Archbishop slams online friendships

[TigerLily]

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090802/tuk-archbishop-slams-online-friendships-6323e80.html

Archbishop slams online friendships

Social networking websites such as Facebook and MySpace encourage teenagers to build "transient relationships" that can leave them traumatised and even suicidal when they collapse, the head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales has warned.

Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols also expressed concern about the rise of individualism in society.

He described footballers who break their contracts to move to other clubs for bigger salaries as "mercenaries" and said moves to loosen laws on assisted suicide were particularly worrying.

His comments in The Sunday Telegraph follow the inquest into the death of 15-year-old Megan Gillan, a student at Macclesfield High School in Cheshire who took a fatal overdose of painkillers after being bullied on social networking site Bebo.

Archbishop Nichols said the sites encouraged young people to put too much emphasis on the number of friends they have rather than on the quality of their relationships.

"Among young people often a key factor in them committing suicide is the trauma of transient relationships," he said. "They throw themselves into a friendship or network of friendships, then it collapses and they're desolate."

He continued: "It's an all or nothing syndrome that you have to have in an attempt to shore up an identity - a collection of friends about whom you can talk and even boast. But friendship is not a commodity, friendship is something that is hard work and enduring when it's right."

Archbishop Nichols said the internet and mobile phones were "dehumanising" community life and that relationships had been weakened by the decline in face-to-face meetings.

"I think there's a worry that an excessive use or an almost exclusive use of text and emails means that as a society we're losing some of the ability to build interpersonal communication that's necessary for living together and building a community.

"We're losing social skills, the human interaction skills, how to read a person's mood, to read their body language, how to be patient until the moment is right to make or press a point. Too much exclusive use of electronic information dehumanises what is a very, very important part of community life and living together."

[Bougainvillea]

Haha. That sucks.

[Sapphire]

I agree with the Archbishop's sentiment completely tbh.

[ShatteredWings]

In some ways i agree, but it's also like saying "you can't have friends, persiod" because any friendship can break up and be distroyed, there's always been bulying irl, it's not new, we just have a wider group of people we can befrend now

[Zephyr]

He brings up a lot of good points that I agree with, especially about people losing social skills. Internet is by no means a replacement for actual friendships. I know a few people who make the internet their whole dang life, and it's not healthy at all.

[Jean Poutine]

He's right.

Contrary to popular beliefs, internet is srs bsns to some people. It shouldn't be.

[Gumleaf]

i agree with a lot of what the archbishop says and i have learnt the lessons he has mentioned here the hard way.

[Sage]

I'm gonna step out and play Devil's Advocate (No pun intended!) here and disagree. Srsly.

I'm not gonna lie- My social life as a child sucked. I never got along with that many people in elementary school and I always found myself being the outsider or oddball among other kids. There are simply things kids do that I never cared for, and so I spent all my time on videogames and the internet.

Around 10 or 11 or so, I found myself on an online forum or two and online game and made a number of decent acquaintances. The internet isn't like real life, though- You put your ass out there, you're going to get fucking spanked. Young kids aren't really respected that much on the internet, so a couple text-based scoldings from anonymous people online really smartened me up.

The problem with society and real life I find is that you're absolutely limited in who you may hang out with and call your own. Schools seperate people based on grade levels which are (Lest you should fail) based on your age. What good can you learn from people exactly your age? What good can you learn from people who have no more life experience than you do? The majority of my friends these days are college students and I learn a lot of valuable lessons when I sit down and have a little chat with them.

Online you have no fear of being judged, if a person is bothersome, they are only a few clicks away from playing no further part in your day. You can speak freely and emotionally and cry while you type and no one will know about all the silly facial expressions you may make while sharing your thoughts. Friends I've known online for years have supported me through thick and thin and have always been able to put a smile on my face and get the blood flowing in my heart when I've had a rough day. I can genuinely say they are people I love, and I can say that right to their faces. No one I've ever met in real life, even amongst their own social groups, ever says they love one another. There's too much insecurity.

And deteriorating social skills? Pardon me? I am by far the most well mannered, sincere, considerate, and peaceful among my peers at school, if not a little eccentric. That is the problem in real life- The nail that sticks out is hammered down. On the internet, it is eccentric, peculiar, avant-garde people who thrive. Having heart-to-heart conversations freely and openly online with many of my friends has made me feel so much better about being the way I am, who I am, that not a day goes by where I would wish to live as normal teenagers live.

We live in an absolutely amazing, fantastic world. There are so many brilliant and heartwarmingly friendly, inspirational people out there that it boggles my mind. To speak to people who hold different values and cultures and life experiences from all around the world is a very eye-opening experience to me and hardly twenty (or less?) years ago, it would've been absolutely impossible for someone such as myself to indulge in the wonders of other people in other lands. In this day and age, why one would choose to limit their experiences and friendships to a tiny patch of dirt and buildings that make up their down is a mystery to me. To choose between being a global influence upon many people or to choose being a local influence and rarely knowing the people of other corners of the world is a choice that so many people these days don't even think about.

Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols also expressed concern about the rise of individualism in society.

The rise of individualism in society? That's a bad thing? This man stands for old ways of thinking that have done nothing but tear down the eccentric, brilliant people of the world who simply don't happen to fit in. All great changes in the world have been started by people who have thought differently, people who may not have quite fit into the mould of society, and this is something we have to be concerned about?

Those are my thoughts on this issue. Have a nice day everyone, I hope this has been insightful.

[Sapphire]

The Archbishop is comparing the quality of relationships now and before Western countries became so individualistic in focus. People weren't as physically isolated as they are today because they got out of the house and into social situations more. The support they got from their community was generally better because everyone knew everyone else and would check up on each other if someone wasn't seen for a day or two. Nowadays in individualist societies people can go without being seen for a week or two without their neighbours, friends etc being overly concerned. This whole notion is supported by the finding that collectivist societies have higher rates of pro-social behaviour than individualist societies.
The different focuses of these societies has nothing to do with persecuting people. In fact people are less likely to be persecuted in a collectivist society because the focus is not on what separates the individual from everyone else but what unites them.

Using the internet to replace social interactions in real life isn't a good, healthy way to do so and does cause problems.
The lonely were more likely to use the Internet to modulate negative moods, and to report that their Internet use was causing disturbances in their daily functioning.
-- Source (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6VDC-48H869C-1&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=73d27685df7f663c4674ae072d755f51)In study 2, structural equation modeling revealed that Internet use driven by Socio-Affective Regulation (SAR) negatively influences psychological well-being by first reducing social integration
-- Source (http://www.liebertonline.com/doi/abs/10.1089/109493101753376678)