BriNCee92
August 9th, 2009, 08:39 PM
I don't want anyone to become to the point I'm at, nor am I trying to promote the viewing and/or addiction to proana sites. I am simply talking about my problems with them and asking anyone who can relate to contribute their input on the matter.
I have been looking at proanorexia sites for a long time. I've known about them for a long time. They are becoming and everyday thing that I look at. I use them to inspire me, which is obsessive and sick from the outside, but inside, in my alternate universe of Briana, I am drawn in by the luxury of beauty and power. It's almost like people who are addicted to plastic surgery, both can kill and both are about altering the body is some way, shape, or form. I'm addicted to how I might, could, should look.
It all ranges from pictures called thinspo to things like quotes and diets that are ridiculous in nature but that the viewer of these sites (i.e. me) believe to work.
The part of me that controls my morals and values tells me what's safe, what keeps me alive, and the other side, the carnal greedy side that thinks about wants as needs, and needs as top priority doesn't care "how" I do it, just as long as I get the job done.
I even have a blog, that if anyone I cared about or anyone I knew saw, I'd be terribly ashamed and frankly scared to be put back in treatment again.
I have two conflicting sides inside me. I want to stop the sickness, but I've been dedicated so long that if I quit now I'll feel empty, like I've lost my favorite hobby. I want change and at the same time, want things to stay the same...
-Briana
I have been looking at proanorexia sites for a long time. I've known about them for a long time. They are becoming and everyday thing that I look at. I use them to inspire me, which is obsessive and sick from the outside, but inside, in my alternate universe of Briana, I am drawn in by the luxury of beauty and power. It's almost like people who are addicted to plastic surgery, both can kill and both are about altering the body is some way, shape, or form. I'm addicted to how I might, could, should look.
It all ranges from pictures called thinspo to things like quotes and diets that are ridiculous in nature but that the viewer of these sites (i.e. me) believe to work.
The part of me that controls my morals and values tells me what's safe, what keeps me alive, and the other side, the carnal greedy side that thinks about wants as needs, and needs as top priority doesn't care "how" I do it, just as long as I get the job done.
I even have a blog, that if anyone I cared about or anyone I knew saw, I'd be terribly ashamed and frankly scared to be put back in treatment again.
I have two conflicting sides inside me. I want to stop the sickness, but I've been dedicated so long that if I quit now I'll feel empty, like I've lost my favorite hobby. I want change and at the same time, want things to stay the same...
-Briana