Urges...

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

This will be a rant... So it probably won't relate much...

Do they ever go away? Do they get easier to deal with? I've had two today. Was so close to acting upon the second one. I feel so hopeless. People keep telling me I'm strong... I guess I kinda am... But why so I love SI so much? I love almost everything about it. The only thing I hate is how it hurts those I care for.

A good friend of mine cut today. Pretty bad by the sounds of it. It kills me to know most of my friends are miserable, are in so much pain. I hate it and yet almost every one is hurting themselves in some way or another.

On another note, I've been trying to get back to my counsellor because I know that I need help. My mum doesn't know about my cutting, and I can't tell her because it'll hurt her too much (please try to understand that?). She's refusing to get me an appointment because she thinks its a possibility that I'll catch swine flu and die... She thinks I want to go because I'm feeling down about resenting most of the people I know. I know if I don't get professional help soon that I'm going to get worse. It's been 4 days since my last cut... Oh how tempting it is to do it again... But I won't... I actually should sleep...

[dstnyisurs]

There's a good chance you're always going to get urges, but hopefully they will grow weaker over time and you'll have the strength to stop. I stopped for almost a year before and the urge was there, every day, just wanting to go home and slice my problems away.
I feel you. It's a great and terrible thing - cutting. You are strong. You can beat this.
As for your mother, if you can't tell her then my advice would be to tell her straight up that you are more concerned over your mental health then her concern over you catching Swine flu, and that you need her to trust you with your own knowlage that you NEED a councilor for your own well being. If you approach it maturly to her at a stress free, not busy time (after dinner or over morning coffee or some time when she's not doing something and can focus on you) she will hopefully see that you know you need help and that is all that matters because you are responsible enough to ask for help yourself.
Hope I helped. (:

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

Thanks. I will try talking to her about it this weekend (We're going away as a thing for my 16th) so I will try, but I can't promise much.

[dstnyisurs]

As long as you try. (: That's what counts, right?
I do hope things are well for you.
And happy sixteenth! XD

[BuryYourFlame]

hun, you know that it is addicting and that is why you 'love' it, it is only the chemicals talking. Becuase of that, no, the urges will never go away, it is something that we must live with for the rest of our lives, but that doesn't take away the hope that we can get over it, cause the urges just get easier to handle and not as often, but never truly gone, especially when you have things like scars to remind you >_<

[PoisonedRazorBlades]

>.< Yeah I know. I thought this break away from everyone might help me but not so much. Although its beautiful. I'll keep trying, I really will, its just so hard >.<