Telling my Parents that I'm Atheist

[Camazotz]

If you didn't already know, I am an atheist. My entire family is Roman Catholic. We go to church together every Sunday. Telling them that I'm atheist is difficult, but it's something I have to do. My parents want to sign me up for Confirmation and I need to write an essay of why I want to continue my faith.

So VT, I am in need of advice. If you have went through the same situation, I would appreciate your story. I've already written an essay on why I don't want to receive Confirmation, but I'm looking for advice on how else to handle things.

My Essay:
Dear Mom and Dad,

While growing up, you’ve told me that I am free to choose any religion that I believe. I do not feel I can go through Confirmation because I would feel guilty without admitting that I am an atheist. For the past several months, I have questioned my faith in God. Until recently, I have proclaimed myself as agnostic, which means I believe in God but question things that regular Catholics believe. However, over time I have lost faith in God and all things supernatural. I respect the beliefs of all religions; however, I cannot grasp the concept of God anymore. I know that it is difficult to understand my lack of religion, but I cannot honestly confirm myself to the church. I believe it would be a waste of time for me, the church, and most of all you. I feel it would be an insult to the church for me to confirm myself to a faith that I don’t honestly believe. I hope you can understand my decision and hope that you do not think any less of me. I would sincerely appreciate it if I do not have to confirm myself to Roman Catholicism. Being an atheist hasn’t changed my attitude or my personality, and I hope you will always remember that.

[Never_Forget]

I think that first, you should ask them what their views on atheism are. If they ask why you want to know, you could tell them the truth or say something like it's part of a project for a Humanities class.

After that, you decide. I know saying that isn't really helpful, but it's your life, nobody should tell you what to do.

[Bougainvillea]

Good luck, Matt. :)

[byee]

You know, Matt, I read everything you post and am consistently impressed and amazed at how thoughtful, mature and introspective you are, and I'm not just blowing smoke here at you.

Religion aside, whatever your parents have done with you has resulted in a truly exceptional person. Eventhough they might be surprised or disappointed by your choice, somehow I think they will also tolerate your decision for these reasons.

Good luck, I suspect it will go better than you think.

Sam

[James18]

This is a tough situation, and I echo the others' sentiments on you're handling this in a very mature way for someone your age and in your situation. As an agnostic who belongs to a fervently Catholic family myself, I certainly feel some of your pain.

As for what to specifically do about this, I'm just not sure. When I was confirmed, I still considered myself a good Christian and a good Catholic, so the issue of essentially lying to the church never really came up, although I'm haunted to this day over what to do with my parents.

Before I can answer this question, I have one for you: Do you want to return to the faith (I pray every night that God will renew my faith, still waiting) or do you feel an irreligious life is the right path for you? If your parents are like most religious people I know, they won't be angry but knowing the consequences, they'll do everything they can to return you to the fold. You must also keep in mind that if they are devout Christians, the idea of their son being fastracked to hell (I'm sorry for the apparent insensitivity, but let's face it, it's the elephant in the room) is going to be deeply distressing to them.

I chose not to tell my parents, and to this day, I remain a practicing, but non-believing Roman Catholic, and they have no idea. I feel terrible about misleading them, but I like to think that I'm acting out of love for them by sparing them the concern for my soul.

I hope I'm not sending you mixed messages, just highlighting that I know what you're going through, and there's truly no easy solution.

If you can post back what you want, I'll try to help more.

JD

[ShatteredWings]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IE81KN2CEo&feature=channel_page
Suggest you watch... *shrug* still it's your choice, and if you're going to give your parents that essay, it's atleast rather clear and "OMG I HATE RELIGION"

[Camazotz]

Thanks for the advice everybody (especially on such short notice), I really appreciate it.

This is a tough situation, and I echo the others' sentiments on you're handling this in a very mature way for someone your age and in your situation. As an agnostic who belongs to a fervently Catholic family myself, I certainly feel some of your pain.

As for what to specifically do about this, I'm just not sure. When I was confirmed, I still considered myself a good Christian and a good Catholic, so the issue of essentially lying to the church never really came up, although I'm haunted to this day over what to do with my parents.

Before I can answer this question, I have one for you: Do you want to return to the faith (I pray every night that God will renew my faith, still waiting) or do you feel an irreligious life is the right path for you? If your parents are like most religious people I know, they won't be angry but knowing the consequences, they'll do everything they can to return you to the fold. You must also keep in mind that if they are devout Christians, the idea of their son being fastracked to hell (I'm sorry for the apparent insensitivity, but let's face it, it's the elephant in the room) is going to be deeply distressing to them.

I chose not to tell my parents, and to this day, I remain a practicing, but non-believing Roman Catholic, and they have no idea. I feel terrible about misleading them, but I like to think that I'm acting out of love for them by sparing them the concern for my soul.

I hope I'm not sending you mixed messages, just highlighting that I know what you're going through, and there's truly no easy solution.

If you can post back what you want, I'll try to help more.

JD

I have no intention in returning to the Catholic faith, but thanks for the question and your story has helped me.

The essay I need will probably be due to my mother by Sunday, so I've got a day to think it over. Thanks everyone. Any further advice is greatly appreciated.

[YourFriend]

Hand them that essay, they should understand.

[arabmoney11221]

I know how you feel as a athiest myself,i had to tell my mom this and i also told my friends.My mom accepted it(i use this term loosely lol)but alot of my friends shunned me for it.If you are telling your parents this you must not let it get to you if they dont accept it and if you tell any christian friends make sure they are close friends who will like you no matter what i learned that the hard way....

[Allspice_la_fever]

It's hard, I know. But good luck and I hope they understand.

[Silverfist64]

I too was put into the same predictament as you. I was quickly coming upon my confirmation into the roman catholic faith and i too was athiest at the time. However, this is where my story differs from yours and becomes more like James'. I decided that out of the love of my parents to not cause them any unrest and not have to cause anyone any sort of pain i went through with my confirmation. I do kindof regret not telling them, but im happy with how things turned out. If i was you i would just hand them the note. Its already written so your halfway there. Take the final leap and tell them the truth. The best of luck to you and i hope everything works out for you.