Spin
August 9th, 2009, 06:56 PM
I think I've cried more than 10 different times today and all for the same reason. I'm so tired of going through this, and I know I need to get help. I'm just really scared to ask for it. School starts in 2 weeks and I really don't want to go since I've been such a wreck. This past month has probably been one of my lowest points ever. I really need to tell my dad that I need help but how do I do that? Like how would I even word it? It seems like such an awkward conversation to have...
I know I can't go on like this anymore though. My sanity is really being threatened. I feel so isolated and different from everyone. I feel completely crazy. Today I concluded that the only time I'm truely happy is when I'm sleeping because I don't have to deal with anything. I've been thinking about 'ending it' but there's really nothing to worry about because I'm way too scared to actually go through with it but still. I think that if it continues to get worse, which it has, then I will get closer and closer to actually going through with it. I hate feeling like this and I just want to go back to the time when I was normal.
I know I can't go on like this anymore though. My sanity is really being threatened. I feel so isolated and different from everyone. I feel completely crazy. Today I concluded that the only time I'm truely happy is when I'm sleeping because I don't have to deal with anything. I've been thinking about 'ending it' but there's really nothing to worry about because I'm way too scared to actually go through with it but still. I think that if it continues to get worse, which it has, then I will get closer and closer to actually going through with it. I hate feeling like this and I just want to go back to the time when I was normal.