This is quite complicated.

[Darkness]

This is about the same girl inhttp://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=52332 (This thread) She's a friend of mine and she was a self harmer, I really like her, allot. It hurts me to not be near her. Other than the self harming there are further... complications. She lives too far away for me to visit her. We texted often, and because I (wrongly) thought she was open about her self harming I asked her about it over texts, not right away though. She freaked then.

I tried calling her to apologised, but the service said the number wasn't recognised. So I texted her and told her I wanted to talk to her. She asked why. So I apologized in the text, I didn't mean to but I did. It was a long one too. Then she seemed to be shouting at me, saying her life was messed up and that she had been through enough and that I couldn't imagine what she had been through. I asked her if I should leave her alone, she replied in the negative. Then I said some stuff she didn't get, then I asked her if we were “as we should be” she said yes. She busy I know this, but most of the time I talk to her inbox. I’m going to tell her I’m not going to text her unless she texts me. I know that she very resilient, but I don’t want her to think she’s being rejected because she’s not. It might hurt her, I mean If you dislocate your shoulder being able to reset it doesn’t make it hurt less!
I can’t be subtle without feeling manipulative, but I don’t want to be short or blunt.
How do I do this right? :(

Thanks, Darkness.

Also any general advice about our relationship is wanted and welcomed it's highly valued.

[Grey fox]

I think you need to treat softly, if she is a self harmer then probably has self confidence issues, and may not think that you like her for the rights reasons.

Try to gradually and slowly build up trust from her, and remember, an honest compliment goes a very long way!

Stop with the creepy-stalker thing though, give her time and space, and tell her how much she means to you and how much you value your time talking with her.

I hope it all works out, feel free to ask any more questions :)

[Darkness]

Is there a creepy stalker thing?

[IAMWILL]

Well, if your trying to get into a relationship with her, don't do it now, just wait until her life calms down a bit. (Note, may take awhile). The best thing you can be right now is a good friend. When you talk to her, offer her support in her troubles, and tell her your open to her if she wants to express her feelings or get something off her back. To me there isn't a creepy overbearing psycho stalker vibe thing being given off here, your just trying to be more than friends with her.

Bottom line: Be a good friend, nothing more until her life settles down, don't make any moves, and build up the trust between you two. That will set the foundations for a great relationship.

[Darkness]

Understood, Thanks. She has calmmed down now. When I tell her I like her, should I wait untill I can talk to her in person- sometime next year,- Or should I text her with it, or should I ask her to call me? I can't make up my mind how to do it, or even if to! It seems unfair to tell her, I mean shes not going to see me for ages and ages at times. I want to tell her in person but she might meet someone else first. Any ideas?

[IAMWILL]

Definitely tell her in person, but i would still wait until her lifes in a stable condition.

[Grey fox]

Is there a creepy stalker thing?

Txting/calling a lot. I'm guessing she's someone who needs some time and space to think things through

[Darkness]

I don't do it like every night or in any order, just when I'm at a loose end, I don't think txting applies tho, shes always on it to the same people. I'll have to slow down now anyway with my being back at school. Thanks :)

[Aves]

Wait till you're in person, much better trust me.