My dad's taken away who I am.

[1_21Guns]

Like the title says, he's litterally taken away who I am. (I know most of these details arn't about me as a person, but I just don't feel like myself anymore, its like somebody else is there if you get me)

My personality is something else now, I never used to be stressy and violent, but that was what I became.
I can't listen to music by certian artists, because the flashbacks it brings are impossible to get rid of.
I wont let myself like anyone incase they're like him - my friends are convinced i'm asexual, even though I know i'm not, i've just literally forgotten how to love.
The things he said to me haunt me to this day, leave me crying at night, screaming what did I do to deserve this and just generally making me fall apart.
Any way I am myself, I now have to put on, because those ways are gone.
I'm nothing. Just empty. I cant feel anything.
Who I was as a person has just gone.
I might aswell be blunt. I think i'm about a millimetre from being suicidal again. I just dont see the point anymore.
My friends are the only reason i'm still alive. And they're starting to run thin. I only have two true friends that i'm that close with they are literally the only reason I dont just go oh fuck it whats the point and kill myself. I do have other friends, but none i'm as close to as those two.
My family is just a bunch of abusive twats, and I know they care, but it dosent feel like it nowadays.
I'm tired of living. Seriously tired of it. Just wanted to vent tbh... probs in the wrong place so I can see it getting moved.

[Sapphire]

Your relationship with your friends is based on love and so you are still capable of it...regardless of what you think. Since their friendship is what is keeping you here, it is very clear that you still have something to live for as well. However much you may not want to admit that it has an effect, your knowledge that your family care (despite certain things that may occur between you) is also keeping you here.

The flashbacks and the effect that his words are having on you can be overcome but you have to fight for that victory. Get some help in doing that. Venting online won't be enough to change your life, but getting help will be if you give it a chance!

Also, the music you listen to doesn't dictate who you are. Neither do the clothes you wear, the art/sports you like or the events you attend. Who you are is determined by your values, ideals and actions - these can't be taken from you.