In the light of my situation, I thought my friends were pathetic, but what do I say?

[rossafc92]

A month ago, my Dad commited suicide. He had been seriously mentally ill for about a year (depression that had led to severe anxiety disorders and wild changes of character), so I suppose he's at peace now, and me and my mum and brother need no longer fear for my Dad or be worried about what he may do next. We cling onto the good times before he was ill, not how he was latterly.
Anyway, I was at a party last night, which turned into a bit of a soap opera. My friend is head over heels about this girl he's been dating and going out with at one point and now currently back to just dating. At the party last night, both he and the girl he claims to be "in love" with were crying etc, when they realised how they truely felt about eachother. It's clear she likes him, but no where near as much as he likes her. Everyone was surronding the two of them in the different rooms they'd decided to weep in. All who were at the party know what happened to my Dad and the tragic circumstances related to his suicide, but the way they reacted to my friend's "crisis" made me think how pathetic they were.
Obviously, people react to things in different ways. None of them have gone through what I've gone through, so therefore I can understand as to why the attention was suddenly on the two of them and not me. Don't get me wrong, I am no attention seeker, I hate attention that is brought on by an act infront of a crowd (like the crying by my friend last night), so I tried to enjoy last night.
I really wanted to say something to my friend who was in tears - set the record straight with him about how what he's going through is nothing like the permanent loss of a loved one. But I am too level headed to voice such an argument, as like I said I didn't want attention to be brought on to me.
I am making this post to ask for advice if this situation comes up again. How do I set "the record straight" with him if he breaks down about her again? How do I voice to my other friends, my feelings about their priorities, and how pathetic some of their behavior seemed last night?

[NightFighter]

Im sorry to hear about your dad.
I understand how aggravating it must be for you but try to remember that if they have lived such a bubbled, safe life as to react so over the top like that then they have no idea how you must be feeling. They cant relate and so mabe they dont want to mention it. If there was booze at the party then that can make people over react. Maybe they just like the drama.
So, if you want to say something to your friends then its best to do it subtly so you dont offend them in any way.
Or... I dont know whether this is very good advice but maybe you could just laugh xD. For example, if a similar situation comes up again, go up to a group of them discussing it, ask them whats happened, then laugh and say "is that all?" or "It could be worse. Something tragic might have happened." I dont know how effective that will be but laughter might ease the situation.
Honestly though, this is a teenage drama so i dont expect it wont arise again. Best thing to do it to take no notice of it so no more meaningless attention is drawn.

[rossafc92]

Im sorry to hear about your dad.
I understand how aggravating it must be for you but try to remember that if they have lived such a bubbled, safe life as to react so over the top like that then they have no idea how you must be feeling. They cant relate and so mabe they dont want to mention it. If there was booze at the party then that can make people over react. Maybe they just like the drama.
So, if you want to say something to your friends then its best to do it subtly so you dont offend them in any way.
Or... I dont know whether this is very good advice but maybe you could just laugh xD. For example, if a similar situation comes up again, go up to a group of them discussing it, ask them whats happened, then laugh and say "is that all?" or "It could be worse. Something tragic might have happened." I dont know how effective that will be but laughter might ease the situation.
Honestly though, this is a teenage drama so i dont expect it wont arise again. Best thing to do it to take no notice of it so no more meaningless attention is drawn.

Thanks for the advice. A few of the people at the party were at my Dad's funeral (including the boy who was crying) so it's not as if they don't care, I realised that, just like you said - they seemed to over-react. I laughed about it to another couple of people who agreed with me that the situation was pathetic. I also said the exact words you said: "It could be worse!", to my friend when he told me why he was crying. He did though feel bad at how he was reacting in light of my situation.

Thanks for the advice, if it comes up again I'll continue with your advice.

[Grey fox]

If I can offer my opinion, something so big and tragic like the loss of a loved one can be very hard for people to grasp, whereas a standard soap-opera style relationship drama has entertainment value and everyone can relate to it.

it really, really sucks, but I don't feel there is anything you can really say other then "jeesh guys, you should be on TV" (sarcasm... i really do love it!) but also there may be a point where you may be seen to be plying for attention and sympathy (which of course you deserve) by repeatedly comparing the problems which seem so big to people at the time, to your own ones.

Is it possible to use your level-headedness to be glad for your friends that this is the most dramatic and upsetting thing in their lives at the moment?

Its just a thought, and i'm sorry if this has caused you offence or stress in anyway

:)

[NightFighter]

Thanks for the advice. A few of the people at the party were at my Dad's funeral (including the boy who was crying) so it's not as if they don't care, I realised that, just like you said - they seemed to over-react. I laughed about it to another couple of people who agreed with me that the situation was pathetic. I also said the exact words you said: "It could be worse!", to my friend when he told me why he was crying. He did though feel bad at how he was reacting in light of my situation.

Thanks for the advice, if it comes up again I'll continue with your advice.

No problem! Im glad i helped! :)

[1_21Guns]

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad.
I really understand how you feel, not for the same friends, but I had a kinda tough past, and one of my friends thinks the world is over because shes on her period (it gets more redic than that, trust me). I'm sorry, but it just dosent wash with me... anyway. That probably was upsetting for your friend, but its hard for you to understand in some ways because of what you've been through? Sometimes people just dont know how to react when something like thats happened, so they jump to react at smaller things that are easier to react to. Sorry I wasnt much help, but I really do kinda get how you feel.

[rossafc92]

If I can offer my opinion, something so big and tragic like the loss of a loved one can be very hard for people to grasp, whereas a standard soap-opera style relationship drama has entertainment value and everyone can relate to it.

it really, really sucks, but I don't feel there is anything you can really say other then "jeesh guys, you should be on TV" (sarcasm... i really do love it!) but also there may be a point where you may be seen to be plying for attention and sympathy (which of course you deserve) by repeatedly comparing the problems which seem so big to people at the time, to your own ones.

Is it possible to use your level-headedness to be glad for your friends that this is the most dramatic and upsetting thing in their lives at the moment?

Its just a thought, and i'm sorry if this has caused you offence or stress in anyway

:)

Like you say, people may think I'm looking for attention and sympathy (which I've had lots of from them), and that's what scares me because I don't like doing things like that! But things like sarcasm etc could go a long way to getting a serious point across.

About the level-headedness - I could use that and be happy that that's the big thing for them justnow, but then that makes me wonder why I'm the only one out of them going through this.

Basically, my friends do realise my situation, just what happened made me think they were being pathetic but I know they didn't mean it.