I have to let this out.

[Fallen_embers]

I have to let this out. I'm really sorry to rant :(

I'm so tired of feeling anxious
Tired of being treated like I'm 5
Tired of breathing, honestly atm its almost like a strain on my lungs
I'm sick of being screamed at by the voices in my head
I don't know why I'm affraid all the time
I hate feeling so tired
I don't even have the energy to brush my hair in the morning
All I want to do is curl up and cry

And the one person in the world who says he loves me, I want to be with, but I can't because I've had 3 abusive relationships now, one after the other, and I havent got the energy to cope with trying to be happy and affectionate for him.
I hate how everytime he says he loves me it makes me want to scream and push him away.
I want to tell everyone everything, but theres never the right time or place.
And what would it achieve anyway. nothing.

[NightFighter]

Aww im sorry :hug:
It sounds like you need some time alone for a while to sort yourself out. Take some time out and just do whatever you think will make you happy e.g have a duvet day, eat junk food, rent out a movie. Anything to relax you. Instead of telling "everyone everything" write it down in a letter. You dont even need to send them. It helps to get thing out of your head and onto paper.
Explain to this guy that you appreciate how much he cares for you but you just cant be in a relationship right now but its nothing to do with him. I feel this is the right thing to do for now. You need to gain the energy and strength to trust and show him the affection he needs. If he loves you then ofcourse he'll wait. Try not to think about the bad relationships you've had.
I hope things get better for you soon. Just do whats best for you for now. =]

[Fallen_embers]

Thanks :) :hug:
Just wrote everything down. It's a lot lol... feel loads better today and it's weird how I get like that sometimes, can usually push it to the back of my head and get on with stuff, damn brain lol >.<
You know. I think thats the best advice I've ever had. :)

[NightFighter]

Aww im glad i helped! =D
Hehe yeah, i tend to just write and write until i get too tired to keep going and its quite amazing how much it can help. Anyway, enjoy your new found past time and relaxation! xD

[Fallen_embers]

hahaha yeah thanks I will, just hope nobody finds them lol >.<

[teenanx94]

if this stress ever comes back and you want someone to talk to my door is always open. glad your feeling better. :-)

[Raynes]

I'm sorry that these things are happening to you. It seems like you have been through quite a bit. There are some things that are hard for us to fix on our own. If you're having trouble holding a relationship, because you're afraid, or any other number of reasons, don't be afraid to seek outside help. Not necessarily a therapist, but a family member, or friend. Sometimes the best people to talk to are the people who you don't know, and people who you never have look in the eye, confront, or meet. If you ever, ever, under any circumstances, are feeling really low, or contemplating suicide, or just need someone to talk to, and let it all out, you can contact me in any way you like. I would be glad to help, talk to you, and just be a friend when you need.

I wish you the best of luck.

Blessed be.

[kalkidude]

I'm so tired of feeling anxious
Tired of being treated like I'm 5
Tired of breathing, honestly atm its almost like a strain on my lungs
I'm sick of being screamed at by the voices in my head
I don't know why I'm affraid all the time
I hate feeling so tired

wow this is exactly how i have been feeling
the last two days have been really hard for me
like last night was insane
i really thought i was just going to become totally irrational
for now... i don't know.... i suggest what i''ll do
to try to fix me
i am going to do creative stuff
like playing a bunch of music
it's the only thing that helps me

god life is really strange sometimes
but i'm convinced it's because of the
planetary banking system
that's what has messed everything up
for everyone

okk feel better