BuryYourFlame
August 18th, 2009, 11:02 AM
I had to write this speech for a public-speaking competition that I am doing today, and the topic that I chose was "starting something new", so I found a way to fit my passion into it. Well...hope you enjoy it...sorta...idk lol
“Self-harm is the deliberate injuring of oneself in an attempt to cope with strong feelings such as anger, despair or self-hatred. Someone who self-harms may inflict physical injuries in a variety of ways such as cutting, piercing, burning or biting themselves. This is known as direct self-harm.” The very first thing that I want to get across to you, is that no matter how true this definition is, it does nothing to show what it is like, what the reasons behind it are and the effects it has. Statistics, although sometimes useful, are really just numbers, numbers that carry no emotion, no feeling and really no purpose.
Sure, it is a very hard thing to describe, the pain that drives someone to self-harm. It is one of the most illogical things plaguing the 21st century. I could tell you stories of abuse, rape and drug addiction, many people I know would gladly share theirs, but that is not what I am going to talk about. I am simply going to tell my own story, so that, instead of becoming just another thing you hear and pass off, you might remember this.
I can not point out any single thing that made me start to self-harm, any single event that shook my life. It could have been the death of my mother in January last year, but I don’t think it can take all the blame. There were things going on in my friend groups, both at school and at church that could have equally been the cause. This being said, it should be noted that depression doesn’t have to have a cause, or reason behind it. I started to self-harm late January this year and in about April this year my dad’s girlfriend moved in, she is now also married to him. I can honestly say that self-harm has changed my life, some parts for the worse, but although I would never recommend this process, I have grown as a person from these experiences, and they have made me stronger. I can not promise I will never do it again, but I hope not. I currently am in therapy and I hold to the hope that things are going to improve.
That is my story in a very brief format, there is a bit more to it, but I think that will be enough. I am going to do my best, to try and give an accurate description of the feelings, thoughts and emotions that go into self-harm. You feel alone; who would want to be your friend anyways. You are desperate for relief of the emotional pain or desperate simply to feel anything at all. You have nothing else to turn to; everything else doesn’t feel right nor does anything to better your mood. You feel the guilt crash around you; recognizing, too late, that others do love you, and you have put them in pain once again. Amongst all these things, you feel a high, something that is unique to self-harm, and is the outcome of the endorphin release.
So many people ask me these two things, the first compares our lives to those of children in Africa, who are dying of AIDS, and they ask how we can do this when we have much more than them. My answer to this was given by someone I know who said this to a person who asked her that question. “Self harm isn't an objective act. It is a coping mechanism and therefore is completely subjective. Each person has their own limits as to what they can and can't cope with in adaptive and positive ways. One person’s mountain is another’s molehill.” The second most popular question is how we can still do this, knowing that it will hurt those who we care about. I always have and always will maintain that while you are trying to quit self-harm, then that is all that you can do, regarding that. By trying to quit, you are showing them that you do care about them. Self-harm is in fact quite like a drug addiction; it can not simply be erased over-night, it takes a long time, sometimes even years before someone stops for good and there are definitely going to be slip-ups along the way. The individual’s mind set is not the only thing to blame for this, rather the addiction. Yes, just like a drug, people get addicted to self-harm and the hormones that are released with it. The addiction to self-harm is the main reason why a lot of people are still self-harming.
The image that many of the general public has of self-harm is that it is a taboo subject, is socially unacceptable and that those who do it are both insane and are given the label of ‘emo’. Ever since it became known of, self-harm has been one of the most taboo and unspoken subjects around, although this is fast changing with the help of organizations such as To Write Love On Her Arms. Organizations such as TWLOHA are bringing self-harm into a new light, making help more available and fighting to make it more accepted in the general community. They do this through pamphlets and various other forms of advertising, and also through band celebrities getting involved. Some of those involved with TWLOHA are: Hayley Williams of Paramore, Spencer Chamberlain and Aaron Gillespie of Underoath, Craig Owens of Chiodos, Chris Guglielmo of Bayside and Anberlin.
The ‘emo’ and ‘attention seeker’ labels are given out far too often and far too easily. ‘Emo’ is a dress or music style, it should never be used to define or label someone who self-harms, some people within the emo sub-culture self-harm, some outside of the emo sub-culture self-harm, there is no correlation. The ‘attention seeker’ labels are also largely underserved, as are those that say they only do it to ‘fit in’. You will find, that more often than not, people will not tell anybody about their self-harm for a fair while, and that people, more often than not, prefer to hide their scars as they are ashamed of what they have done. You will probably come across some, who bare their scars for anyone to look at, even in these cases they are not for show. They leave them uncovered because of two simple reasons, the first being that they simply do not care what others think of them, and second, they are a reminder of how far they have come and how much they have grown.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to give up something like self-harm, but with the right mind-set, help and encouragement, it is certainly possible to overcome it and make it a thing of the past. I would like to finish with the ending of something someone wrote on a website that I frequently visit.
I began to see a social worker, who I met while I was in the hospital...regularly and we began the hardest battle I have ever fought… there were many times when I gave up, and fell back into the warm blanket of depression. But I always got up again, and that was the key. I learned that… as long as I tried again and got a little bit further towards being healthy I was still making progress.
I stopped cutting sometime in late summer 2007. It didn’t do the same things it used to do for me. I still want to cut sometimes, and there are moments when I am thankful that I no longer carry a razor with me at all times, because I would use it if it were readily available. I can honestly say though that I will never self harm again… My dream for years was simply to be happy. Every eyelash I found, every dandelion I scattered into the wind, every candle I blew out was marked by the wish to be happy. Today is my 20th birthday and I am happy. The fight is worth it. I am happy.
It is because of this, because of stories like these, we get the chance, and we see that it is possible, that there is a life beyond what so heavily occupies our minds, that there is freedom and there is happiness beyond the pain and most of all we can see that every time we slip-up and fall back down, we start and try again, a new beginning, not starting from square one, but a clean slate, another chance at once again, starting something new.
Carol, I sorta stole one of those quotes from you, sorry lol, hope you don't mind...
“Self-harm is the deliberate injuring of oneself in an attempt to cope with strong feelings such as anger, despair or self-hatred. Someone who self-harms may inflict physical injuries in a variety of ways such as cutting, piercing, burning or biting themselves. This is known as direct self-harm.” The very first thing that I want to get across to you, is that no matter how true this definition is, it does nothing to show what it is like, what the reasons behind it are and the effects it has. Statistics, although sometimes useful, are really just numbers, numbers that carry no emotion, no feeling and really no purpose.
Sure, it is a very hard thing to describe, the pain that drives someone to self-harm. It is one of the most illogical things plaguing the 21st century. I could tell you stories of abuse, rape and drug addiction, many people I know would gladly share theirs, but that is not what I am going to talk about. I am simply going to tell my own story, so that, instead of becoming just another thing you hear and pass off, you might remember this.
I can not point out any single thing that made me start to self-harm, any single event that shook my life. It could have been the death of my mother in January last year, but I don’t think it can take all the blame. There were things going on in my friend groups, both at school and at church that could have equally been the cause. This being said, it should be noted that depression doesn’t have to have a cause, or reason behind it. I started to self-harm late January this year and in about April this year my dad’s girlfriend moved in, she is now also married to him. I can honestly say that self-harm has changed my life, some parts for the worse, but although I would never recommend this process, I have grown as a person from these experiences, and they have made me stronger. I can not promise I will never do it again, but I hope not. I currently am in therapy and I hold to the hope that things are going to improve.
That is my story in a very brief format, there is a bit more to it, but I think that will be enough. I am going to do my best, to try and give an accurate description of the feelings, thoughts and emotions that go into self-harm. You feel alone; who would want to be your friend anyways. You are desperate for relief of the emotional pain or desperate simply to feel anything at all. You have nothing else to turn to; everything else doesn’t feel right nor does anything to better your mood. You feel the guilt crash around you; recognizing, too late, that others do love you, and you have put them in pain once again. Amongst all these things, you feel a high, something that is unique to self-harm, and is the outcome of the endorphin release.
So many people ask me these two things, the first compares our lives to those of children in Africa, who are dying of AIDS, and they ask how we can do this when we have much more than them. My answer to this was given by someone I know who said this to a person who asked her that question. “Self harm isn't an objective act. It is a coping mechanism and therefore is completely subjective. Each person has their own limits as to what they can and can't cope with in adaptive and positive ways. One person’s mountain is another’s molehill.” The second most popular question is how we can still do this, knowing that it will hurt those who we care about. I always have and always will maintain that while you are trying to quit self-harm, then that is all that you can do, regarding that. By trying to quit, you are showing them that you do care about them. Self-harm is in fact quite like a drug addiction; it can not simply be erased over-night, it takes a long time, sometimes even years before someone stops for good and there are definitely going to be slip-ups along the way. The individual’s mind set is not the only thing to blame for this, rather the addiction. Yes, just like a drug, people get addicted to self-harm and the hormones that are released with it. The addiction to self-harm is the main reason why a lot of people are still self-harming.
The image that many of the general public has of self-harm is that it is a taboo subject, is socially unacceptable and that those who do it are both insane and are given the label of ‘emo’. Ever since it became known of, self-harm has been one of the most taboo and unspoken subjects around, although this is fast changing with the help of organizations such as To Write Love On Her Arms. Organizations such as TWLOHA are bringing self-harm into a new light, making help more available and fighting to make it more accepted in the general community. They do this through pamphlets and various other forms of advertising, and also through band celebrities getting involved. Some of those involved with TWLOHA are: Hayley Williams of Paramore, Spencer Chamberlain and Aaron Gillespie of Underoath, Craig Owens of Chiodos, Chris Guglielmo of Bayside and Anberlin.
The ‘emo’ and ‘attention seeker’ labels are given out far too often and far too easily. ‘Emo’ is a dress or music style, it should never be used to define or label someone who self-harms, some people within the emo sub-culture self-harm, some outside of the emo sub-culture self-harm, there is no correlation. The ‘attention seeker’ labels are also largely underserved, as are those that say they only do it to ‘fit in’. You will find, that more often than not, people will not tell anybody about their self-harm for a fair while, and that people, more often than not, prefer to hide their scars as they are ashamed of what they have done. You will probably come across some, who bare their scars for anyone to look at, even in these cases they are not for show. They leave them uncovered because of two simple reasons, the first being that they simply do not care what others think of them, and second, they are a reminder of how far they have come and how much they have grown.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to give up something like self-harm, but with the right mind-set, help and encouragement, it is certainly possible to overcome it and make it a thing of the past. I would like to finish with the ending of something someone wrote on a website that I frequently visit.
I began to see a social worker, who I met while I was in the hospital...regularly and we began the hardest battle I have ever fought… there were many times when I gave up, and fell back into the warm blanket of depression. But I always got up again, and that was the key. I learned that… as long as I tried again and got a little bit further towards being healthy I was still making progress.
I stopped cutting sometime in late summer 2007. It didn’t do the same things it used to do for me. I still want to cut sometimes, and there are moments when I am thankful that I no longer carry a razor with me at all times, because I would use it if it were readily available. I can honestly say though that I will never self harm again… My dream for years was simply to be happy. Every eyelash I found, every dandelion I scattered into the wind, every candle I blew out was marked by the wish to be happy. Today is my 20th birthday and I am happy. The fight is worth it. I am happy.
It is because of this, because of stories like these, we get the chance, and we see that it is possible, that there is a life beyond what so heavily occupies our minds, that there is freedom and there is happiness beyond the pain and most of all we can see that every time we slip-up and fall back down, we start and try again, a new beginning, not starting from square one, but a clean slate, another chance at once again, starting something new.
Carol, I sorta stole one of those quotes from you, sorry lol, hope you don't mind...