Looking for something sharp..

[aLeX..]

Today i met up with a friend to go shopping, and i was a bit worried about something and she gave me some advice. i didn't really agree to the advice so i just said "erm, maybe i'll do that. i'll think about it". she got upset saying its the right thing and she got her mum involved. she ended up leaving me in the middle of the shopping centre saying that i kept shouting at her... when i wasn't. and she went home. i then started crying. i thought "is this what my life is going to be like? just being left alone?". but a lady on a bench, heard me sob and looked up at me and said "you alright, love?". and that made me think, they'll always be people there for you.

but later on, i was wondering round the bus, train and tram station, wondering whether to go home or not. but while i was there, i found myself looking round for something sharp. and i kept on getting thoughts and pictures in my head of me cutting. i felt sick in the stomach. but i couldn't stop thinking about it. i kept on forcing myself to think "alex, it's been 6 weeks and 2 days exactly of not self-harming. c'mon" but it didn't stop the urge. i didn't find anything, but i know that if i did find anything, i would've done it. :(

thats when i got really confused :confused:
i haven't done it in weeks, why am i still thinking about it?
and is it normal to look for something sharp when you're in somewhere, like a shopping centre?
sorry if these are stupid questions..
x

[Discomposure]

Your questions are certianley not stupid. Of course it's normal to, when you get the urge to cut, look for something sharp. Although you've gone 6 weeks and 2days without cutting, (which is great btw:)) you will still get the urges, I don't think they will go away. You will learn to controll the urges as you have bin doing, I'm glad you found nothing to cut with. Next time the urge might be stronger, but you've also gotten stronger fighting them, if you understand. Stay strong and pm me anytime you need anything :)

[dstnyisurs]

right on amy.
what she said.
haha.

[VioletAngel]

Well done on going without it for so long :)
I've gone 8 weeks 4 days and I still have urges, but I'm finding that the longer I go, the less I want to go back into self injury.
Stay strong, and one day you'll be free of this :)
Love,
xxx

[chelsay13]

I have done the same. I went shopping with my friends and we fought. I've found myself looking at pocket knives and other sharp objects.

Hun, it's because you're addicted. Addictions take time to overcome. In a couple years, you'll still have urges, like smokers will still want cigarettes and alcoholics want alcohol. Its not something you can control, but you CAN control whether you will give in.
For a non-cutter, i don't think its normal. For a cutter, I think it might be common to get an urge and search for something sharp. I have gotten a strong urge and broke down because I couldn't find anything. I have gotten a spork in a food court and attempted to cut myself. You're not alone.

pm me if you need to talk.

[RaeNose]

Trust me, you will STILL have those urges. After 3 months, 3 years... maybe even 3 decades. (Goodness, I hope not.) You're going to just have to keep on fighting.

[aLeX..]

thank you everyone :)
x