply watch. How come, every time I feel grounded, the stone step underneath me crumbles?
We meet, through chance, so we may part at chance... And though I watch you leave... and reach for you. Where is my happiness? Do I deserve nothing, after all, but this ache in my heart and the tears in my eyes?