Alone... But not.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I can't help but feel unloved, and completely worthless. Although I know people care about me, so I feel stupid for feeling unloved. I feel like everyone is giving up on helping me, or that they have better things to do. I don't want to bother anyone. Most of me doesn't want to stop cutting. I like it too much. A part of me is wanting to stop for me. And all of me is trying to stop of those that care about me. Yet I can't help but think that fewer people are caring now. I wish I was hated by everyone. If nobody cared about me I wouldn't feel bad about wanting to/trying to kill myself. I feel so worthless and a guy that I like, who liked me back (although we couldn't ever be together) is now talking to a friend of mine a LOT more and I can't help but feel that I would be better off dead. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm terrified to stop hurting myself. Its the only thing I use to cope, and it means that I can always hurt myself more than anyone else can. I'm scared to stop that. To let that control away. If I do the littlest thing would bring me to sobs. I feel so lost.... I don't know what to do. I can't control myself or my feelings. I can barely even seem to cry anymore. And I'm still waiting to be told about when my next appointment is...

[ocean_blue]

you're not worthless. and people do still care. i care (even though i dont know you) :)
you shouldnt feel bad, just keep trying to stop cutting. its worth it even if u dont feel like it is straight away. control can come in other ways, just keep distracting yourself and finding things that take your mind off it. and dont feel bad for feeling unloved, maybe people just dont no how they can help anymore. so they hope just being there us enuf.
good luck in your next appointment.
keep trying until then and i hope it helps.
pm me anytime :)

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Thanks. But the thing is, I'm not sure if I want to stop. I like the feeling too much, I like how it always makes me feel better. I'm in a horrible, dark, downward cycle and I can't do it alone, and it feels like few of my friends are they to help me out. Only one seems to be (irl that is) and I don't want to put all my shit onto her aswell as her own issues. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel bitter and resentful to a lot of my friends. I feel so stupid...

[ocean_blue]

dont feel stupid, 'cos its not ur fault. ur considerate 2 not want 2 overload ur shit onto ur friend, which shows ur a good person, who deserves good friends to help u through this. (does that make sense?)
and i totally understand about liking wot ur doing, i'm the same, so how can i tell u 2 try and stop anyway 'cos thats exactly the opposite 2 what i'm doing?i'm giving in so why shouldnt u?
all i know is that u sound like a good person, and i hope u feel better soon. i hope everything works out, that either u find someone who can help u through this, or find something about urself worth trying for instead.
sorry if this is a very confusing and unhelpful reply, but i feel like i cant tell anyone what to do when i cant do anything rite myself.
i wish u good luck, and i do hope u try and stop.
pm me if u need more vague and useless but wellmeant "advice" :D

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Lmao. We seem rather similar. I don't feel like I can give advice. Thanks though. I hope for the same for you.