i need to...

[YesterdaysNews]

i need to cut... i need to feel that release but i cant. if my mom sees im screwed. i dont know what to do. i keep looking at my wrist and my legs but shes started checking me... i dont know what to do. im going to break, i can feel it but im scared... she cant find out. my mom will take my phone and cut me off from the world (the internet is where i vent, its my world) i cant lose that. but i need the pain...


i need help....

[Harley Quinn]

Pm me if you need to
Its okay everyone has the urge you have to be strong and overcome it.you can do it i believe in you

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Try to keep yourself busy hun

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks but i really dont think i can this time... ive put it off for 3 or 4 days, its just gotten too hard

[Harley Quinn]

Throw your blade of whatever away it might help, do the 10 minuate game keep going until the urge is gone, write what you feel down and ripe up the paper

[YesterdaysNews]

I'll try... but everything has built up inside me, breaking me down...

[Harley Quinn]

Pm anytime
It happens to everyone but try to resist it

[YesterdaysNews]

ive resorted to my stash of junk food but im running out... i know this isnt healthy but its better than cutting, right?

[Harley Quinn]

Yeah it is in a way.buy some more or cut up fruit like an apple because the skin can act like your own.see if you can last all night without cutting

[YesterdaysNews]

alright. ive never had an urge this bad before, its scaring me. just one cut cant hurt...

[Harley Quinn]

It can because it can lead onto more,why do you have the urge so bad

[YesterdaysNews]

pressure from my friends and this group that my friends sister and her friend are starting, and my mom. and my friend sam not liking my boyfriend and all that shit with him and.... i cant take it

[Harley Quinn]

Basically what happened last night.?..,your mom is she being overprotective or something?you can fight it i believe in you

[YesterdaysNews]

yeah sort of. shes making me do something that i dont want to do and everythings just built up inside of me like a dam of emotion and hurt

[Harley Quinn]

:hug: parents are like that they think you want to do something when they can see clearly you dont,try to relax and stay calm you can beat this

[YesterdaysNews]

im trying... im too weak. i always fall apart. im sitting infront of a mirror and all i see are flaws....

[Harley Quinn]

We all have bad days, think of all the things you love and smile and see you are stronger than this

[YesterdaysNews]

what i love doesnt love me back... i caved... one cut on my thigh. im just letting it bleed :( im a failure

[Harley Quinn]

Your not a failure your just human it happens, try to love what your about and who you are

[YesterdaysNews]

i hate what ive become though. and i cant change, i try but it doesnt work

[wildeyed]

put on some shoes and go for a run. the fresh air and endorphins released through
exercise will put you on a natural high.. or at least make you too tired to do anything
by the time you get home

[Removed]

Well, first off if your mother finds out (i don't wanna say this) but it will be better if she cuts you off the world, and i am sure she won't be that hard on you...

Just try and talk to her, maybe she can help, i learned to rely on my parents a bit more than before, and it helped me..

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

cutting is something you do, not who you are just remember that. and im sure ur a wonderful person so dont let cutting make u feel like ur not. and maybe instead of waiting for your mom to find out try telling her shes probably scared. A lot of parents (like mine) dont understand cutting and totally freak out, so maybe u can use this as an oppertunity to clear things up with her. and if talking to her is hard there are always school counselors and therapists and websites like this one :)

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks everyone...

i cant talk to my mom. its not that I dont want to but I physically cant. everytime when she sits me down to talk, when i try to tell her my feelings and why i do this, tears come pouring down my face and i cant speak... its hard

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

well maybe you should approach your mom with the idea of a therapist b.c. then ur mom will know that ur serious about getting help and you'll have someone you can be comfortable talking to (thats what i did, and im pleased to note its working well)

[YesterdaysNews]

she wants me to see one but im not thrilled with the idea... i cant talk to someone face to face about my problems...

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

yeah, it sounds intimidating but personally, therapy has helped me so much. I strongly encourage you to give it a shot, i find it easier to talk to her (my therapist) than to use these websites b.c. i can be 100% sure she wont judge me. however, it took me 2 tries to click, so if you feel like somethings wrong dont be afraid to tell ur mom, b.c. the only way u can get good treatment is if u feel comfortable with ur therapist :)

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks for the advice^
i'll try...
things just seem to be getting worse and worse... im tired of feeling this way :(

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

well whats goin on thats makin you wanna cut so bad? :/

[YesterdaysNews]

my boyfriend thinks he doesnt matter to me and hes pushing me away. my friends are oblivious to everything (except one). my mother is just making things worse, she doesnt trust me and she takes my phone away, which makes the stress between my boyfriend and I even worse... :(

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

yeah boyfriends suck :/ i think u should bitch about ur bf to ur friends (that always helps me :]) and try and find some things to do by yourself that can make you happy, maybe take up baking (its very rewarding) and about your cell fone, what happens happens, hell maybe it'll be more relaxing without stressing over his cryptic guy-speak :)

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks :]
yeah i do (bitch)
maybe... hes jealous of my friends... i dont know why, especially my male ones. but they should be jealous of him, right? (im not trying to sound concieted)

[StrawberryCyanide]

don't give up sweetie. don't give up. just stay strong, you are better than this, better than cutting. everyone gets urges, its completely normal. and if your mum is going to take things away from you if you cut, then shes going about it all the wrong way. talk to her, tell her that it wont help you. tell her how it makes you feel. she could talk to a councellor or something and get advice on how to help you stop without making you feel this way. good luck with everything. x

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

thanks :]
yeah i do (bitch)
maybe... hes jealous of my friends... i dont know why, especially my male ones. but they should be jealous of him, right? (im not trying to sound concieted)

Yes they should be jealous of him:) your a great person with a great personality and you really don't need this jealousy shit, but i guess theres really nothing you can do except tell your boyfriend that there's a reason HE'S the boyfriend and their not (i've been in this situation and i feel your pain). Oh and I like what MissImperfect said about how cutting wasn't some bad habit that could be shaken by punishment, so if its still hard for you to talk to your mom maybe you should print out some information on cutting (or even better, a pamphlet) and leave it on her nightstand or bed so she can read it and hopefully understand it [your cutting] better :)

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks :] both of you guys.
maybe I will do that (the info idea) i was thinking about it before. my mom really doesnt know anthing about self harm and what not. shes probably researching it but only reading information from a professional point of veiw, probabaly not a self harmers point of veiw.

[SincEreLyYeLLiNgBaCk]

yeah, go for it! i wish i had thought to do that :/ my mom knows virtually nothing about cutting so she either tries to ignore it and let me tell her everythings alright or freak out and get all disgusted by me :/ but yeah you should definitely leave her some info that reflects how you feel :)

[YesterdaysNews]

thanks alot for your help :]

[Amyxoxo]

Nextr time you have a craving like that then keep flicking yourself with el
astic bands, it gives you relif with no cuts or scars :)
I feel like that most of the time :)
Amyxoxo

[Underground_Network]

I agree with pretty much everything that's been said here Amanda, but you know that if you need someone to talk to, I'm certainly here for you. ^_^

You're an amazing girl and you shouldn't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. You shouldn't feel so distraught. Your life will get better, just give things some time.

And in the mean time, if you need someone to bitch to or to rant to, I'm here. You can tell me anything, I won't judge. I'll just be here to comfort you. You're beyond amazing Amanda. ^_^ You truly are. :hug:

Don't ever give up. And don't ever give in. And know that if no one else seems to care, I care, and I always will.

[Darkness]

I also think you're doing well your resilience is commendable.