aLeX..
August 16th, 2009, 11:42 AM
hello,
well i hope you don't mind me posting this thread and... well i'm just really sorry :(
last night was another family arguement. but i think this was one of the worst ones. the weird thing is, me and my family go through a few weeks getting along like everything is great, but then suddenly somebody says something to my dad that he completley takes to another level. me and my sister were tired of him ease-dropping and asking us what we were talking about all the time and all we did was ask him if it would be ok if he stopped doing that. he denied it and told us how dare we say that, we've had great times together, and not to start anything up. but as usual he carried it on, after he said lets not carry it on... he just does. he just kept on coming in and out my bedroom saying "ok, this is the last thing i'll say"... and then keeps on repeating the same thing until we agree he's right and we're wrong. eventually i went outside and looked at the stars, it was amazing. to get away from all that and i was thinking about suicide again and what it would be like to be away from all this. i walked back in the house and i walked past my room where my sister was getting all the shouting and i heard my dad say to my sister "...and don't you think i'm fucked off with the fucked up things she's put me through these past 6 months" (when he said what she's put me through the past 6 months he meant with me self-harming and my suicide attempt that put me in a psychiartric ward). my sister yelled at him saying that was a disgusting thing to say. i burst out crying and went to my mum and told her. she said how that was a horrible thing to say and he said "i didn't say that". when he said it.. my confidence shattered, and after trying so hard to build it up and i felt like an idiot. i went in the room and said to him how it was really unfair of him to say that. i wanted to go outside again and look at the stars, but he slammed the door and tried to get me in the room, but when i was still trying to get out the room, he held my wrists and twisted them really hard until my mum had to take his hands away.
later on, my mum told him he wasn't aloud to see me and my sister for the rest of the night. my mum came to see us and said to me and my sister how disappointed she was of us because we started this arguement. my sister said, "what about the comment he said about alex? that was ridiculous". my mum just said "he's just tired and stressed. but girls, it's still not right what you've done and said tonight. good night". and she just left.
i then just broke down. i started crying "mum. mum. mum. mum...". but the weird thing was i wasn't thinking of my mum, i was thinking of my english teacher/class teacher (she's been helping me out with my personal problems for 2 years now...) and all i wanted was to see her and to talk to her. i really don't know why that happened...:confused:
i am thinking of attempting suicide again because i do just think "why am i still here..."
well i hope you don't mind me posting this thread and... well i'm just really sorry :(
last night was another family arguement. but i think this was one of the worst ones. the weird thing is, me and my family go through a few weeks getting along like everything is great, but then suddenly somebody says something to my dad that he completley takes to another level. me and my sister were tired of him ease-dropping and asking us what we were talking about all the time and all we did was ask him if it would be ok if he stopped doing that. he denied it and told us how dare we say that, we've had great times together, and not to start anything up. but as usual he carried it on, after he said lets not carry it on... he just does. he just kept on coming in and out my bedroom saying "ok, this is the last thing i'll say"... and then keeps on repeating the same thing until we agree he's right and we're wrong. eventually i went outside and looked at the stars, it was amazing. to get away from all that and i was thinking about suicide again and what it would be like to be away from all this. i walked back in the house and i walked past my room where my sister was getting all the shouting and i heard my dad say to my sister "...and don't you think i'm fucked off with the fucked up things she's put me through these past 6 months" (when he said what she's put me through the past 6 months he meant with me self-harming and my suicide attempt that put me in a psychiartric ward). my sister yelled at him saying that was a disgusting thing to say. i burst out crying and went to my mum and told her. she said how that was a horrible thing to say and he said "i didn't say that". when he said it.. my confidence shattered, and after trying so hard to build it up and i felt like an idiot. i went in the room and said to him how it was really unfair of him to say that. i wanted to go outside again and look at the stars, but he slammed the door and tried to get me in the room, but when i was still trying to get out the room, he held my wrists and twisted them really hard until my mum had to take his hands away.
later on, my mum told him he wasn't aloud to see me and my sister for the rest of the night. my mum came to see us and said to me and my sister how disappointed she was of us because we started this arguement. my sister said, "what about the comment he said about alex? that was ridiculous". my mum just said "he's just tired and stressed. but girls, it's still not right what you've done and said tonight. good night". and she just left.
i then just broke down. i started crying "mum. mum. mum. mum...". but the weird thing was i wasn't thinking of my mum, i was thinking of my english teacher/class teacher (she's been helping me out with my personal problems for 2 years now...) and all i wanted was to see her and to talk to her. i really don't know why that happened...:confused:
i am thinking of attempting suicide again because i do just think "why am i still here..."