i dont get it ! :'(

[Discomposure]

before is started self-harming, i always thought no i would never hurt myself and i couldn't understand why other people did. I still don't fully understand, why i do it now, i mean i know i do it to cope with things but ... oh i dunno hopefully someone will understand what i'm tryin to say. i know that it only makes things worse (SH) so why even though i know it makes things worse do i feel like its helping me? im gettin so fustrated with it, if im not cutting im thinking about cutting. But then sometimes i just think nah i don't want to do it at all, then when i do it's like what was i thinking course i want to do it... then i feel bad knowing i wanted to do it.


i'm sorry if this makes no sense at all... thats my mind at the moment... i don't really know what i want out of it. Advice maybe? err i dunno :confused::(


I have got an appointment with a mental health worker coming up soon. And i'm so worried about that ... i have a feelin i'll just say i dont know to everything he asks me, i have a tendency of doing that

[TigerLily]

I'm pretty sure I understand what you're trying to say and I wouldn't consider it 'weird' in any way, in fact I would say a lot of cutting stories start along the lines of what you've just posted.

Nobody can tell you why you want to cut, people are different and have their own reasons. But I would imagine it is something along the lines of self harm providing a sense of release for various emotions or stresses you may have going on in your life, and while cutting under no circumstances alieviates any of these issues in the long run, this could be the reason you feel so inclined to self harm.

However, cutting will only create more problems in return, and can turn into a kind of mental addiction that can be incredibly hard to break, not forgetting other consequences with regards to hiding scars/cuts from family and friends or running the risk of letting the 'rush of the blade' as it were reduce your capacity for rational thought (been there, done that), among many others.

But, you most definitely can beat cutting, you can move past this. Try and find healthier ways to deal with the issues you feel might be causing the s/h, whether that be through talking them through with loved ones, or see if you can find a new passion or hobby (such as art or writing, for example) to use as a different and healthier form of release.

The appointment with the mental health worker you mentioned, while obviously sounding daunting (again, been in a similar situation, i know its hard to talk about things that trouble you), can be a very very positive thing. Just try and stay relaxed and say what you think needs to be said, they're not there to judge, but to help. If you're worried you won't be able to say what you want to say once you're actually talking with him/her, perhaps you could try writing them down beforehand and taking that with you into the appointment. Best of luck :)

And in the meanwhile I can assure you that VT is a very supportive place, and you can be sure to find a lot of support and help here that I hope you will find a source of comfort while you're here, as I'm sure I and many other members do :) Oh, and welcomes too :) :P

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk :)

All the best,
Rachel

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Rachel has basically said it all. One thing I want to add is that you feel the longing to cut because when you do your body releases endorphins to help cope with the pain. Endorphins are released from many things like exercise, eating chocolate, laughing, even fear all release them. Because they make you feel good it's only normal to want them whenever a bad mood hits. Feel free to PM too

[Discomposure]

thanks for the replies one thing I'm going to add is that I have tried stopping once and I only went a few days without cutting but then I just did it again. When you give in and cut you just feel like there's no point and like your never going to get out of it . Well that's how I felt anyway also for some reason I feel the need to cuteven when I'm not upset...does this happen to anyone else?and why does it ? X

[Random_oso06]

hun it's that you need to cope with the cutting replace it with something else like walking or something you like and don't think that you can stop in everyone there is the will to fight if its urges, depression, or something else so you can get out of it if you try i know it sounds kinda cheese but at least try

[ocean_blue]

yer its normal, at least i feel it 2, that after a while cutting just becomes something i do, even if the reasons not clear at the time. i dont have 2 be angry 2 consider it anymore.
i think its endorphins like PoisonedRazorBlades said- cos ur body gets used 2 it as a gd feeling.
im no expert tho, thats just wot i think!
i agree with the others, finding something else 2 do helps- theres a hole list of great distractions somewhere (its in a sticky or sumthing).
PM me anytime x

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=48802 That thread lists some things that you can do.

And yeah, I know how you feel, I feel the need to cut a lot, even when I'm in a great mood. I'm not sure why. Maybe because its an addiction to me. I'm not sure.

[Discomposure]

thanks for all the replies so quick, helps me know im not alone if anything i'll have a look at that other things to do but sometimes i just feel like i don't want other things to do, i'd rather cut. not all the time though and i'll let you guys know how my appointment goes :):) x

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

That's good. And of course you're not alone love, we're all here for you. xD Good luck with the appointment