1_21Guns
August 12th, 2009, 04:46 PM
last night I relapsed, for the second time...
I have really bad sunburn, and it really hurts, but it wasnt enough.
Last night, after being told that my mum told my dad where we were moving my friend text me and told me she had started cutting, after I have repetitively told her the past few months, it dosent solve anything.
After that, something inside me snapped, I had enough. I started looking for something to do harm with. At first I grabbed scissors, but they wern't sharp enough. That was when I noticed the pencil sharperner on my desk. So yeah, one thing led to another, and suddenly I had a razor sharp blade. That was when it went too far... I knew I couldnt really cut on my arm again, seeing as my mum would see, so I cut at the top of my leg again, if you can call it cutting. More like carving. Theres now 'HATE WHAT I AM" at the top of my leg. I knew exactly what I was doing at the time, it wasn't because of my friend, although that didn't help, its too much. I couldn't take it. I know it wasnt worth my pain, but I needed that worthless pain. And part of me dosen't want to stop. Infact I dont want to stop. I'll have too though... i'm not putting my friends through it again. I cant hurt them like that.
Meh. Just wanted to admit that i'd done it again. And tell you all i'm stopping, I hope.
I have really bad sunburn, and it really hurts, but it wasnt enough.
Last night, after being told that my mum told my dad where we were moving my friend text me and told me she had started cutting, after I have repetitively told her the past few months, it dosent solve anything.
After that, something inside me snapped, I had enough. I started looking for something to do harm with. At first I grabbed scissors, but they wern't sharp enough. That was when I noticed the pencil sharperner on my desk. So yeah, one thing led to another, and suddenly I had a razor sharp blade. That was when it went too far... I knew I couldnt really cut on my arm again, seeing as my mum would see, so I cut at the top of my leg again, if you can call it cutting. More like carving. Theres now 'HATE WHAT I AM" at the top of my leg. I knew exactly what I was doing at the time, it wasn't because of my friend, although that didn't help, its too much. I couldn't take it. I know it wasnt worth my pain, but I needed that worthless pain. And part of me dosen't want to stop. Infact I dont want to stop. I'll have too though... i'm not putting my friends through it again. I cant hurt them like that.
Meh. Just wanted to admit that i'd done it again. And tell you all i'm stopping, I hope.