chelsay13
August 24th, 2009, 04:42 PM
I've been wanting to say something n here... but I haven't been able to put in words what I really want to say... Now I think I can do it.
This summer wasn't easy for me... everyone think I've given up cutting... my friends, family, and school... but only one people knows i cut myself in june, and no one knows about me cutting myself in july.
I don't think I'm exactly ready to just give it all up. I can control myself to only do it once in a while, but not completely stop. In a way, I don't want to give it up. The biggest mistake was last oct., after my first time cutting, i scared myself and told my friends, who got my to tell a teacher. But I wasn't ready to stop, and I didn't know that until Jan. when I started up again and wasn't able to cover it up as well, because pretty much everyone knew i had already started a few months earlier, and knew what to look for in me.
I'm just so confused.... whether I trust my friends, want to stop cutting, or questioning what I'm going to do when school starts and people start to ask me "how i'm doing". Right now, I can't even figure out if I'm straight or not...
to top it all off, I'm starting high school in a week... I'm class president now and I can't even stand being a hypocrite and helping the school inform people cutting and other self-harm isn't the way to go.
and now, I'm frusterated because the only thing keeping me from cutting is going back to school and the inability to hide how i feel. Plus, I finally got out of therapy... i can't go back... i hated it and it never even helped me.
I just don't know what to do... am i a bad person if I keep doing it and getting help again when I really need it?
I'm sorry for such a long post and havig everything jump around from one thing to another... I'm just...confused :'(
This summer wasn't easy for me... everyone think I've given up cutting... my friends, family, and school... but only one people knows i cut myself in june, and no one knows about me cutting myself in july.
I don't think I'm exactly ready to just give it all up. I can control myself to only do it once in a while, but not completely stop. In a way, I don't want to give it up. The biggest mistake was last oct., after my first time cutting, i scared myself and told my friends, who got my to tell a teacher. But I wasn't ready to stop, and I didn't know that until Jan. when I started up again and wasn't able to cover it up as well, because pretty much everyone knew i had already started a few months earlier, and knew what to look for in me.
I'm just so confused.... whether I trust my friends, want to stop cutting, or questioning what I'm going to do when school starts and people start to ask me "how i'm doing". Right now, I can't even figure out if I'm straight or not...
to top it all off, I'm starting high school in a week... I'm class president now and I can't even stand being a hypocrite and helping the school inform people cutting and other self-harm isn't the way to go.
and now, I'm frusterated because the only thing keeping me from cutting is going back to school and the inability to hide how i feel. Plus, I finally got out of therapy... i can't go back... i hated it and it never even helped me.
I just don't know what to do... am i a bad person if I keep doing it and getting help again when I really need it?
I'm sorry for such a long post and havig everything jump around from one thing to another... I'm just...confused :'(