I just want to remember how it feels...

[1_21Guns]

Okay, I've been cut free for 23 days, which i'm really proud of. But I know somewhere deep down wants to feel that relief I used to feel. The way everything would just fade away for a while. Its almost like i've blanked the bad that came from it. I see something sharp, and I cant deny that the thaught crosses my mind, then I find myself having an argument with myself. I miss that feeling, and I know I do. I keep waking up, and finding a mark on my leg, like i've been scratching/cutting myself, yet i've never cut there. I don't feel like cutting, i'm determind to stop. Yet I cant help but miss the relief it brought. I know its wrong, and I know I shouldnt start again, but I just want to remember how it felt... in a way its making me feel a failure. Like I cant move on and I have to keep holding onto a feeling I should of never felt. I've chucked the razor. I have nothing to cut with. But I miss the relief. The fake relief I crave. I know its not really relieveing anything. But I miss the way it felt like it did.

[Bougainvillea]

Don't do it, hun. It's not worth it.

[1_21Guns]

Don't do it, hun. It's not worth it.

I know its not. I've relapsed before. I just miss it, and its making me feel awful knowing I can't let myself feel like that again.

[Bougainvillea]

I understand.
In the end, there's nothing we can do but offer comfort and support. I don't know you, but I know you're strong. And I love you.
I Love You.
Becuse you're a beautiful girl, who doesn't deserve any of this pain. Stay strong, and know that cutting gets you no where.
It's all up to you. :)

[1_21Guns]

I understand.
In the end, there's nothing we can do but offer comfort and support. I don't know you, but I know you're strong. And I love you.
I Love You.
Becuse you're a beautiful girl, who doesn't deserve any of this pain. Stay strong, and know that cutting gets you no where.
It's all up to you. :)

Thanks, you're right. Not as sure about the beautiful bit =/. But thats probably just me and my extreme lack of self esteem... I wont give up, I wont let myself. But I know a tough time for me will come, maybe thats whats so annoying. Theres no doubt about it.. maybe thats just why I miss the feeling now. I dont want to be right about something like this again.

[Bougainvillea]

It's going to be okay. :)

[Harley Quinn]

we believe in you :)

[1_21Guns]

It's going to be okay. :)

I hope so...

we believe in you :)

Thanks.. its good to know.

[dstnyisurs]

Love, you don't need it. Sure, there are no other things that give relief like cutting, but there are tons of other things that feel good. :) Sugar high, getting tickled, making someone smile, sex, comfort food. The feeling will never be the same but there are other, better ways to acheive real happiness, and not the fake kind that cutting brings you.
You're strong and beautiful. (: Just remember that.

[1_21Guns]

Love, you don't need it. Sure, there are no other things that give relief like cutting, but there are tons of other things that feel good. :) Sugar high, getting tickled, making someone smile, sex, comfort food. The feeling will never be the same but there are other, better ways to acheive real happiness, and not the fake kind that cutting brings you.
You're strong and beautiful. (: Just remember that.

Thanks Kyrra. You're right. I don't need it. And deep down I know I don't.

[MadManWithaBox]

it takes time sweetheart. we're all here for you if you need to talk(pm me) and remember we're all behind you

[1_21Guns]

it takes time sweetheart. we're all here for you if you need to talk(pm me) and remember we're all behind you

thanks...

[NightFighter]

I miss it too. Just stay strong. The reason why i keep going back to cutting is because i miss the feeling so much. However, everytime i cut after not having done it in a while, the feeling is not the same. You wont feel relief. You will only feel disappointed in yourself and weaker than ever. You need to fight the urges NOW. They are all in your head. You dont need to bleed. You can get through this.
Congratulations on how long you have resisted!
It just proves you dont need S.H.

[Becky]

Wow you have no idea how much I know exactly how you feel. It's what I feel like everyday and I haven't cut for a month go outside and lie there really still and just breathe. Go somewhere with no blades or anything and just think and then go back it helps promise x

[1_21Guns]

if you havent read my thread i made a record cut today it was totally epic but i felt so shit afterwards dont do it keep fighting

I read it about 5 mins ago, and yeah I know, I guess its kinda late now though seeing as I relapsed two nights back. I havent cut since though.