Scared about talking to friends about gay stuff?

[MoveAlong]

Have you ever been scared to talk to your friends about something pro-gay?

Even on facebook, saying something pro-gay?

I'm scared to say any of that stuff. I think they'll think I'm gay (which I am, but they don't know that) or hate me because of my opinion. Is that right? hmmm.

[The Harlequin]

I know exactly how you feel...
For example, is it wrong to feel okay about putting a kiss on the end of a post to a guy on Facebook or via text?

It seems ludicrous, but when you actually think about how the person might react... i dunno either, I try not to as I feel I'm flouting some sort of unspoken etticate that applies to dudes...

But then when I write it down like this it just feels like I'm making too much fuss about it... This IS confusing (8^~

[MoveAlong]

But then when I write it down like this it just feels like I'm making too much fuss about it... This IS confusing (8^~

yeah I know how you feel. It sometimes seems like if you actually say something or write it down or type it, you feel like you're bitching and making way too big of deal about it.

[The Joker]

I agree. I definitely sometimes want to say "That guy is cute", but I can't because I'm not out.

[Sceneboy612]

I am the same way, The reason of why i dont say anything pro-gay, is because of my fear of rejection. Only one person knows who i actually like, and who i actually am because of me being gay.... It sucks being gay sometimes =[

[electric_feel01]

I totally understand! But I just try to put everyone else's opinions aside and just put what I want! I think everyone should have the privilege to say how they feel on something without having assumptions formed!

[YourFriend]

I'm the same:(, i don't understand why some societies are so homophobic.

[ShatteredWings]

not scared, in that sence
But most of my friends look at me funny
don't expect much public on my facebook/myspace/w.e since jobs *can* look those up (it's stupid, i know, but i'm not getting fired because someone is stupid)

[The Harlequin]

I agree. I definitely sometimes want to say "That guy is cute", but I can't because I'm not out.

But hey ~ on the bright side that is one failsafe way of telling someone your orientation, or at least bringing up that must awkward of conversations (:^,

[The Joker]

I already have a plan to come out to my mom. I know exactly what I'm going to say.

[wisse2012]

well i was always afraid and my best friend i came clean to and he now wants nothing to do with me and this is the same kid who huged me and held my hand when i was crying

[peaceloverugby]

Well, I'm bi, and I've only come out to three people so I'm not exactly Harvey Milk. But the most public pro-gay thing I've done was give a high five to everyone who was silent on which ever day it was where people didn't talk all day to protest homophobia.

[1_21Guns]

Hm. I'm not gay personally, but I dont have a problem with people who are gay. I see them as humans and nothing else. I have to admit I watch what I say near some friends, because they are homophobic and I know they'd think I was gay, especially seeing as i've never been out with anyone. Homophobia really annoys me. I don't see the point. Anyway, before I start ranting...

[clr9823]

I have basically decided to "eff the world" when it comes to this sort of stuff. If I want to say a pro-gay comment, or admit I am bisexual on facebook, I will just do it and screw what anybody else thinks. So no, I am not afraid to talk about it.

I came out to my close friend first (and admitted I fancied him... long story) and he was cool with it. Most of my friends know that I consider myself to be 'bi-sexual' and we joke about it quite often, but it isn't something I make a big deal of. I only think it freaks out people if you make it a big deal. I suppose I'm lucky to have good, non homophobic, friends though.

[Huskyboy132]

Luckily i live in a city that has a gay mayor :). I came out to 17 people if im correct and i absolutely hate that i cant make any gay comments cuz people at my school are like.. Nils ur so f***ing gay.. and im like.. How am i ever gonna be able to come out if people disrespect me for stuff i didnt do.. :/.. Homophobia should be illegal.. Srsly it would make OUR lives so much freaking easier.

[The Joker]

Depending where you live, it IS illegal.

[Poker Face]

Depending where you live, homosexuality is illegal too :P

Anyways, just find friends that will accept you for who you are.. with friends you should be relaxed and not hesistating to say something or pretending something you are not.

[The Harlequin]

Geeezzz! You wouldn't know it was the bloody 21st Century, would you?
Stupid heathen homophobes...

I know "they're allowed their opinion" but then anyone could use that to excuse outrageous behaviour, example racists. And that is just not on, I don't care what you say...

[Blue63]

Oh yeah, I definitely feel that same tension as you do, I'm not gay (just kinda curious) but my friends are really pretty homophobic and it's like I have to bite my tongue around them way more often then I should. I mean my friends have been through a lot with me and I don't think you should have to change your friends, you can always make new ones though :)

[Yesterdays Hero]

Yes it is awkward. Even though most my friends don't have a problem with gay people, I still have a problem talking to them about it, even if it is saying something simple like "I hate it when people are ant-gay." or something like that. I don't know how I could ever get the guts to actually tell them I am gay.

[Poker Face]

As I said earlier... just find friends that will accept you.. I have a bunch of gay, bi and straight friends, and it's totally normal. I can comment both guys and girls and nobody will feel weird about it. And I won't feel weird if someone does it either. But if I was to tell that to my old friends from primary school I'd probably be dead now, lol.

[MoveAlong]

just find friends that will accept you.

I have a few, but I have so many friends that I just can't give that many up in lieu for expressing myself. I'll do that in college.

[Poker Face]

They are NOT friends then. I wouldn't bother hanging out with people like that :/ I just wouldn't let someone make a fool out of me, I'm not that desperate to have friends, and I'd rather be alone that pretend to be friends with someone who couldn't stand me if he knew.

[MoveAlong]

They are NOT friends then. I wouldn't bother hanging out with people like that :/ I just wouldn't let someone make a fool out of me, I'm not that desperate to have friends, and I'd rather be alone that pretend to be friends with someone who couldn't stand me if he knew.

well that may be the case for you, but unfortunately there's just more opportuinities for people who are straight because people, in general, are more accepting of straight people than gay people. So I'm using that to have fun and all the friends I want until college, when I will be myself and find my true friends.

Why should I litter my high school experience with hate and descrimination?

[Poker Face]

well that may be the case for you, but unfortunately there's just more opportuinities for people who are straight because people, in general, are more accepting of straight people than gay people. So I'm using that to have fun and all the friends I want until college, when I will be myself and find my true friends.

Why should I litter my high school experience with hate and descrimination?

Oh well, if you think hiding, lying and pretending somethng you are not is better, then good for you. I don't know, I guess I respect myself more than that.

And I'm bisexual, not straight if that's what you thought.

[MoveAlong]

And I'm bisexual, not straight if that's what you thought.

No I didn't think that.

Oh well, if you think hiding, lying and pretending somethng you are not is better, then good for you. I don't know, I guess I respect myself more than that.
I guess I haven't learned what this "respect for myself" is yet, because I accept myself, but I know other's won't accept me, so I'll wait until both a safer and more strategic time to come out.

[Poker Face]

And why do you think college would be safer lol ?

[MoveAlong]

tell me why it would be more dangerous than high school

[Poker Face]

I'm not saying it would be more dangerous or less dangerous. I'm not saying it's dangerous at all. It's part of becoming a personality and expressing yourself. I just asked you a question, it wasn't rethorical.

[MoveAlong]

well I think college is "safer" because I see college as a place where you don't know everyone like in high school, so people don't really care who you are or what you do. I mean I could be wrong but whatever. I still think it's more appropriate to be out in college because sexuality is of course a sexual thing, and an abstract sexual thing in high school freaks everybody out because they're just high schoolers. But in college of course there's gonna be more sex

oh also I'm not saying I'm trying to get sex :P it's hard to explain, but I like the route i'm going

[lostinspace]

Just come out of the closet. Some friends have done it, and no one judges you. It's kinda surprising. Although, it might be different for you.

[Poker Face]

Just come out of the closet. Some friends have done it, and no one judges you. It's kinda surprising. Although, it might be different for you.

Maybe at AUS where you live. Here in my society it would be equal to death. I'm probably never going to do that. I don't care anyway, I don't need to. I told those who should know anyway.

[The Harlequin]

Look, I can totally sympathise with Lantern's view here ~ High School can be a very dangerous place for people to come out, nobody knows anything for certain (sexually or otherwise) and they don't want to fall foul of what is seen as "normal"

Insecurity is rife within every High School, the strength of such insecurity varies ~ in an all-male school it is social suicide to admit you're gay, in an underprivaliged area it's equally bad, more to do with backward thinking than fear... You can't say that "people won't care" or that if they do they're "not good friends" as that kind of blanket rule is not fair in itself...

More often than not, friends and school mates will freak out not because they actually hate you for what you are, but because if they don't act like that feel vulnerable ~ afraid of the repercussions. People might well start to accuse THEM of being gay because they don't act like gays/bisexuals are freaks, and they can't deal with the idea of losing everything and everyone to a false rumour ~ it's understandable, really.

I agree it's a totally flawed way of thinking, and in an ideal world any friend of yours would not give a s**t about what people thought, but we're all different ~ some people just aren't as brave, they can't do it.

After High School's over, the fake "just-to-fit-in" culture dies out and it is your individuality that counts (how life SHOULD be) until then you either take a risk or keep it quiet, what happens next is completely unpredictable.

[MoveAlong]

Thank you The Harlequin, I agree with a lot of what you say there.

Also, lostinspace and other dudes, I am not asking whether to come out of the closet. I'm an experienced gay, not a queer noob. I know exactly when I'm going to come out.

I agree that the "just to fit in thing" should die out after high school.

I guess it's true or "ideal" that "real friends" would not judge and would accept, but I have so many friends in general that I have genuine fun with that I don't want to give that up, especially with two more years to go. I enjoy the time with friends and I don't want something as trivial as sexuality to come between us when I should be having the time of my life (which I consider the now moment- or high school - to be).

It's not like I'm even having to lie...I mean it really doesn't feel like betrayal cuz I'm not leading women on or anything. I'm just single, and single I shall stay until college.

[Poker Face]

Well if that's what you think, ok, I respect that. But I guess I never really needed to fit in, it's either accept me or don't. I don't really care if someone will call me names or laught at me or whatever. I don't care what people think. And being myself I've made real friends already and I'm grateful for that.
After all, even if I wasn't bi I'd be still considered "weird" because of how I dress, music I listen to and blah blah blah.. Yeah..

[luvthissite]

if you are not "out" to your friends, it is not worth it. dont bother trying to talk about gay stuff. there is enough to talk about without talking about gay things, or guys, talk about movies, sports, tv, whatever. you don't need to get sexual. however, if you want to talk about gay things, etc., then you may want to re-think staying in the closet with one or more of your closest friends, if you can REALLY trust your best friend, and they are mature, give it some thought about coming out to them (but realize that friend may tell everyone, so be prepared to be TOTALLY out of the closet).

[kyle66]

I don't normally keep my opinion to myself. If I hear someone making a homophobic comment I tell them that's it's not right. Today, stood up for some random lesbian who was getting picked on by ... guys (go figure).
I have come to the conclusion in life that what other people think of me doesn't matter. As long as I am happy with myself all is good.

[cole g]

if your friends hate u for being u then u need new friends

[MoveAlong]

Above poster, my friends don't really hate me, cuz they don't know this part about me. And they are good friends anyway. We hang out, have fun, laugh, care for each other, etc. Why give that up just to say "I'm gay", something that I'd lose friends with and probably not gain a single relationship with?
It's high school. Relationships can be kinda barren when you're gay in high school.
I don't normally keep my opinion to myself. If I hear someone making a homophobic comment I tell them that's it's not right. Today, stood up for some random lesbian who was getting picked on by ... guys (go figure).

I do question 'wtf is wrong with you?' if someone antagonizes another person.

I have come to the conclusion in life that what other people think of me doesn't matter. As long as I am happy with myself all is good.

Good for you, but I'll wait until another time.