Hopeless Shattered and now Ruined....

[MysticalBurrito]

I won't and can't last...
I'm fading to the background...
My "friends" say I'm a poser for coming out about my cutting...
I'm done trying to find out who I am...
I'm done trying to survive...
My cutting is what kept me sane..
Now I don't even have that :(
I don't care if it kills me at least then I wouldn't have to walk around being such a fake...
I don't let anyone see me cry...
Two nights ago I was held in the arms of a friend and I cried for the whole night
He didn't care that his shoulder was covered in tears
But he lives two hours away...
I feel so hopeless I promised him I won't cut...
But the pain inside is too much to handle now...
I wish that somehow someone would ask me if I'm ok...
I help others but I can't help myself...
:(

[ackmedsgirl666]

thats a very beautiful post
so the pain you feel is because you promised your friend you wouldn't cut, is that right?
i recently experienced something like this where my my boyfriend got fed up because when i felt the same way as you, but instead i gave in and he dumped me because he wanted nothing to do with it. truth be told i know how you feel. hang in there there is hope :)

[Triceratops]

Karina, I know you're going through a horrible, rough patch right now. Listen to me when I say this, you will make it through, it may seem like forever but it will happen.

I know how you feel, in fact, I know exactly how you feel because I experience this myself. It's all so simple helping others, yet we can't control or help ourselves.

I don't speak of my despair in life to others, ever. I let it all build up inside me. I don't want people to know about any kind of pain I go through, I never talk about it. I would never, ever advise anyone else to be like that. I understand how you feel when people don't ask if you're okay. People know there is something wrong with me, yet almost no one questions it or asks about it, but personally I am fine with that.

I am somewhat in the exact same boat as you, especially when it comes to the self-harm and bulimia. It's hard, I know. Each day is a tough struggle, not one fucking day passes by where I don't think about hurting myself or making myself throw up. I want to help others, yet not myself. I don't care about myself and I know I should. I know I'm giving others grief if I go ahead and do these things to myself but I just feel like I can't do it. Just try to remember that I really do understand what it's like.
:hug: