life isn't worth this pain

[MadManWithaBox]

as those of you know who read the last thread thingy i made, my friend jordan(ex friend), stopped talking to me for like 2 months, and when he did start talking, it was just all abuse, like go cut yourself, slash your wrists and watch yourself bleed to death etc, which put me in a pretty frame of mind, but with the help of some friends and people on here i got a bit better. anyway last week, like late saturday i had like 50 emails off him so i clicked one, and it was all abuse in the same vein as what he said above. i checked a few more, all the same thing, deleted them. next day, log in, more abuse emails, and texts as well. on monday id had enough and went did something stupid, but once again, ive got a tiny bit better with the help of people on here and friends. however, im still getting these messages, and while i am trying to ignore them, im feeling bad enough at the moment, and i always read just one or two, and i feel myself slipping into that frame of mind again. sorry for rant just feel like shit atm

[Sapphire]

:hug3:
God, that is one shitty excuse for a friend.
You don't deserve to be made to feel like that!

You have a few things you can do about this.


If you use hotmail then you can actually block emails he sends you. Other web based emails are bound to have similar things in place. If you don't use a web based email or you can't find out how to block emails then maybe getting a new address would be best.
Some phone companies will block a number for you as well if you are getting harassed by someone. If yours doesn't (I know that O2 only grants this service to contract customers) then I would advise getting a new number.
You can contact the police. His behaviour falls under laws on either cyber bullying or harassment so they can help you deal with him.

I hope you are ok

[MadManWithaBox]

bit better now thanks better than i was anyway. im getting my iphone tommorow so thats one problem gone, but for my email address im on aol, so i dont know if i can block him, and ive had this email address so long i dont wanna give it up just cos of him. ex friend is the word, he has actually said ive done nothing to him, he has found someone better looking, and cooler than me(in his opinion) and he seems to get a sick pleasure out of it. its not nice nice to feel like somone hates me that much, and my old feeling of paranoia are coming back, thinking that everyones against me , no one can be trusted, im gonna get abuse when i go out. im just a bit muddled

[Project Delta]

Samus (Matty is it?) You dont deserve to feel this way. No one does. You can report it as harrasment but i dont know if you would want to because of your view of your relatioinship with him.
You seem like a really nice guy and really dont deserve to be treated this way coz in my mind your pretty amazing...

[MadManWithaBox]

yay thanks aaron(yeah its matty) well at first i wad completely against calling the authorities, cos we have a lot of history, we were in a romantic relationship for 2 years, and i thought id done something wrong to him. But now i know haven't, im still not sure. just out of sense of some misguided loyalty. id go up to manchester to see him myself, but i tried that a few weeks ago, and he spat in my face and slammed the door on me. its hurts to be honest

[Frankenstein's Bride]

your friend sounds like he's really bitter about something. I'd advise talking it out with him but i only think it would result in more abuse, and tbh you don't need that.The best thing to do is completely ignore the abuse and try talking about how he is ect. if that doesn't work then forget about him. You have plenty of friends, you don't need him.

also why not try and find out (from other people) why he's acting like this?

[dstnyisurs]

Love, you don't need him. (: He's a meanie pants.

[Project Delta]

Matty personally i think you should call the authorities, no one should ever be treated like this except for the people that treat others like it.
I know i shouldnt say that but its people like him that make me wanna break their legs... INsulting someone about self harm is pretty much one of the lowest levels you can insult someone about. Its NEVER funny and NEVER a joke, it hurts and from my own experiences led me to attempt suicide... So be careful with the way you deal with him matty. Maybe you should go see him again... then if it happens again call the authorities?

[MadManWithaBox]

i went to see him. i got beat up(not directly him). i feel like a right twat, and worse then i ever have. so much for peaceful resolution

[Project Delta]

What happened with him?

[MadManWithaBox]

well i went up to see him last night, and he answered his door(this was about 11pm) and i said can we please talk why are you being like this? and he said yeah ok just not now meet me by rockys(24/7 cafe)at 2am. so i said fine, and 3 hours later i turn up at rockys, and im waitiing for half an hour then i suddenly see this guy come out, then another guy, then another, till i see about 6 guys. and this masive one comes up to me and says are you matty? and i said who's asking and he said jordan says to piss off and lave him alone cos he's got better friends now and he doesn't a wanker like you. and i said what if i don't and he punches me in the stomach, and im like crippled, and the next thing i know ive got these 6 lads all on me at once, kicking the shit out of me. when they eventually get off. i stumbled to the train station for te first train back to liverpool, and got in at about 11.30am. well thats proves it. i really am a owrthless piece of shit. i deserved it.

[dstnyisurs]

You did not deserve it.

[Beautiful Obsession]

you relli dont deserve any of this because you self-harm, he obv isnt a friend and has never been a friend. you relli should tell someone about these messages and emails - even the police if it need be.. i know you shudnt hav to, but what about makin a new email adress which he doesnt know and getting a new sim?

[MadManWithaBox]

I don't know. maybe i did. and i think the police will be contacted anyway, cos i think im gonna go the hospital tommorow, as my left arm is bent weirdly and hurts like a bitch, and i think ive got a broken rib, cos it hurts when i breathe. plus im covered in bruises. but if i go the hospital, they'll see my scars.

[Project Delta]

So what if they see your scars? if they judge then they are fucking bastards. You have problems that you have to go through which is why you have the scars, they will probably just shrug it off.

[MadManWithaBox]

no i mean both my arms are covered in fresh cuts. might get asked some questions. il go tommorow morning, maybe they'll look better then. im gonna see if i can get past the pain and sleep. you know, this is the final straw. i just can't see the point anymore. to living.im tired. im tired of fighting, tired of caring.

[Project Delta]

Come on matty, there is no point in giving up totally on life, You have a lot to live for. Fuck that guy you call a 'friend' he is a faggot and if those 6 people are his new friends i wouldn't like to be anywhere near him.
you should go to the authorities and get him arrested, you know his address and his full name so get him arrested and prosecuted. Good luck tomorrow

[dstnyisurs]

Youhave to go on love. Things will get better. I promise. It hurts now but things will be better. There is so much ahead of you, so much to live for.
Also, you are there for your arm and your rib. Even if they ask questions, you do not need to tell them about your cuts, and why they are there and so on. They have no reason to need to know if you are only inquiring about some broken bones.
Even if, things like a broken rib or arm can heal quite messily. You need to see a doctor and get them sorted out.

[MadManWithaBox]

i had my mum take a look at my chest + arm. bad sprain plus broken rib(she's a nurse and she's had some doctor training i think) had a go at me for the cuts though

[Project Delta]

well she should understand as a nurse, they probably get quite a few self harm incidents right?

And your mum was likely to fraek but she wont judge *fingers crossed*

[MadManWithaBox]

id expect so yeah, but she was saying what are people gonna think they're gonna think your insane or something you idiot. im gonna get a cast, and a bandage on my chest, and some stronger painkillers, cos im still having breathing pain. apparently if they see the scars il automatically get referred to the psych unit. bit worried tbh

[Project Delta]

Yeah that soiunds worrying anyways i gotta go matty, i wishy ou all the best of luck, cya later ;)

[MadManWithaBox]

I gotta go back on wednesday to see a psychiatrist, and i was quite rude to one of the nurses who asked about the cuts. and now i want to cut some more. and i got more emails. i feel like crap

[Project Delta]

Hey matty you got msn?

[MadManWithaBox]

i have to web browse off my ps3, so no msn. il be later though(typing is hard like this)

[Project Delta]

iu bet it is, but do you have an msn? If ya do PM me later with the address and we can talk quicker and more effectivley via that

[MadManWithaBox]

will do(got some better painkillers though) really, really, want to cut.

[dstnyisurs]

You can do it, Matty. You don't need to cut. You're so much better then that. You're awesome. Point blank. Awesome people don't need to cut. (: It's hard now- sure. But it's going to get better. I promise. You're a strong person, and this temptation will pass. I know you can stop. (:A phsyciatrist (sp?) is a good idea. Talking to someone will make it better, at least in theory it does. You can beat this.
I hope you're doing well, love.

[MadManWithaBox]

well when i got diagnosed with severe depression in march(to go with my autism, aspergers, and mild dyslxia) and diagnosed with certain symptoms of Schizophrenia, the doctor i was dragged to(almost literally) prescribed a medication and an appointment with a therapist, but i never took the pills, and i never saw the therapist, cos i thought i could beat this alone. but i can't.

[dstnyisurs]

You do need help. The fact you reconize this is important.
You can do it. (: Sure, it'll take help, but you can beat this, love. You're strong.

[MadManWithaBox]

you've just made me smile for the first time in about 2 months.i appreciate that. i want the medication. i want tsomething to numb the pain, to make me feel something other than this

[dstnyisurs]

YAY! XD SMILING!!!!!!
This will make you smile too I hope...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIrvpn3k9A4
It's hilarious.

[Project Delta]

can you add me? :P its [email protected]

[MadManWithaBox]

god i completely forgot. apologies. i will do later. i will definitely be on later. i cut twice last night, but none today. and the ones last night were small

[Project Delta]

thats a start! :) a good start1 :D