I'm the secret lover.

[Hughesy]

I met this girl who is simply amazing, I get along with her great and she's really gorgeous. We've been out to the movies and we hang out a lot, she's stayed at my house, and me at hers, it usually results in us sleeping in the same bed and cuddling. I wasn't aware that she had a boy friend though. I'm so lost as to what to do, I told her I love her which I don't tell people, she's the second person ever, and that I want to be with her more than anything in the world. She looks at me with her glassy blue eyes and tells me. I was shattered but tried to keep the friendship together, I still loved her.

I spoke with her boy friend who lives a fair distance away and he seems like a cool enough guy but I can't help but dislike him, she tells me I'm funnier, better looking and nicer than him but I don't want to hurt anyone. Trying to still be friends with her I saw her the day after she told me and she tried to kiss me, I kinda stepped back and said that I couldn't do it, I spoke to her later and said that it was for the best that we don't see each other, I don't want to cause trouble between her and her boyfriend.

She tells me how selfish I am, and asks why I couldn't just deal with it? I was trying to do the right thing, I don't know if I can resist her if she tries to do anything like that more than once, but she continues to tell me I'm selfish and that she really hates me for throwing the friendship back at her. Normally I would nark up and tell her she's out of line, but I still love her and don't want to hurt her so I tell her ok and we go to friend status, I tell her we need to talk in person about it and she's coming to my place tomorrow.

This is where I'm worried, I honestly want to talk to her seriously about how we can make it work so that no one gets hurt and everyone can be happy, but she's mentioned how we're going to snuggle and watch movies and I'm trying to stay firm in saying no, we can't do that, but I'm finding it so hard and don't know if I'll be able to say no if she comes on to me, what do I do?

[YesterdaysNews]

try explaining to her that she cant have the best of both worlds. if she wants to be with you as more than friends, she'll have to end it with her boyfriend. explain that you dont want to be "the other man". you can still have a close friendship but you'll have to lay down some ground rules when you're together if she doesnt want to break up with her boyfriend.
hope this helps :] im kinda crap at advice giving

[Kaius]

Well for one, well done for breaking it off. Although it may sound harsh, its probably for the best at the moment. The last thing you'd need is her boyfriend finding out, or something more happening between you and she decides to break it off. If im totally honest from reading what you posted, it seems she is the selfish one for what she has done to not only you, for not telling you, but to her boyfriend too. I think the best idea is that although it doesnt seem a good idea, invite her round to watch a movie, and have a talk to her either before hand or after about how you're feeling about it all.

I hope this helps you, im not good with relationship advice lol :P
Best of luck!

[thedudeman]

good choice breaking it off man you have balls and i give you props for that, ive been in the same exact situation except i didn't break it off, and i ended up heartbroken and torn up beyond belief, and then after she was done with me, she just went back to her old boyfriend, this girl sounds like bad news, i wouldn't even consider dating a cheater if i was you, she might do the same thing to you and that shits hard to leave behind especially since love is so hard to find, but its probably for the best, give us an update on how that shit went down

[Beautiful Obsession]

this is tough bcuz you dont want to ruin your friendship - but tell her how hard shes makin it for you because i love her - but dont want to be her bit on the side but want to stay friends, tell her that whatever you do or say you feel your wrong, theres nothing wrong in having a cuddle and watchin a movie together as friends, but just tell her straight, thats as far as it goes..

good luck bbe x

[BlackenedSilver]

Well done for having the guts to break it off. She needs to make a choice, whether she wants him or you. If you are better looking, nicer and funnier than him and she is willing to admit that then she can't like him that much, In my opinion.
She is the one being selfish, she is obviously only thinking of herself as she is not thinking about his feelings really because if he finds out about you and her he would be much more heartbroken than he would be if she just broke up with him. Though I guess through her eyes it would be more hurtful to break up with him, but still you aqre not selfish at all as you are willing to put yourself through the pain of not being with her.

Talk to her about it, give her a choice you or him. If she chooses him then Its your choice to either walk away or Make the friendship keep working. But you should make it clear to her that it is not okay to use people like that.
Hope it works out.