Tears In London Town...

[TigerLily]

Bleh, this is a thread I don't want to make, I'm trying not to think about it, but I think I need the advice.
And I guess if I'm going on Friday, I need to open this thread now >_<

So I have this London trip, from Friday til Monday.
With my mother, who has abused me my whole life, and has been causing a number of serious problems lately, more than her usual self.
And I'm shit scared, I haven't seen her face to face in months, and I'm worried I'm going to snap at her or break down or something...
There will be nobody else there besides me, her and my little sister, so I'm pretty much going to be alone.

I'm just worried about how this is going to fit in with my current mental state, which isn't exactly great.

Anyone got any advice on how not to let her affect me?

[Sapphire]

:hug3:

Sorry for not having any great words of wisdom but wanted to give you some support.

Are you able to get away from her at all (even just for half an hour) if you need to while in London?
Do you have someone who you can be in regular contact with while you're having to deal with your mum?

*sends you warm, safe huggles*

[TigerLily]

Aww Carole, thankyou, it means a lot.
:hug:

To answer your question, no I won't be able to get away, a) because she wouldn't let me and b) because I couldn't leave my sister alone with her.

I guess I'll have my phone with me but even then I have nobody besides my dad and grandparents to call who knows about her abuse. But saying that, last time I went anywhere with her I got my phone confiscated, and my dad drove for 4 hours to take me home. Only this time I'm going to have to stick it out.

EDIT: I just found out my Nana's coming too. The second person who'd like to see me under one of those red buses. Fuck, they feed off each other to make it worse...

[Sapphire]

Is she awful to your sister too?
You could use this situation to really gel with your sister. You can support each other and use your mutual dislike for your mum as a uniting point.

I'm sorry that your Nana will be there as well and that things will be worse because of it. Does she give you and your sister a hard time or just you?

You can try calling your dad in the evenings as another way of venting.
Maybe taking a journal to write in will help you cope with her as well.
If you want it then I can give you my phone number for you to be able to talk or get some additional support.

[TigerLily]

She's a bitch to her too, but to a lesser extent, her being the better sister and all.
And because she has reasons to hate me as opposed to my sister.
Hopefully you're right and this will make mine and my sister's relationship stronger, I really like the thought of something positive coming out of this... but she tends to close off a lot, her method of dealing with it all I suppose. *sighs*

My Nana hates me because I supposedly "ruined her daughter's life" and am "a selfish bitch".

All this because I told my dad part of what my mother was doing to me and subsequently she lost her marriage, but she hated me before that anyway, so I'm not quite sure of the reason exactly.

I'm going to try not to call my dad so as not to worry him, but I might be too selfish for that, idk.

And thankyou again so much Carole, I really really don't want to be a bother to you, but I might PM you later in the week for that number if it isn't completely a nuisance? Seriously, thankyou.

[Sapphire]

Aww, it's ok.

Ugh, they sound like a lovely duo :rolleyes:

If your sister has a habit of closing off then try to engage her on the topic. If she gets treated badly as well then chances are there a few choice things she'd have to say on the topic and you could well turn out to be great in keeping each other sane.

Confiding in your dad isn't selfish. He loves you and would want to know how you are.

Of course you can pm me for it, the offer isn't limited to the here and now :)

[Beautiful Obsession]

cant youu tel your dad about your worries? maybe he wouldn't make you go?

[TigerLily]

Wow, i actually can't believe this, I'm so happy! xD

So, after months of this hanging over my head, its now not going to happen! And today was the day I was so scared, ooooooooh, im so high right now XD

Sooooo, the psych hospital my mother is currently in just changed their mind and aren't letting her out! I just got a phone call and I'm going with my Dad and sister, literally minutes after praying about this!

Oooooh, I'm so happy right now XDXDXD!

*dances around room* xD

[Sapphire]

:woot:

That's great news!

[nick]

*HUG*

[peaceloverugby]

Well that's grand news! :hug:

[The Joker]

YAY Rachel!

YAY!

[TigerLily]

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
Proof that my mother is a bitch:

Now she is coming after all.
So we can all safely say she was lying the last time.
Just to get my hopes up.
Then shatter them all over again.
Fucking. Bitch.
This is pretty much her life, fucking over other people's emotions in her fucking twisted little game... bloody hate her...

[Sapphire]

:hug3:
Oh God. I'm so sorry!
Is your dad still going to go or has everything reverted back to the old plan?

[The Batman]

If it really makes you feel uncomfortable they tell your dad and try to get out of going or try and get someone else that you trust to go. If not then whenever you feel out of sorts just go to the bathroom, sit down, and breath for a while.

[TigerLily]

:hug3:
Oh God. I'm so sorry!
Is your dad still going to go or has everything reverted back to the old plan?

Yep, same old plan.

If it really makes you feel uncomfortable they tell your dad and try to get out of going or try and get someone else that you trust to go. If not then whenever you feel out of sorts just go to the bathroom, sit down, and breath for a while.

Thanks Thomas, but I can't get out of going without leaving my sister alone with my mother and I don't think there is anyone else I could trust enough to look after her; it would just kill me if I found out my sister had been hurt and I hadn't been there to try and protect her. But thanks for the advice, I'll bear that in mind, I'm just trying to stay positive about it all at the moment. Hell, I lasted 12 and a half years of this day-in, day-out, 3 days is nothing.. right?

[The Batman]

I think you're strong enough to do it. Just remind yourself that you are a stronger person than you were. :hug:

[TigerLily]

Thanks Thomas. :)
You're right, I can do this.
*sighs* I think I'm a weaker person now that I used to be, but that's irrelevant.

It will be fine. She can't hurt me if I don't let her.

:hug:

[peaceloverugby]

It will be fine. She can't hurt me if I don't let her.


Exactly what I wanted to hear! Have to keep a positive mental attitude. Writing "PMA" on my hand usually helps me keep a positive mental attitude.

[TigerLily]

^ Mhmm, me likes positivity xD
I'm not delluding myself that she won't do all the sorts of awful things I know she will, but I can stay positive knowing that I am better than such things, and that it'll all be over soon enough (:

[Natoja12]

have you told ur dad yet? Like that u dont want to go?

[TigerLily]

Nope, not gonna happen.

[Truth]

Nope, not gonna happen. Unless you talk to some one about it, no one can help. =/

[CairAndros]

First off I offer my heartfelt sorrow towards your tale that you have told us here, at an obviously great personal cost - it is no easy thing to talk about events of this magnitude. Secondly, I would urge you to seek whatever help you can get. We, here on the site, will help as much as we can with supportive messages and suchlike but I really do think that you should tell your dad and tell him how scared you are and that you need help immediately. Take your sister and run as it were. The police are another option that you could try, they would have to listen to you but if you were thinking of doing that then creating a journal of events or even showing them this page would help you enormously. Stay strong.

[TigerLily]

Telling people would hurt my father even more, and I can't do that to him.
Plus, she's a real bitch, she'd find a way to fight back, I know it...

So... less than 24 hours...

I will be fine...

[TigerLily]

Aww, thanks John (:

There ya go:

:hug:

:P

[TigerLily]

That made me smile, thankyou, +rep (:

[peaceloverugby]

Too bad it's your mom....i can't beat up a woman. Otherwise, i'd be in London tomorrow waiting to help.

Anyways, I know you can do it, you're a much better person than her.

Edit: like i said before, it's all in the positive mental attitude

[TigerLily]

So I'm off now.
Be back Monday.
Wish me luck...

[Aηdy]

Good luck hun, remember what you and I said on msn :hug:

[Sapphire]

Good luck! x

[meaghanlovesu]

try to stay calm im so sorry for you

[Removed]

Good luck, and i agree with John, you deffenetly do not deserve being threated like this.

[TigerLily]

So.. she's back (:

Surprisingly, it went ok. She was the same bitch she always was, and the emotional abuse was most definitely still there, but in a way it was a positive experience. I did something I hadn't really done before, mainly because my sister was there and I didn't want to ruin her trip, and took everything she gave me with a smile that you could see made her want to be sick (an added benefit, I must admit xD). And it was ok. It reminded me of a strength I'd forgotten I had. She didn't hurt me because I didn't let her. And it felt really, really good xD

Sure, I wanted to go home, I wanted to get away from her, I wanted it to all be over and at times I wanted to cry.. but I didn't want to spill any tears over her, and so I didn't. The time for that in my life has gone, and is travelling further in the distance each passing day.

Another both weird and awesome thing is that there was feeling like I could actually feel the presence of those people who loved me right there with me. I don't really know how to explain it... but it was great, and it helped me a lot. Those are the people who are influencing my life now, not her. She is my past, and they are my present. And I'm thinking the present is getting better by the day, and that I'm going to make the future pretty fucking awesome xD

She won't play any part in it.

And to anybody who has been/is being abused, you CAN get over it, and they won't always win. Sometimes it seems like it, and I know how immeasurably hard it can be.. but you just have to ride the storm, and know it will be better someday. Because it will.

So right now I'm feeling pretty good, and just to say thankyou to everyone who posted in this thread, I didn't think I'd hardly get a response, and it really did help me when I was worrying bout the trip beforehand. Love you guys :P :hug:

Wow, shawwy for long post :P

[Sapphire]

Well done for taking away such a positive attitude and approach from this situation! This realisation is possibly one of the most liberating ones you will make for many years to come.
You should be proud of yourself, Rachel!

[Aηdy]

I know we already spoke yesterday, but well done hun :)