Can't stop

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't stop cutting tonight. I look a mess and I'm still doing it. I've asked a few people on msn for help but I just seem to get rejected. I don't know who to turn to. I'm feeling really suicidal and I haven't felt like this in a while, I'm finding it hard to breathe. I just feel so alone...

[Grey fox]

Sit on your hands...?

nothing wrong with you if you'd had a hard day or anything, and it's late now, so no many people are going to be online and feeling up to helping.

I'm willing to talk and to try my best to help, but i'm pretty tired so i may not always make sense...

Sorry :(

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Today hasn't been too bad, but last night a friend of mine tried to kill herself, I explained a lot of it in another post in the depression section.
I guess they won't want to talk much, but I've got a good few people online and don't want to talk to any of them. I just feel like such a failure. And all my cuts are gonna hurt people, although the only ones that seem to care are the ones from vt...

[Grey fox]

I don't see any reason why you should feel a failure.
And how DARE anyone tell you that you are!?!?!

For a whole year i can say i was actually a failure, but I got certificates to prove it. ( I failed maths, lol. oh, and chemistry)

It may not be a simple case of only people on vt caring, but more that generally speaking people on vt are used to helping people out and being understanding and are therefore capable of a much greater capacity to care. It's generally a ad idea to get into the rut of thinking people don't care, because it's more often then not a case that people don't KNOW, and they would care if they knew and understood.

This might sound a bit patronising, but what about trying to get some sleep? You are obviously stressed out and in desperate need of some R&R
Then tomorrow, things may just look better, and sleep does wonders for stresses and worries :) trust me on this, im lazy :P

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I agree. Sleep does work, or it used to for me, I'm not sleeping well now, and it did nothing for me last night. But I should sleep. I know that. I dunno why I won't...

[Grey fox]

After watching TV or being on a computer it takes 2 hours for the brain to calm down enough to properly sleep. Try having a hot chocolate (or other milky, stimulant-free hot drink), a bath/shower, then curling up with something cuddly to do something like read a book, with some of your favourite relaxing music on quietly in the background, and just chill.

If this still doesn't work try meditative breathing techniques like square breathing, which is where you breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4 then repeat. Little things like that when you concentrate on them can be really relaxing. especially when all else seems insignificant and you kinda doze off...

I know how hard it can be to sleep when there is so much going on inside your head, but it is annoyingly vital...

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Yeah, I'll try to get some sleep in a bit. I've stopped cutting for now.

[NightFighter]

Heya,

I think its a good idea to try to get some sleep. You'll just feel awful if you stay up and harm yourself even more. Tomorrow wont be so bad if you have had a good nights sleep.
On top of trying all those things that Grey Fox suggested you could also try this technique - all you do is squeeze your muscles and hold for about 10 seconds or so then once you stop, your muscles will be more relaxed than they were before!
Sleep tight :)

[Grey fox]

That's good, well done!

*huggle* <-- Because everyone needs cuddles from friends! But none more so then you right now...

You've been through a lot, way too much for any one person to deal with, and I think you are coping pretty well so far. So chin up, and keep being strong! (And awesome, don't forget that you're awesome as well!)

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Thanks guys, I'm not feeling as bad now, I've calmed down finally. Hopefully I'll be getting professional help soon too. :hug:

[NightFighter]

:) Thats good to hear you're feeling a bit better now :hug:

[Grey fox]

That's great! See, told you people care!

Oh yeah, do please try to remember what I said about people not being able to understand or fully care when they do not know about something. I think you mentioned in another post you weren't telling a counsellor something? I know it's hard to do, but they are there to listen and to not judge you, and most importantly, to make you feel OK!

I hope you have some really good dreams, especially one of the ones where you wake up smiling and you don't know why!

Nighty night xx

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I do feel a little better today, and when I go back to my counsellor I'm going to be telling her everything. It was just all the other times I didn't tell her about my cutting. She can't tell my mum about me self harming can she?

[Harley Quinn]

she can if she thinks your in any danger or anything like that
im glad you feel better :hug:

[Darkness]

Not if you tell her not too, unless you (-or say you will-) try suicide. It might be a good Idea to tell your mum anyway if you are felling like this she might help you.

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

I know I should tell her but I can't bring myself to. I know it'll hurt her and I don't want to cause that, I know I'd feel bad and my cutting would get worse.