It's been getting worse...

[The Batman]

I've thought about killing myself multiple times in the past two weeks. I'm sitting right now with a bottle of pills beside me and not 2 minutes ago i had it all emptied out in my hand trying to get the courage to swallow it. Last week I actually sent out some messages to a few people in case i wouldn't make it through the night. I don't want to die yet, but I really dont' want to live either(how fucked up is that lol). The worst part about it is that I have no reason to feel this way right now. Today has been a really good day one of the best in a long time, but it's still not stopping this. Really i just don't know what I want anymore. I have no reason to live, my nephew lives hundreds of miles away, I never see my niece, my family hates me, and I hate myself so I have nothing left. Why the hell am I still trying? What the fuck am I still doing here?

[foof1]

Life has it's ups and downs and your just in a down part. Things can't stay bad forever. What you should do is try and fix what you don't like.

Now about the commiting suicide, there are several reasons why not to.

To have a family member commit suicide is probably one of the most painful things that can happen to someone, so think of your family. It doesn't matter if they seem to hate you. It will still hurt.

Right now take a moment and breath. Thing about how good that feels. Feel the air passing in and out of your lungs. It feels good.

Think of all the things you love like food and your favorite activities.

Think about the future. There is so much out there and it is in your control. If you want you could do something completely spontaniuos like joining the Peace Corps or moving to the other side of the country and starting a new. If your not in school go to a JC and work to make your future better and easier. Who knows, you might fall in love.

Just think about it. There is more to be lost than gained.

[nachtspiegel]

I'm not the greatest person as to say "why not?"
The only thing that I can add right now is that whenever you want to or feel the need to, call me. Text me. Whatever works for you.
You have my number and you know I'll pick up or write back.
If I'm working, I'll return your call as soon as I'm off.

I'm here for you, and I don't want to see you go down like that.

[The Batman]

Thank's guys I don't know why but it's just that sometimes when I'm up at night by byself I just start getting these thoughts going through my head and i don't know it just makes me feel lower than anything.

[Bougainvillea]

You can't think like that Thomas. It does you absolutely no good. You're a strong guy. I know. You're smart and mature. Keep your mind busy. And think happy thoughts. You can do it. Keep your chin up. :)